Let Our Love

Let our love not be a war
Not played out on battlefields of mindless ****** revenge
Nor one of splendid victories followed so soon by crushing defeat
Not one of heroes and villians for i no longer summon the desire to play my part
Let our love then not be a war
As all wars end in eventual separation and follow an uneasy peace

Let our love not be a game
Not bound by rules nor by instructions to play
Nor possess a Jack of Diamonds to steal your Ace of Hearts away
Not one with winners, losers or cheaters with only ***** tricks to wage
Let our love then not be a game
As all games end in finite time so as only to begin once more

So come now and let our love be art
One of shimmering  colors, daring abstracts and brilliant hues
One formed of sophistacted melody, soulful voice and driving beat
One of perfect prose, eloquent verse and the purest words of a story never since told
Come now then and let our love be art
For its art as our love for all its flaws that shall live and breathe for ever more

What is a man if not the lightness of night and the darkness of day?
A crush of sullied confusion, a mess of uneasy contradiction
Drven by his own stolen ideas and lifes fractured ideals.
Is this what makes a man?

What is a man if not the dreamers lie and it's devious truth?
In all of its bitter failings and its many crushing defeats
Of private investigations uncovering endless regrets and remorse
Is this what it takes to be a man?

Ssshh..let him be, leave him rest, for tomorrow dawns another day
When all these questions and doubts
Shall be answered by a starlings call or the piercing of a silver bullets heart
Perhaps that's what it shall take to call oneself a man?

Just for one precious night under clear Polish skies.
I'd surrender all my memories reflected forever in her eyes
For her perfect porcelain skin lit by a shimmering bright star
I'd forgo my dreams and desires, have them cast aside and afar
To witness before me the truth of her body laid bare
I'd sacrifice my heart, my soul and all that I remain or care
For to have lived that one night under clear Polish skies
Is to have seen the freedom and beauty of where my own true love lies

A blank page, a broken screen and this my frozen heart.
If I could just hold you, hold you.
Darkness descends and sleep denies those dreams of yesterday
If only, If only I could hold you, just hold you.

Let the **** day break for no moon shines on this sky tonight.
Let the cold winds come, as this bird she takes flight.
Let the world turn to the past, let it not look forward but now look back
If only, for if only so I could just hold you, so I could just hold you

So I turn it up, turn it up, but no more do I truly hear
Trying to wrap it around me, trying in vain to keep you near.
But alas, all in dream and nothing of you remains
Save this sad refrain of if I could just hold you, hold you.

Nothing remains but this song,  this poem, this prayer
Clinging to its desperation, breathing it's desolate solid air
For there is no place so alone as realising who you are
No place so alone as accepting what you are.

If I could just hold you,  hold you
If I could just hold you,  hold you
All in vain nothing but this sad refrain
Yet now if I could just hold you,  if i could just hold you.

How many thoughts go through your head on a simple drive...same road..same time. same life ..days..weeks..months..years.. .engine keeps whirling..wheels keep rolling..thoughts keep forming and releasing..living and dying..in isolation..in connection..all born of something..all disappearing to nothing.... A man came on the radio to Jagger in ‘64 to tell him how white his shirts can be..now they tell me of positivity, mindfulness, the search for self fulfillment..all these years later and what more does it say about my life..what more use than a whiter shirt..i ain't buying..i ain't playing..congratulations. congratulations. .well done..my facebook feed scrolls and scrolls..friends of friends I've never met..never will..new jobs..new rings ..Dubai, Chicago the chance of a lifetime..lives joined together as one. .everlasting love..everlasting happiness ..babies and pets..houses and debt.. congratulations..congratulations..so so happy for you..all good..all good..share and comment..but whose really living today. .whose really sharing the truth..where's the comment..where’s the reality...because it's never enough..it's just not enough.. And yet these thoughts keep coming..this blank road..this busy mind..and now winter is on its way ..cold finally setting in..and I think of you, but put you to the side..not for here..not for now..this is something else..this is I..who am I..never enough ..im just not enough..why oh why..it starts in the womb they say..starts at childhood..over protective parents..over bearing teachers.. fractured and brittle friendships..no freedom..no encouragement..no trust..be good..be safe..be what we want..it's what you'll want too.. but what when you know it's not..always and ever yet do it anyway ..what then..for its not enough..no its not enough. . why have I never known jealously ..nor never once felt envy..is that self worth..is that contentment or is it just more ambivalence..just an ever held lack of ambition..lack of desire.. stop thinking..stop thinking. there's more to life. who'll play left midfield on monday..can't wait..big game..defines the season..means everthing..means nothing ..gotta stop..pull in . parcel motel..collect package for her...quick snap that i got it ..you're great ..thanks a mill..was collecting a record anyway but never said..she doesn't need to know..white lies..little lies..guilty as charged..and she's started to paint ..why..what's she searching for there on that blank canvas.. filling it with a kaliediscope of abstract colours and shades of blues, greens and reds…all smiles..all flowers and perfect sunrises. will it be enough..i hope its enough..keep going..back to the car..pass a student..long hair and glasses under a big umbrella..now is her time..will she seize it..no regrets. nows the chance ...positivity ..mindfullness ..self fulfilment wished upon a perfect stranger but not sought for I ..contradictions .. contradictions ..in everthing I ever say and feel..back to the road..leave the city lights..welcome the falling autumn leaves ..where's the beauty..where's the change..the new..the future . a changing of a season upon us soon.. autumn browns to winter grey.. just the same old..same old.. when was the last time i looked forward to something..**** knows..what was it..**** knows..work is over..why think of it..what do they think of you there . conversations in the canteen..teenage discos..tut tutting all round..a chorus of disapproval..how could they leave their daughters out like that..all agree..all agree..not me..let them live..let them find themselves..let them be enough...let them be all they can be. do I even respect these people..do i even like most of them..how many days..how many years. am i liked there  .am i admired. am i respected…am I even known.. don't be naive..no one dares to care just as i don't of them or there . its all in a game…be nice..be professional . white shirts. pressed suits. Not enough. Never enough...how many minutes have passed..all these thoughts..Nothing decided. Nothing changed. Where's the beauty...where's the light..where's that dream to cling to..same journey..over and over..days and weeks and months and years. the gates of home..the musics final coda ..the last lines of a faded  favourite fantasy..cause love is tough..when enough is not enough

not enough

not enough

not enough

Just another stone on a broken shore.
No meaning nor purpose just drifting towards home
And what's left of that heart when it's love is forlorn
Is it empty? Is it hollow?
Left lifeless, loveless, no path to lead nor follow

Or does it somehow live on in perpetual silent scream
Breathing on loneliness,
Consumed by regrets and despair
And please, please tell me whatever happens...
Whatever happens when that heart finally just stops.
Is it cast away on a wasteland of rock
Just another stone on someone else's broken shore