Why do I love you
Why do I care
Why do you mean so much
Why do I stare

Who am I
Who are you
Whos in your dreams
Who must I be to be yours true

Where am I going
Where was my road
Where are you  heading
Where is your abode

What have I become
What are you proving
What is your stake
What am I losing

When did this happen
When did you decide
When did I miss it
When have you lied

How do I move on
How can I lose you
How easily can you forget
How can this be true

These questions I ask
These questions have no truth
These questions give no solace
These questions give no proof

I have been troubled for many a year
To understand my lifes claim

For reasons which are still unclear
To mine heart you came

I prayed for you
And beautifully you came

My fear was felt
This cannot be true

Am I deserving of such a woman
I had thought not until I lost you

I was blessed with you for a time
But fear left me blind  

Since that time I have become ill
Myself in unrelenting anquish

To why would I be deserving
I have done nothing to keep it

Nor have done anything to show it
Now I sit alone praying for my lifes pinnacle

Alas I am a broken man once again praying for you
Would the heavens grant miracle two

Though it is impossible to hope
That lightening should strike twice

I will always believe you can come back
For you and you alone are my permanent vice

I am not perfect but this I swear to you
No  man has ever been lucky enough

To know love like I had with you

I have walked this road before
Its all the same
Everything is dark and damp
I am the man with no name

I have this thing to me unknown
Emotions newborn
Untraced in my saga
Feelings of forlorn

These emotions haunt me
Explanations aren’t tame
Unsure of what to do
Mine actions to blame

Still I walk this path
Things so strange
To me where once common
Now are out of range

This loner found a mate
Refused to trust
She wore me down
My façade is a bust

Now I have feelings
Reduced to rubble
I am not myself
My life has new trouble

This path I walk
Same though new
Rolling with the punches
Taking in the view

Its cold dark
The air moist
The ground damp
Choked my voice

The mirror I look
Im in this place
Reflection is strange
I am the man with no face

This is the dream
Arise at dawn
Wife partner lover fast asleep
Morning chores first on the list
Finished with earnest
Returning to the cabin I start my favored hobby
Hefty western breakfast practically done
She awakes to partake
She greets her coffee with a broad smile
The kind only she could present
At the table she waits
Her meal is perfection
Her joyous spirit finishes it
Picture perfect

As I see it cant be true
The haze the woods the stream
Everything I could ever want
Is written and performed in my dream

The dream continues
She dresses and begins her passion
Working with Gods chosen creatures
I begin my work building our future
Hours pass as we perform our tasks
The lunch bell sings time has come
A quick noon break once again I gaze
Her beauty is astounding
I study praying for eternity in this heaven
Our meal is finished we return to our chores

As I see it cant be true
The haze the woods the stream
I allow myself to believe
I long to stay in this dream

The dream persists
We embrace and continue our duties
Back to her passion
Back to my ambition
The day burns intense
The sun begins to fade
My body aches in wonderful agony
Supper is almost here
I begin while she continues her labors
She returns with weight as heavy as the world
My meal begins to reduce her worries
A wonderful meal
Her joy gives me unfathomable euphoria
Her delight is my divine quest
Her pleasure is my gratification

As I see it its almost true
The haze the woods the stream
My vision becomes true
I forget the truth this is a dream

The dream remains
We stay together and talk
About the future the past the present
As the night surrounds us we retire
To our chamber for the night
To alleviate her continued pressure
I perform her massage
I enjoy it as much as her
I touch everything her body mind and soul
Her essence is completely at peace
I join the bed at her side
We embrace in passionate sensual love
We both are at complete ecstasy
Our ****** is simultaneous
And our bliss infinite
As she drifts off to her slumber
I watch loving her with no abound
I feel so fortunate to be next to this beauty
I sleep with her head on my chest
Our souls are one

As I see it its complete
The haze the woods the stream
My concept is real
This is no longer false its no longer a dream

As I wake to start the day
I look to my side and there is nothing
I look around I am somewhere else
Where is this place
What has happened
Everything is not right
Nothing is where it should
My senses start to strengthen
My thoughts become clear
I curse everything I see
The heavens and the earth
I was just in bliss now in agony
What happened it was real
I curse God
Is this my nightmare or was that my dream
There is the answer I almost *****

As I see it it becomes clear
The haze the woods the stream
Its all lies
My heaven was just a dream

These feelings I have are bewildering
The questions endless
Why what who where when how
Answers are not forthcoming
Who have I becoming
What is happening to me
Why do I have these feelings
When did this seep into my soul
How am I to deal with this
This is not me
I don’t routinely burden myself with sentiment
Emotions are foreign to me
I don’t know where to turn
I turn to the almighty
I hear no answer
Why lord I need you to hear my sorrow
I know you keep silent and that your silence is piercing
You omniscience is perpetually
I am lost and I give myself up
For I am not equipped to handle this
I love her to every end of my soul
Why she is but a women
Beautiful wonderful caring loving and perfect
I shouldn’t care but I do
Why I do not know
I seek answers I find none
Does she love me but hide it
Does she not love me and cant handle it
Are we meant to be
Has she found another
Am I good enough for her
Does she deserve me
My heart says yes
I would do anything for her
Forgive any misgiving
When she doesn’t speak to me I yearn for her voice
When she is not near my body longs for her presence
When she is near my heart craves her touch
When she speaks to me my heart breaks when no love comes for her lips
My entire being implodes when she ignores me
I wish I didn’t feel this way
I pray that I should forget
But every fiber of my soul refuses
This is not me
My rational thoughts escape reasoning
Thus I turn to a higher motivation
I turn to the lord at the expense of my good sense
I cannot not accept we are not meant to be
I will toil and labor as hard as heavenly possible
To make my prayers a reality for hope without work is dead
Insanity becomes me when I use this judgment
I feel torn between faith and logic
To accept the faith I must deny my own humanity
To ignore my over worked emotions is to banish my love
I wish I could
Typically I would why is this different
This is not me who am I
I long to know her in her entirety
I desire to be with her through any burden
Where is she
What is she doing
Does she dream about me like I do for her
I am writing the most despised thing in my nature
But there is nothing else to do
My insides are upturned
I have no where to turn
What is happening to me
Does she not love me
Does she desire me
I cannot take this pain
So I turn to God
He provides no resource but still I turn
I cannot do it alone
I don’t just want her I need her
I am not complete with out her
I would do anything to have what I once did
I do not believe she doesn’t love me
But have no evidence to the contrary
And with no evidence I am ****** into abyss
Help me o lord
I don’t want to care but am powerless not to
Help me
I want her to be my partner
I long for her to be with me all the days of my life
I desire for our children to play while we sit watching in unfathomable bliss
Am I worth it
If not I fear I will die alone
I would do anything for her without any concern for my own well being
I will go through any trial and tribulation for her
As a result I must believe this is part of those trials
PATIENCE THE LORD SCREAMS AT ME
My love desire and humanity screams contrary and make my efforts arduous
But I will do thy bidding for her
She shouldn’t be that important to me yet she is
WHY
The only answer I have is because we are meant to be
I hope this to be true Help me lord
I pray with my eternal soul to the heavenly father to bring her loving arms back to me
But until that fateful day I am required to wait
I must stay in pain until the lord brings my love back to my heart
No vice no hurdle no complication is too difficult for me to triumph over
I shall be patient my lord for that is your instruction
I just hope that it is not in vain for I will be further disillusioned
She must come to me of her own free will or it would be untrue
So I shall sit and wait for her to come back I just want to survive
Until then lord guide me walk with me help me and comfort me and give me strength
For without you I would not be able to cope with the true love that I lost

You have given me purpose
You have given me stregnth
You have surprised me with love
I returned with blank

You loved me the way noone else has
You are the most beautiful thing
And you are my world
I don’t deserve it and that’s the sting

I will die a thousand deaths for just one chance
A chance for redemption
A chance for life
i could not live without a fight

If you don’t want it I understand
But before you I was never a man

You have given me a life to which I long
A world ive never known
Its an addiction now with a mind of its own

You gotten in my blood
And it just wont leave
I truly believe you’re my destiny

If I could take back the pain I would
But a fools promise is as good as a pile of wood

If the heavens would grant me a prayer for sinners sake
It would be you before all
I would choose to take

Denials fears receipts
Lies betrayals deceits

Expectations loss resentments
Perception destruction commitments

Adoration longing craving
Yielding accepting braving

Politics labor expense
Logic confusion dispense

Care concern keenness
New life new world seamless

Divinity concealment hate
Regret trust late

Forgiving losing retake
Patience understanding heartbreak

Dealing retracing abiding
Life God residing

Emotions thoughts dissent
Judgments wisdom repent

Memories traces slaughter
Heart soul fodder

Empathy retraction deafness
Body mind breathless

Oxygen air amiss
Blood veins remiss

Promises sensations overlook
Death sadness overtook

Redemption reprisal regret
Untreated unlearned unmet