I've always wondered what if I'm deluded... What if every thing I thought was just a bunch of thoughts that cease to exist! The question that's always roaming around in my brain is "what if" and it's killing me slowly as the answer to every what if is another maybe... Maybe is treason, it has it's toll on innocence and it murders everything of purity. Every story has two sides but theirs always one missing the truth... The third perspective is hidden in our eyes but for some luminous reason everyone avoids eye contact... It's really all a bunch of thoughts in which no one claims for to be real... Rather they call it philosophy!!

I say what I want  
          Yeah that's  a little blunt
They say I'm a *****
       Truth is their opinion is a glitch
They think I care
        But that's their thoughts of despair
I'm the girl that smiles
         Even if her whole world collapses
He acts like he doesn't want me
                   But he's dying to have me
He thinks that by playing games he'll get me to surrender
      He doesn't know I'm a gamer ;)
He says he's the player  
         He should know I'm the coach! I'm the leader

Those tears I hold,
  They've made me grow old
      All those whispered thoughts I've yelled into the mirror. All those hidden scars, some how they can't be tamed
   Settled down in the corner crying feeling ashamed. I live in an abyss of light... Crazy to think I'm alright. I've lost my sight and being okay I might...
But I've got something to say to that sweet boy If I may! I'm sorry I was the reason you no longer smile and I'm sorry I'm the reason you can no longer love. But what life has put up in front of me dug my grave long before we met! Do you remember that first day where smiled at me and said hey... I genuinely thought your smile was invincible so full of happiness and the way your eyes glowed it's like you were an angel on earth and your voice was so kind and delicate. You were a clown who joked around; I wish I knew how much you'd eventually mean to me! But I was too afraid to let my heart love but you weren't you loved me! You even loved all my flaws. The way your eyes sparkled at my sight made me insecure and the way you caved down at me made my heart melt. But something so great stood between us. A man I call my father and the god I no longer believed in! The torture and the abuse, the injustice and cruelity that I still face today... What kills me is that you saw a light in me no one else did. But what drowns me is the fact the I shut you down completely now you walk around like a dead man. Your eyes don't glow and your smile is fake what kind of monster am I? Oh that's right I'm Satan's angel and your devil. Forgive me will you sweet boy I wish I can go back in time and change everything

Eye contact... Steady breaths... Slow movement... We live in a world of chaos but all the voices somehow seem mute... Once we pass on another. It's like love is a case and were in court... Our friends are the lawyers and witnesses. And love is the ultimate law and we are the accused, the accuser and the victims. But some how each one of us manages to be all those three. In my trial you were sentenced to death not by hanging from the gallows rather by never touching me... Seeing me but never having me... Hearing me but never replying to me... And yes I was thee who sentenced you to death out of love not hatred. Now my darling please avail to **** me in your trial it's only justice if you do so!

I look In your eyes... Their cold and colorless
I don't remember them that way, what changed?
What happened to those eyes full of shimmering stars... What happened to that heart that was once  full of warmth... Now your cold and it hurts!
I know you still love me but you suffer!
I wish I can talk to you but the barriers we've put up are way too high! Be cold
My darling but once I'm gone trust me you'll regret everything and you'll cry tears of blood shed... But no matter what I still love you even though I hardly know you anymore....

I see your eyes... Full of glittering lights
I see your smile how it grows and quickly fades
In my presence you seem to neglect
I know your hurt, but please forget
I wish I can tell you what I truly feel...
It so hard because it doesn't even seem real
I want to hold you, I want to kiss you
I want you to be mine... But what stands between you & I is stronger than we are
I can feel your pain... And I know you see my tears
I hear you crying and I'm pretty sure you know that I'm dying
Every time the blade reaches my skin it cuts a little deeper
And every time I see you it makes me go further
I see them trying to get you... And I see you trying to give them your attention
But every time your head slowly turns to look at me... And you give them a simple apology
I know you'd deny your love for me and not feel it at times but deep inside I'm the only one their... I don't  know how I know , maybe its you always in my dream...
But one day I swear my love you'll cry upon my grave and regret that you never told me what to you I mean... :)