I’m gonna do it.
I’m gonna hit ‘send.’
Hit ‘send.’
Just hit ‘send.’
Send.
Sent.

If you think I’m a liar,
you can kiss this goodbye.

You say I’m your favorite,
and that we’re great friends,

but when something has scarred me,
a great friend supports
without question.

Have you ever supported me?
No.

So get out.
Get out of my life.

Am I doing myself a favor by
        doing this?
Will talking to you again make
        this more bearable?
This depression I've been
        bearing
with me over my weak shoulder,
it's been eating me alive.

I'm failing and I'm scared.
Some people tell me it's my fault,
but they don't know my story.
People who know it
know why
I am the way I am.
My depression was not something
       I chose,
it was something he gave me.

And after a month of not talking to
        you,
is it worth the aggravation?
Maybe this is liberating?
Is this what the light looks like?
I'll let you know when I find out.

I learned to never idolize again.
Never have another hero.
Idols and heroes,
they're only here to disappoint.

In a world of people who cheat
        and lie,
how should they be any different?
They lead me on
and leave me in the ditch.

I'm done with heroes,
done with idols.
Have to find new motivators,
those that are not living,
that cannot die.
Gotta work on my mind
and never idolize.

I guess we should grow apart,
but I want to still have friendship
when my kids are young and run
around the earth
like electrons around a nucleus.
I want them to grow up knowing
        you,
knowing it's okay to befriend
people like you.

So afraid we lost touch
and too afraid to try again.

Violations,
no responses,
his fake kisses,
my hypnosis,
their absences,
my displacement,
the false judgment,
haunting flashbacks,
no acceptance.
They all own me
in this depression.