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Your grandfather died when you were five

You never cried

Never screamed

Never grew a fit

Never did anything

You felt nothing

You tried to make yourself cry

You tried to make yourself look sad

But really, you were happy

One less mouth to feed

One less problem to deal with



You were fifteen

You heard you're parents were getting a divorce

You never cried

Never screamed

Never grew a fit

Never did anything

You felt nothing

You tried to make yourself cry

You tried to make yourself look sad

But really, you were happy

One less mouth to feed

One less problem to deal with




Now, your mother has died

Your seventeen

Everyone cried their eyes out

Screamed and hollered

But you just sat there

You never cried

Never screamed

Never grew a fit

Never did anything

You felt nothing

You tried to make yourself cry

You tried to make yourself look sad

But really, you were happy

One less mouth to feed

One less problem to deal with



But now they’re coming back


Those emotions you said you never had

Those emotions you’re tried to hide

Because you're not heartless

And it’s okay to let it out

And its okay to miss them

You're not a monster
 Jan 2012 David Casas
Odi
Nothing
 Jan 2012 David Casas
Odi
I dreamt that a filthy mouse
Somehow climbed into my mouth
As I tried to pry it out by its tail
And somehow in this dream
I ended up chewing this filthy thing
That got stuck on my teeth like toffee
How disgusting
How disgusting

So I sat down to write by a window
That looked over this beautiful sunset
And every time I wrote a word
A crack in the glass would appear
I grew so frustrated that I thought
**** it I'll write anyway
My mistake
The window broke
And I got ****** into this deep dark hole
Of nothingness
of nothing
With the taste of the rotting mouse in my mouth
With the words flowing out all around
The things I couldn't say
The things I couldn't write
 Jan 2012 David Casas
Odi
Pressure
 Jan 2012 David Casas
Odi
They tell me I'm great
And that I''ll go far
Because I posses such "intelligence"
For someone so young
I say Ive known greater
Ive known smarter
And the acid eating away at my insides
Is a direct result of all
your expectations
That I wont meet
And that test I'll fail on Friday
And all the teachers I'll let down
A doctor's daughter
The family of academics
That somehow bred a writers soul
A so called "artist"
However intellectual
I cannot do this
I cannot
The wind blows hard tonight. The wind takes every bit of warmth from my marrow and doesn't bring any of it back. No, this is not an art that you have mastered exclusively, as much as that may disappoint you.  

Ninety six days culminate and rot within my intestines. The feeling, well, the feeling is like ****, but the images interpreted are more than appealing, beautiful I would say.

I don't stay at home anymore; I go to other people's homes and stay there because it fascinates me. It fascinates me for so many reasons, expressions, to name a few.

Keeping true to the convention of keeping true to the convention, I shed a layer of skin when I threw the old tea box full of photographs from the terrace this morning.

The air smelt of coriander and fresh mud, fresh rain. I took it into my lungs as a restatement of my existence but it felt smug and in vain when winter's wisdom slapped me as I exhaled. The pain was a harsh reminder; I was real. My face was red more from the shame than the sting of it.

The whole occurrence was organic, and the memory makes me laugh. Some say to me that I'm made to laugh easily, that I laugh like a fool. I'm a bad hand out of a deck of cards. I am dealt with. It's all in my stars.

In comparison, sardonicism has never known a friend, but I've had one or two. Most people are hopeless to me; I am unplugged. 
You speak to me, you want me to be connected. You have a longing in your voice, not so much for me, but for the thought of me rejected.

I had stars in my sights the nights you ignored me and made my hands your ******. Time, and time again, you justify keeping me pressed against your window, believing every inclination is adored. 

Time has passed, these creases will stay forever in my corduroys. The fragmented fire wood we never got to burn and those forgotten chapters of childhood still litter my mother's yard.

Maintaining a reserved tone, tensing those muscles in your face, for what? Try dying twice and then you will see that there is no magic, no mystery behind the way things are happening, especially here.

Happy to be hurt, ironic, the pain in my neck reminds me of you.
when i do looking(eternally)into
your eyes steeply
the complete
ingenious potion
of their
smallest
drunken dots
eat the entire fullness
of me
and i fall into them
                                                            ­                      


                                        ­                                         4ever
 Jan 2012 David Casas
JLB
Feeling weak.
Like I am the loser,
Because I care.
 Jan 2012 David Casas
Odi
Die Alone
 Jan 2012 David Casas
Odi
You didnt see it coming,
The way the cold freezes to the bone,
Like a chilly fog in winter,
Seizing all that you have known.

You didnt see it coming,
No, how could you have known?
That this lonliness would settle?
And simply refuse to go?

And now it makes you shudder,
Makes you shiver all around,
Because no amount of heat,
Could bring back what was found.

There are many things I envied,
You seemed like such a spoiled brat,
But the way your eyes glazed over,
Well, I never envied that.

And now its frozen,
Cold and hard like a stone,
No, nothing can melt it,
I guess you'll have to die alone.
 Jan 2012 David Casas
Odi
It’s like looking for a heart,
In a metal junkyard,
And getting cut in all the glass,
People have walked on.

Even asked the wizard of Oz
If he knew where it may be
But all he said was
"Look inside child, you will see."

I looked for it in pictures,
Of me smiling with my friends,
I looked for it in winters,
That never seemed to end.

I looked for it in boys,
Who thought that they were men,
Even looked for it in monsters,
Under my red quilted bed.

I looked under the rain,
In my brothers eyes,
Looked to my father,
And said “I never cry.”

He said “I know,”
As I began to weep,
“I know,”
I heard him repeat.

I looked for me in shadows,
In the past and present dear,
Looked for it in music,
I never seemed to hear.

I looked for it in children,
The only thing that made me smile,
But all I found was 7 pounds of,
Useless blood, muscle and denial.
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