I listen to the clock ticking,
Its rhythm sounding through my thoughts,
I feel the emptiness in my soul,
And the scars from battles i've fought.

I long to love and be loved again,
To feel its joy, its strength in my heart,
To once again feel alive within,
Have the courage to make a new start.

I hear the clock counting down,
The seconds of my sad existence,
Breeding apathy within me,
Breaking me of any resistance.

I listen to the clock ticking away,
Any hope as it escapes my hold,
Life's curtain beginning to descend,
'pon a life that's grown weary and old.

Why do my pleas go unanswered Lord,
Isn't love a gift for all to share,
Do you feel i'm undeserving?
I'm pleading to your sense of fair.

I feel the years slipping away,
Along with people I adore,
Doors continue to close around me,
Beautiful faces I'll see no more.

Love is a gift that has no bounds,
A gift we all long to receive,
A hope for some that is unsubstained,
A truth that summons us to believe.

Are you in heaven?  
Free now from your pain,  
Can you hear my voice?  
Am I going insane?  

I miss you my love,  
I’m lonely and confused,  
I feel so unloved,  
So helpless and used.  

Please come help me Lord,  
Yes I need your strength,  
Guide me through these times,  
Help me to go the length.  

Can we turn back time?  
And erase our regrets,  
Live for each moment,  
Like the days we first met.  

But that’s a fantasy,  
A life that is gone,  
A hope that has died,  
A truth that lingers on.

It's been twenty -six years
Since the day we first met,
Our first date together
A time I'll never forget.

So many special moments
Locked away in my mind,
A treasure chest of memories
That fate built by design.

You're the first and only
Woman who's ever loved me,
I'm thankful for our time
Still I'm left feeling lonely.

My life has been empty
Since the day that you passed,
Each day a new struggle
Separating future from the past.

The pain is still very real
Even after all these years,
The wound has yet to heal
My heart still filled with tears.

I long to hear you laugh
And hold your hand once more,
To know you're always beside me
Together for evermore.

I want to say I love you
And long to be with you again,
To see you smile once more
Share a life that'll never end.

2015

They tell me I must move on,
But where am I to go,
That I should start a new life,
But this life is all I know.
How do I leave you behind?
Walk away from our past,
How do I ease my pain?
And let my heart heal at last.

Self pity is my greatest sin,
Apathy, my biggest crime.
Mountain of doubt stands ever tall,
Each day growing harder to climb.
I sit here in reflection,
Pondering the years we shared,
The good times and many sad,
Yes, I always knew you cared.

I mourn for you every day,
My heart consumed with sorrow.
I weep when they mention your name,
For us there’s no tomorrow.
Our son, our greatest achievement,
Our loving gift to each other,
A symbol of our eternal love,
A living part of you, his mother.

The answer to the question why,
Will always be a fruitless quest.
Only God knows his reasons,
For granting your eternal rest,
The morning you passed from this life,
My soul died along with you,
An empty shell have I become,
Void of all I once held true.

All the hopes and dreams we shared
Have vanished into the night,
Escaping ever from my grasp,
Fading slowly from my sight.
I want to live, but yet I don’t,
The battle rages on inside.
Loneliness seeps ever deep,
Into this soulless shell I hide.

You said your body was tired,
You no longer had strength to fight,
The battle for you was over,
Your journey towards the great light.
This blanket of unhappiness,
I wear each day like a shroud,
It drains me of strength, of all hope,
I stand helpless beneath this cloud.

Will I ever move on they ask,
My answer will always be no.
I will forever mourn your death,
As it is the right thing, I know.

Alone in my mind
I'm standing still,
Watching life unfold
An llusion or real?

So many unanswered questions
I stand in wait,
Don't know the answers
Don't know my fate.

Endured so much pain
Compared to the gain,
A river of sorrow
A mountain of pain.

I try to stand tall
It grows more difficult each day,
Haunted by indifference and loneliness
I struggle to find my way.

When will these clouds
begin to clear,
Allowing the sunlight of happiness
To finally appear.

My future and it's outcome
Some say is all in my hands,
But there's so much that
They don't understand.

It's not as simple
As one might think,
So much I can't control
So much that doesn't sync.

I live each day on autopilot
Living life as an emotional drone,
Following a scripted agenda
Full filling life's endeavors alone.

What does my crystal ball
Hold in store for me?
Will fate grant me a truce
Or a life of continued pain, misery.

2015

Your memory plays like a movie,  in my head.
Your voice sings,  like a song in my heart.
Your words they inspire,  like a great work of art.
Your smile shines bright,   Like the sun in the sky.
Your eyes flow with compassion,   like a mother to her child.
Your beauty is breath taking,   like a beautiful sunset.
Your touch is eternal,   like my love for you.
I miss you so much,   like the night misses the day.