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Danny Adams Dec 2013
Somewhere out there a baby cries in a room full of white and black equipment that screechs with it
or rather beeps
and somewhere out there a child falls and scrapes his knee and he looks down to the blood and he feels pain
its his first memory
somewhere out there a pubescent girl bleeds for the first time in her life and she's scared and she thinks she's going to die because
no one ever told her this would happen
no one ever said a word
but she's heard of internal bleeding before
and somewhere out there a teenage boy takes in a huge whiff of his first marijuana cigarette
and the room spins and he sees the decor
fake flowers posted on fake walls of four
and he passes the joint and his friends they all laugh and starts to smile and they all go back
to the time when they were young when life was filled with one part wonder and one part great and nothing ever hurt
not a single thing
the grass feels good, it feels like summer and smells like nothing they've ever smelled before
and somewhere out there a twenty one year old girl screams but he continues doing what he was raised to do
after all you never take no for an answer
whether you're getting a job, selling a car, or *******
and he **** and she cries and life is lit on fire
the summer too hot
the last winter was far too cold after all
so when the earth burns up inside this girl
she only thinks about that time when she was younger and nothing hurt
not a single thing
and the only blade she had to ever see was green and in her front lawn
somewhere out there an old man coughs and his son knows that cough too well because
his wife had the same one
and words fall from his lips with each beat of his heart
and those words turn to tears in the son's eyes and
form words in his lips
and if God is asking permission to take this life
he isn't taking no for an answer
but the old man doesn't care
the old man knows where he's going and
he can't help but smile
but right here i'm lying to myself on a keyboard
the cadence of the clicks creating catastrophes for people I've never met
Danny Adams Nov 2013
I am not your Bukowski
I am not the Picasso of words
I am not the DaVinci of euphemisms
I will never be remembered
I am not beautiful
My insides are not pure
I am tainted blackened filth
Begging for attention or pity
Nothing goes my way
I am a failure
Bur I will do nothing to change
Nor tell another
I want to die
I know I say it a lot
But I don't feel that it's fine that some more grateful of their gift
Take their last breath tonight
While I, thoughts of suicide, running amok in my fragile mind
Take everything for granted and give back nothing
Nothing but whines and complaints and harshness
I am not Bukowski
I am not Jesus Christ
I am I
Danny Adams Nov 2013
You had a grieving grasp on my guilty conscience
God, how I long for you
Like the winter wanes and waxes full of sorrow for
A new summer, something to end the cold
Something to bring the life
You- A fountain from which flowered a fragrant flaw
You- A cry of carelessness etched on carefully
You- Perfection pieced from broken fragments
How I'd love to find you with me and me with you and us as one
But I'm not up
To the task yet
Danny Adams Nov 2013
Whoever painted the sky this morning did a **** fine job
The reds swirled and met the yellows in a lover's grasp
The deep maroon bled into the light blue, pooling and collecting from the
Stabbing of the night
The way cool, sharp air cut me was romantic
It grazed my skin and gave me a kiss that felt like a dagger
It reminded me of you
Danny Adams Oct 2013
Let me
Give all I have
To you
An end to the means
To find my home
Bile spews from my fingers tapping tainted words onto a blank page
And I realize this page is me
Everything on it is myself
So I'll let this be my eulogy
Dear lover:
I never really loved you. I still don't.
Dear mother:
What happened?
Dear brother:
I'm sorry
Dear father:
I chose this
Did I want to hear this?
In my head?
My head?
Danny Adams Oct 2013
Nothing matters
Nothingness is our void--
our shared existence
it is a claustrophobic
catatonic state of mind
my mind is melting my mind is melting my mind is
that second is gone
and that one too
every single second sounded sirens in my psyche
have I gone off the deep end?
my razor might agree
I'm sure my heart would fall out
if it weren't secured between a set of bones and two lungs
lungs that I've blackened with my hate
because if my body is a temple I've burnt it to the ground
I have succeeded in this artistic DESTRUCTION
yet I am an artist
I create
with my beautiful words and my ugly thoughts
I don't care if I live or die or if I love or lie or lose or try
I am falling
Fall down from your throne you ******* hypocritical plagiarist
I hope you rot in your cell
because it's my only retribution
to you, my love
Danny Adams Oct 2013
I want to do it
I want to drive a knife into my neck
I want to jump in front of a car
I want my lifeless body to hang from the ceiling
Held up only by a thread
I want to drown in my apathy
I want to suffer
because suffering brings great art
maybe if the art's not great
then that's okay too
just feel sorry for me
that girl I used to love never loved me
she doesn't talk about me in her journal
she can read house of leaves just fine
she's not the reason for this though
I guess I could blame her
but it's all me
I have nothing
I have no talent
I have no drive
I have no passion
I have no work
I have nothing
god forbid I actually live
I'm just so scared
so ******* scared of life
this is existence
this is existence
i'll repeat it five hundred times
and hopefully it will stomp
Into my brain
this is existence
there is no heaven
there is no hell
no god above
no devil below
no reincarnation
no karma
the only invisible force that's reliable is gravity
and even then sometimes that won't work
I have nothing
please forgive me
please please please please please please
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