Shame, Fear, Mistakes, and Blame;
They're all games for fools.
To me, it seems all the same,
Like floating face down in a pool.
I understand the need to feel.
I understand you want something real.
Don't stumble back into the pain.
Take a few steps; walk out of the rain.
Any plant needs rain and grows.
I can trade your pain and give you a rose.
Take my hand and I can show you the sunlight.
I want to help you. I don't want to fight.
Don't stay in the rain too much longer.
I know One who is much stronger.
He can take your burdens, and set you free.
I know that depression. It's no place you should be.
I never thought I'd meet a woman of your kind,
But these thoughts keep on crossing my mind;
I can't get them out of my head;
The memories play over again.
I can't help it?
Maybe I don't want to..
I like the thought of me holding you.
Would you like to? (go out with me?)
They're perfect in morality
And their sense of reality
And I can't take it.
I can't even fake it.
It's killing me inside.
For some reason I hide.
I can't ****** do this.
They're so ****** clueless.
They're watching Doctor Who.
I'm locked up in my room
Deep inside my head,
Lookin for a bed
So that I might rest...
[insert profound message about how parents are clueless and society is failing quickly and surely]
I hear you say:
Ignorance and Apathy
Are the way to be.
(the following responses in parentheses are points I can't bring up to you because you're my father and you're perfect in morality and your sense of reality)
As evidenced by these points you brought up:
(Because ***** caring for people
Or even using logic. What?)
Suicidal thoughts are normal. (Only because of people like you that don't care to understand what depression is... 1 in 3 will experience depression in their lifetime... I did. You only noticed after the worst of it was over after more than 6 months of screaming silently to myself in my room, crying myself to sleep and soaking my pillow. After that, you finally noticed and put your hand on my neck and simply said "I know" and never said another word.... but you obviously don't "know" or care to understand if this is how you respond to me telling you the signs of depression and desperation in a girl I'm trying to help. You implied that I'm stupid because I'm trying to fix someone's problems without a stupid ******* piece of paper that costs $80,000 and says I know what I already know... You don't have a degree in business but you've decided that you know best with that... And you do... its called learning from experience you *******)
You have no knowledge on the matter that you speak. (But I've more experience in this area that you refuse to understand. I know more than you do. I just can't argue because you're in charge and you're perfect and you're always right.)
I know idiots like you. (******* dad... thanks for the support.)
I don't support you. (Oh wait... never mind)
Your dreams are out of reach and you know it. (You haven't lived my dreams so you have no knowledge on the matter that you speak *******)
You won't survive in society if you don't do things the way I learned them. Jesus didn't learn the way you did and He lived a better life. I haven't learned the way you have and you're a terrible teacher when it comes to relationships and psychology anyway... because you don't try and you still won't have the same experiences as people of our age have and will.)
You MUST submit to society (because you have no hope to change it. What? Who are you to imply I won't have the power to change the world some day?)
(And for some reason you WONDER why I don't listen to you... You put me down and make me want to cry... I've counted on one hand since high school started 2 and a half years ago that you've said "I'm proud of you" and that was because of a good report card... I think that's when I realized that was the first time I can EVER remember you saying something encouraging to me... and I haven't ever heard it since. So forgive me if I hate the arrogant part of you that thinks you know best and that I should submit to your authority.)
My best friend
and the love of my life
My Snow Angel
Flew up to heaven
Now she's alright.
Tears streak and smudge
The stuff you hide behind
You think it makes you prettier
Life was that kid on the playground
That kept poking you with a sharp stick
When you were face to the ground crying
You couldn't see the one who was trying to help
And you couldn't bear the pain of even the gentlest
Comfort was so foreign a feeling that you rejected it at first
But you soon realized how good it felt to be treated right for once
You Became Addicted to the touch and though I tried my best to fix you
I tried my hardest to love you with everything I could possibly think to give you
You couldn't accept the fact that I might leave someday and wanted me to stay forever
I tried to give you warning but you didn't take it and hoped i would take it back but i couldn't
I can't explain to you how I felt because it was indescribable and almost unbelievable how fast it left me.
The timing is terrible but the place is right. You're safe now and you can trust those people with your feelings
Better than you could trust me apparently. You held your deepest pain inside and wouldn't let it go but I tried to help
I saw it and asked you to show me but it felt as if you laughed it off hoping i would leave it, so I did leave. I left the problem.
You two were inseperable and i wish you the best, that this wound will allow the pain to leak out as your friends return it as a blessing.
That was not my original intent nor was it a forethought; I wish i could've left without a scratch but you need to learn to let got of your pain.
I would have thought you would have learned by now that Blood washes away. Tears are a blessing. Blood leaves scars that you are ashamed of
But its a good thing to hit rock bottom, not so that you can drown but so you have a better perspective that standards are a sham and you are very lucky
To have what you do; many would do anything to have the possessions you treasure, the friends you have, parents that don't have money troubles; you are lucky
You're better than you know but worse than you wish to admit. We had great times; I had terrible times. I took it all and didn't judge you for it but my heart finally had enough
I guess it's a good thing you are stuck in a place where kids actually care because they know what you've been through. I'll never give up on you even though I don't feel romantically for you
Don't make this goodbye. Let the Water take you. He's much stronger than I. I can't help you if you refuse to help yourself but He can help you no matter what. Please don't resent these words. I mean them
I'm human. There's only so much we can do...
Sadness is a reliable friend. Like the dealer that gets you addicted so you won't leave. Sweet, reliable, addicting... This is not what we look for in life, but love. So easily manipulated, faked, unstable, but brings you the real high, happiness. Some people chase after it. Many are disappointed. Some give up, but we have to remind ourselves that love requires commitment. Don't give up on the ones you love.