Jesus approached Santa the other day.  "Yo Santa!  What's the big idea?"
quipped Jesus.  "Huh?" mumbled Santa.  "You heard me, you fat bstrd!"
Jesus declared vociferously.  "Hey, watch who you're calling bstrd."  Santa replied.  "Well then fess up."  Jesus demanded.  "Jesus, I swear to Christ, I really don't know what the fck you are talking about."  replied Santa.  "You know exactly what I am talking about Claus and don't try to deny it."  snapped Jesus.  "What did I do?"  asked Santa.  "You're giving away gifts on MY birthday.  What's the big Idea?"  resnapped Jesus.  "Th-Th-the children."  was all that Santa was able to mutter.  "Give them gifts on THEIR birthday, *sshl*."  endeth Jesus.

I'm not a hippie she non sequitured
as I asked her questions
I'm not a hippie
I'm not a hippie she vociferated
  
It's okay I'm not a hippie either
I overly averred
  
Then we talked and agreed
and got warm
and got wet
  
Two years later we met again
It's like that sometimes for the jet-setters
  
"Hi" she smiled
"Hi" I returned
  
Did you hear the new (hip hop/rap star) album
she inquired
I'm not a hip hopper I stated
"What?" she questioned
I'm not a hip hopper I re-replied

Mary had a little lamb
But, kept to her diet plan
So, no starches

The first newspapers had to be chisled out by hand
with a chisle and mallet.  Not exactly the fine print
we get today.  And if the chisle-er made a mistake,
then that piece of stone would have to be reprossessed.
This would cause a delay in production and delivery.
Another drawback was that those stones were
heavy.  And no matter how greased your cartwheels,
the donkey could only pull so much weight.  However,
if you were lucky enough to get a copy of The Evening
Stone, (at the price of only three dracmas per slab) you
would have a piece of news that could literally last
longer than a lifetime.  (pardon the alliteration)

                                                The End

I'm a teenage ******
I stole my uncle's rifle
I took it to school with me one day
to show all my friends
what I can do

I said "Yo, Roger!"  BOOM!
***** you
Look what I can do
I said "Hey, Nancy"  BA-BOOM!
I can't meet you after school
Not today

I see more friends
I shoot them too
I really don't know what I am doing
and could grow up one day to
see how foolish I was but

That is not going to happen
as I point my weapon at my head
and escape
the misery
in this world of madness

I was awakened on an igloo floating away
in the middle of the night
We had to pack it up and head
north to find more ice
in the middle of the night
Well we finally found more ice
and cut 'em out again just right
And then we built our little ice house
so that we could have a sleep
along a winter's cold long night
  
We're on a rolling ball of fire
that eventually is gonna burn out
Someday a memory somewhere
on an ash that's just floating about
It makes it interesting to try and understand
If there ever was a one perfect plan
Because there ain't nobody perfect
that's for certain
except maybe that old uncle sam
  
We're on a rolling ball of fire
that generates its old-tyme
'Lectricity
There ain't nothin' we can't figure out
'cept senseless killing
****** for oil and greed
And we're almost to the teens
we'll be paying more
than we'd ever think
But in the end we're just a
rolling ball of fire
that's turning into ice once more again

I hold my pillow, grab it's ***
pretend it's you.  But, I'm in Forever
The time in between with you.  It's
hard as ever waiting, craving for more
you.  Hop on my pistol girl 'cause I've
got shots for you.  I was crazy,
very crazy to just sit there and not
move.  Or, was I dreaming.  How could
I be good enough for you.  I'm just
a dreamer but, i beat Everest
Don't dream that one dream 'cause
even cheaters pay for that and losers
stay there forever for free.  Just free me
from my misery or add to it my sea
All the pain and agony dissolves
when you are near me.  The emptiness,
it disapears even memories of pain.
So come on back and pick me up I'll
give it back with you again.

Love
Love is
Love is being
With
You




ll

Love
Love is
Love is being
Being with
you is what
Love is
Love

I cut a hole in my heart
So I'll bleed every day
Can't hold that much heartache
Got to let it run away

Sometimes I thank my bleeding hole
That it is there today
If I had saved all that pain
I'd be eleven feet tall

singing numbly, clear
ingenious wet priests lurk, sly
jittery sharp prince

The pretty girls know
Why they wear their perfume
The pretty girls know
Why they fill a room
The pretty girls know why
They wear their hair
The pretty girls know why
So men will stare
The pretty girls know why
They wear that smile
The pretty girls know why
With it such aplomb
The pretty girls know
How to wear a hat
The pretty girls know why
They do this and that
The pretty girls know

On top it says aria
But, it's no electric
needed
Eleven pegs for just six strings
Its one half feels deserted

It's old and tarnished
Nicked and dinged
Worn frets
No shine
No gleam

But, through the years
has gleaned all that
I felt
The laughs
The tears
Truths, lies, and fears

My Music Box
It has a name
a solo in its own
Right to stand
So tall and strong
Behold!
It looks so

all alone

Anna Christina
You lied  You lied  You Madam
The fine is time served

expectant pike laughs
oafishly, snowdrift bragging
apologists eat

I overact in overalls
When overcast jump overboard
I overdo not overdose
I'm overdue and overdrawn
I overhaul my overhead
Throw overhand or overarm
  
I overthrow the oversee
And overwhelm those overseas
My overshoe's in overflow
An overnight in overcoat
Earned overtime then over-ruled
The over-ride they overlooked
  
Don't overstep over-the-counter
An oversight I've overcome
I over-run the over-rule
In overdrive I overpass
It's over now; Buy Pepto too
And you will get over the gas

Headed for hard
Hard time for me
I know where I'm headed
It's no mystery

I'm headed for hard
I will not live free
I will not back down
From thyne enemies

Who torment and taunt me
Since I was three
Don't know where they're headed
Know only 'bout me

I must track them down
Put them in defeat
But, do not know how
To do this legally

The crime families torturing
Me all these years
Will die in a blood bath
I'll draw from my tears

My parents and siblings
Who've stolen my wealth
Will soon live in fear
When their beaten with belts

My rage will continue
Upon criminals
Who pretend they're important
With Badges; In robes

Then I will burn down
All celebrities
Homes if they're drunken
Or ****** babies

Living politicians
Will not be safe at all
When I chain them then, drag them
Down what's called the mall

The fat cat and kitty
I've told you before
Will die with their doorman's
Blood on their door

No one will be safe
Once sent out on my rage
I'll just "**** 'em all"
'Till I'm thrown in a cage

No one will learn
The world will not change
But, I'll have my vengeance
And justice some day

I'm headed for hard
I will not live free
I will not back down
From mine enemy

I'm headed for hard
It's hard time for me
John Law will find me
I'll never be freed

******* Grandma
I never liked her
Making me shoot her up
Midday
Right there
In her foot
Into a vein

"Sugar is a *****" she said
"Watch it
Don't eat a lot of it
You control your sugar
Insulin controls mine "
She smiled  

Herself into a coma

A leaf is dried
then sold
for the sole
purpose of burning

People burn their cash
on it
everybody gets burned
when the feds burn it

A lot of drunks
sit in a bar all
burnt up about it

but, that's just drunk talk

painfully sore free
adventurer squirms, raw calm
dogs clash, dumbfounding

acid chimera
captures landlord rumbling pikes
frowning fable eats

I thought that I could even things
up with Debbie
and **** HER in the ***

But, all she dished-out was
her piles hole

Just a ****** ******* mess

Poor Willie Williams
Waiting for the train
Traffic Cops stole his money
It's a sad story; it's not funny
  
Poor Doctor Williams
Awake in Lincoln Park
Arrested for his scribblings
"We don't like your kind" they bark
  
Carlos won't you come back
Give this old town a haunt
They crapped on paradise again
Your town is full of greed and sin

She sits there
Silently
Death does

Just like death would
Silently
Standing tall
the vulture
eyes its prey

While the bull-moose forage for scraps from the n.c.o. club
And aesbestos is passed out to the unsuspecting at the cbpo

I climbed a tree today to wish you happy new year
You were nowhere I looked around and you were not here
I hear the sound of old guitars
Remember passings
I think of you. you're not around and I am still here
Why I remember in your bed we had it all dear, all the laughter
I hope the listener can figure out you are not here
And how all the laughter disappeared
'cause you are not here

Sometimes I want to throw myself off taller buildings
I could just let them out
Burst into tears or something
How could I let you out of
what was best for me
Las Vegas nights are brighter
Its night sky now too cloudy
I can not see the shooting stars or hear pal call out "howdy"
Remember 60's acts, the crowd would roar in laughter
How all that laughter disappeared
When you were not here

I spin around, I lose my mind then I fall down
Because my mem'ry is so unkind to me
Keep thinking of you constantly

I know I died when I was three but, that was diff'rent
Before I met you, saw you smile and heard you giggle
I know it's crazy in my mind you're in that blue dress
The one that had that white bow tied
The one that made you gift-wrapped
Now all I do is suffer from gyromancy
I spin around, so dizzy
But, I can't spell anything

And all the people, might be just there laughing at me
But, diddint you hear
That all the laughter disappeared
When you were not here

A boy loves his mother
He's three years old
His father, he left her
to sire more gold
She hates him and screams
You bstrd, I'm ruined
Blames children for God's
or the devil's own doing
Then makes life hell for these children of evil
They can't even hear her
She screams " Are we even? "
She befriends a gangster
He's ****, and she knows it
Then, ****** her own babies for money and shelter
Then some other scumbag
With bagels and donuts
He fancies her red hair
And steals from his cousin
The children are brought up to fear for their safety
With threats of a belt
or a knife from a crazy
Their welts, they are bleeding
So bad they can't learn
Their teaches are worried
Then forced to just turn
In the free world we live in
How can this exist?
Can politicians see it's a crime?
Isn't it?
So they grab all the handbags from special interest
So that children are beaten
Then forced into church
And their parents pretend
that it's for their own good
That bstrd is lying
We did what we could

Last night I could not sleep
with visions of the Pin-up
Girl of past

How she laid(y) there
with arms spread
and legs bent

There!
on the dust of cobwebs

"Let me Go" she vociferates
into her soft safe place

But, I dream still
of a night
in your land of plenty

Honey!

Bus stop Linda says she's 69
I said a 68 would do
She laughed then flew

Asian girl in hippie clothes
and boots-attire

Pretty girl in bunny boots
a look..desire
escapes me as I follow
Her footsteps elude me

and notice
A familiar face
Still looking so young

No

It can't be her
that was thirty years ago
and realize a mistake in identity

and move on

Black girl looking ****
like a movie star...

I've got a world wide plan
I'm gonna lend a hand
I've got to find a band
I'm gonna make a stand
  
Gonna get all the people
to shake each other's hand
Gonna smile at a hater
Try to make him understand
  
Feel the power of the universe
Sing the Sunday verse
Feel the power of the universe
Sing the Sunday verse
  
We are all one power
And that power lives and breathes
We are all one power
We can all live here with ease
  
Get the power of the universe
Sing the Sunday verse
Get the power of the universe
Feed the leader's purse
  
Give to get more; really works
One power; one purse
Give to get more; really works
One power; one purse
  
Praise the power of the universe
Heal the hater's hurt
Praise the power of the universe
Heal the hater's hurt
  
It's a world wide plan
You've got to lend a hand
We're now all in one band
Let us try to understand

conspirator chirps
Adonis drifting brutes ooze
somnolent sunny

That young cashier brought back a memory today
and when she saw it in my eyes, she shuddered, slightly,
then looked away
It was a quarter century ago today, that love, so dear, drove far away
I know I'm not alone
where people bring you down
but, is this the devil's work now
or just another clown
I wanted dream forever
still hurts sometimes today
and I still dream forever
for someone who will stay
I had a offer last November
for another paper weight
I should have had accepted
when I'm here so desperate
she's everything I had
when I was young and in my teens
she's everything I gave away
to be better than I seem
she promised me she'd be good to me
and never let me catch her cheating
she said she'd always know my needs
even when she's on her knees
she said that she would marry me
but, I don't like the way she makes tea money
she promised me she'd be good for me
but, I don't want her making tea money

MONTANA
  
Stripped like a ***** all
your ore gone Big Sky
Way to cold in summertime
  
2.  ARIZONA
  
Grand Canyon Station
A great place to relax
for native New Yorkers
  
3.  UTAH
  
The great lake's surrounded
Now you still can't swim
in it.  Tabernacle Choir
  
4.  MISSISSIPPI
  
With your gulf coast taxi's
dancing at casinos
Still the ugliest
  
5.  TEXAS
  
Big Country, No little
Men.  Women get you hooked
on "Hi, have we met".
  
6.  GEORGIA
  
Took a trip down nine
Tee-Five.  Think it was
Three-A saying hi to Dave
  
7.  SOUTH CAROLINA
  
Columbia runs through
Gamecock town.  The sheriff,
he wants to know your name
  
8.  NORTH CAROLINA
  
Tearing down mountains
to build townhouses
you are lousy, just like me

9.  WASHINGTON D. C.
  
On the drive down here
A native shot at me
I rolled up the window
  
10.  PITTSBURGH
You ***** old city
There is a shark that swims
In one of your three rivers
  
11.  SCOTTY'S CASTLE
  
In the deadliest
of valleys.  An oasis
appears as heaven
  
12.  NEW MEXICO
  
The seniors there cross
the border.  They're earning
prescription drug money

Zebrina Pendula
Now, get out of here
you're not invited
we don't want your wares

always the spreading
with arms out to here
your leaves always dying
I just vacuumed there  

You gather then grow
with your worship you care
but most of the time
nobody else cares  

from country to country
They're throwing you out
sometimes so quiet
sometimes with a shout  

Zebrina Pendula
with all your despair
I hope you like water
It's all I can spare  

Please quench your thirst
and take here a rest
Zebrina Pendula
now keep on your quest

My mother didn't have a television
nobody did
because their weren't any
until someone had a vision

to bring radio to life

radio singers and soap opera players
circus acts
and vaudeville comedians

all came together in one box

After that there was only one
thing left to do
and that was

go to the moon

Sometimes I act like 2 years old all over again
I sit in sh*t and whine all day
Nothing much constructive to say
The devil's advocate they say I A
I don't know what would you say
Just to make my statement stay
And then to have it all retold all over again
  
Sometimes I feel like 4 years old all over again
There are things I still want to explore
But not like when I'm 3 years old
When I fit the bobby pin in the electric floor
Everything went black and white
It put me in a dimension that was spooky
And met my idol/maker all over again
  
Sometimes I think I'm 15 years all over again
And pack my comb
wear my cowboy shirt
pull my jeans way down
over my boots that hurt
And think I've got a life
instead of just existing lies
that she dreams up about me still all over again
  
All over again
I think she'd still love me
All over again
But, next time not so obsessive
All over again
I don't need that much protection
All over again
When I have such supple affection
  
Sometimes I'm 29 years old all over again
And can't get drunk enough
to relieve the pain that's in my head
I'm not suggesting you drink, no jesting
There's better thinks for a man to ingest
fill your mind with know how
Escape the ignorant
that rant and rave and roar at me
All over again
  
Sometimes I'm 36 I wish all over again
With dreams of Jeannie far behind
and Charlies Angels jet lagged high
I'm using words now just to rhyme
The girl that Lucy step-child right
Is in my mind still all the time
I never had the nerve to die
And here I am not 55 and still
Wishing I could live my life all over again

I asked my sister
On the fourth of July
Don't be your mother
Please! Just! Die!
  
Don't hang around
For forty-five years
Crying " I'm dying"
And then still be here
  
Don't be a redhead
Don't be a *****
If cancer has killed you
Then run to the switch
  
Not funny nor odd
Nor even queer
She did me that favor
In one simple year
  
copyright 2008 1 Armed Poet

Little Bo Peep's sheep were never lost
They were hiding from her
As it turns out
She had a flatulence problem
Which was out of control
It was Baaaaaaaaaa

LIVE LOVE
LOVE
LIVE LIFE

So bad you'll puke it out
So good you'll eat it again

I always wanted you
I always wanted to
have you
Then one day
I didn't have you

I always loved you
I always will
love you
Even now I still
love you

You used to act
so, I acted too
I love you

And I remember dancing
I wish I could dance with you
always
I wish I had you

You used to sing
You sang love
I sang for you

I love you, I do
Love you

To see I cry
What's happening
Our world destroyed
By evil drug kings

2C-I smiles
Kids try, then die
How can one smile
On such deadly high

agony builds, weak
languishing dubious eels
languishing, dryly

There is nobody more beautiful than you
I swear these words are true
You're all I think of, you
The beautiful it's - you

You're all I think of you
So glad that there's a you
So beautiful / So you
You're beautiful yeah you

I swear these words are true
So glad that there's a you
So beautiful and true
It is all I think of - you

The beauty it is you
You're all I think of you
I swear these words are true
This is nobody more
Beautiful than you

When night falls
In the desert
Wolves serenely serenade the moonlight

exclamations clank
earnestly, gypsies capture
redly, softly, mean

Love You  copyright 2012 by David Ehrgott
  
Love You

Love you
That's all I wanted
was to

Love you
That's how it started
Let me

Love you
You don't let me know
When to

Love you
I thought I knew
When I could

Love you
I guess I missed it
Honey

Love you
Is all I wanted
was to

Love you
g' head and take me
Honey

Love you
I only wish
that I could

Love you
more than just wish
I wish to

Love you
I hope my wish
come true to

Love you
and that you will
love me true

In reality they had the whole galaxy upside down.
True north is actually south of here.

As Dorothy
Lie flat
Atop the dusty water
  
The Red handed
puppet wept
  
Knowing
He could not lend assistance
to his friend
  
Nor an elbow
  
Just another case
of left-handed irony

Kisses in the Dark

think I'll take a song I'd like to sing
and shower you with the love it brings
I think I'll take a dance step that you know
and turn it into happiness that shows
You know I'd turn a rainy day to blue
If this is what I'd have to do for you
I'd build a mighty castle in the snow
If I thought it would make our own love grow
Your world isn't my world, but you know
My world is for you, I want it so
You just stand there small and powerful
I just fall and tell you all I know
Kisses in the dark they do not tell
Everything there is let's ring the bells
Now I can do everything I've told
Because I love you more today I'm sold
Kisses in the dark they do not tell
Everything there is let's ring the bells

Mary had a little lamb
She loved to run her fingers through its hair
Ooh, so smooth she would coo
Until the day it pooed in her shoe
Eew, lamb stew

Mary had a little lamb.
It just wasn't enough.
"More!  More!"  Mary would demand.