i need a phone call
i need a rain coat

i stay up most nights these days wondering if you would be proud of me
maybe we needed to fall apart so i could put myself back together and be whole without the pieces i thought were always meant to fit

i wonder if your mom is proud of you
i wonder if she wishes i could have made you stay and i wonder if she knows i miss her
why did you drop out of college?
did you forget how to put yourself back together?
are you happy where you're sleeping?
do you ask yourself similar questions about me?
i wonder if the new versions of us would fall in love just as easily
and for all it's worth
i hope you know you can be so much better and do so much more and you were always meant to travel through space and time and i don't think i want to wait for you anymore

originality is dead and i killed all the artists
i thought my words were my own but i am getting pretty tired of dollar store versions of my own suffering
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but what am i supposed to do when i can't differentiate between sincerity and someone who is going to spit my words back in my face

someone should tell the world to stop ******* turning because i didn't sign up for a lifetime of being left behind

can you believe i am still waiting for us to come full-circle?

i hope you never told anyone the way i cried during *** that one time i was ******* in your dorm room
i didn't know i could look so beautiful with nothing on my body until you showed me that polaroid
i have since ripped it up because the people we were in that picture were never meant to weather the storm that was 212 miles of highways and backroads and the ******* distance between us  

we listened to a playlist that we didn't make
we were actors in a scene that we never should have set
staring at the broken mirror in your bedroom showed me only fractals of myself and i could see exactly the versions of me that you would leave behind

it's been almost two years but
do you still think about me when you get high in your bedroom?
do you ever think about that night?

dear interdimensional space traveler,
it's been both an honor and a privilege to watch you traverse far and wide and maybe you will find your way back to the year and 4 months when you filled the space on the other side of my mattress
do you miss the gravity that pulled you to me?
do you miss linear time and when we were on the same wavelength?
maybe when you finally "came home" you forgot where that even was
is her apartment floor your new safe haven?
212 miles is too close for us to have given up so easily and you were still light years away
time has stopped here since you left, interdimensional space traveler
i hope our time and space aligns again

there are 2 gigabytes on my phone of voicemails and 99% are from you and i wonder if our inboxes mirror each other or if you deleted the ones i used to send you
i thought i would have a lifetime of "goodnight and i love you"s
now all i am left with is a slow phone and the inability to call anyone

i'm jealous of the people that now get to know you and wonder if they will ever take it for granted like i never did