You are a map
That I want to spend hours studying
Drawing x after x
On each part I want to explore
Freckles as a path
I will trace every route from my fingertips
Every ridge
Every curve
Every hill
Leading to your lips
You are a treasure
That I want to devote my life to uncovering
Bury myself in your neck
Travel my way into to your heart
I will call you my shelter
Vowing loyalty
To protection
You will always be the road
That will lead me home
You are a map
That I want to frame above my bed
Stare up every night
At you
My sky
You are the constellation
That will remind me
Where I am
And where I belong
I know that
I belong
In your arms.

I think you are absolutely crazy
Crazy in the way that you can't seem to grasp your potential
Crazy in the way that you are blind to every trace of beauty enveloped in your skin
Crazy in the way that you are a full moon visible at all times of the year
Crazy in the way that you make crazy seem like a desirable thing to be
You are crazy
And I love every inch of it
I love the smile that stretches over the lower half of your face
And the laugh that follows its appearance
I think you are a treasure map puzzle
Beautiful in its inability to never be completed
You are pieces that will never be able to match up correctly
For some reason you never seem to understand that you are worth more than the ones you pair yourself with
Guy after guy
Each who is never fully capable of appreciating your worthiness
Guys who throw words at you like daggers in order to bring you down
I wonder sometimes how you are still standing
How after all of these wounds you have managed to stay so tall
You are still tall
He makes you feel small only because he is afraid you will outgrow him
I think it is time you let yourself grow
He does not know your true ability
And if he were to see it
He would not know how to treat you properly
You are a constellation that deserves to be seen at all hours of the night
Not only when he wants you to
You do not need all of the makeup that you paint over your freckled face
I have seen your complexion bare enough times to be able announce its beauty
And you are nothing less than extraordinary
With a body that most would **** to have
I wonder how it is that you could envy those that don't even come close to your kind
You are a sunset
Not the typical orange kind
But the one that is purple with hints of pink in blue in it
You are a sunset
That I would pay to watch over and over again
I have labeled you my best friend
Because I see so much in you
That few are able to
I only pray that someday
You'll be able to see it yourself.

There have been mornings
Where I have awoke in my bed
Unable to recall any semblance of how I got there
Yet so incredibly relieved that I did
That somehow I had made it home
In one piece
I consider myself agnostic
Yet some nights I found myself thanking god
That i managed to make it out alive
Too many times have I been a passenger
To drivers with weary minds
I still feel guilty knowing
That it's the one thing my father told me to never do
That my life could be ruined
By just being in that car
But more than once
I have found myself shotgun
Next to friends with more alcohol than water in their blood
How I am here today
I do not know
I do know
That my past would prove
That I don't deserve to be
I have made countless haste decisions
Been thrown in the bullseye of bad situations
Played russian roulette with beer bottles and pain meds
I have put my life on the line for the sole purpose of momentary excitement
Pushed myself just far enough over the edge to feel the thrill
But not far enough
To fall off
I have come so close
To falling off
And somehow I am still here
Somehow
I have cheated my way out
I have found loopholes in the same rope that so many others get caught in
What I have learned from this all
Is that most things happen
Without a reason
Therefore I will call it
Luck.

The human body
Regenerates completely new skin cells
Approximately every
27 days
I say this knowing
That I am someone
Your hands have never gotten to know
My skin has mourned the loss of your touch
Grieved for the freckles that never got to know your warmth
No memorization of the path your fingertips took while
Tracing the lines of my skin
I am a whole new person
Since you've last held me
My body
Is not the only thing that has changed
Crazy how
So much can differ
From the last time
You knew me
But today
You don't
It only took 27 days for me to become someone else
I am someone else now
My limbs can attest to that
They no longer crave to be cradled by your arms
You do not know me
And it only took 27 days for me to realize
That I
Never really knew you
At all.

There is a little girl
That rests in my bones
Inhabits
My soul
Hides within me
Peaks out through the cracks of my ribcage
And
Every so often
Reminds me
Who I am
I call myself woman
Now and then
Give my body to men
Who promise me fleeting moments of attention
I live in routine
Put on the charade that is adulthood
I almost forget sometimes
That I am not grown
That most of it is false
A cover
I hide under the covers at night
And still fear the dark
Conquer it with a glowing light shaped like a rubber duck
I sleep alone
But the pillow of my late dog besides my head
Keeps me safe
I am a person of habit
Afraid that if I alter the slightest details
More than just the content of my sandwiches will change
Change has never been a close friend of mine
I know him just well enough
To invite him in
But his arrival always seems to come
When I least expect it
I still cry
When I get overwhelmed
And the thought of unfamiliar hands
Makes me shudder
I am still learning
How to trust
When I had always been taught
To not believe everything you are told
I've recently realized
That soon enough
I'll have to confront the reality that is life
So for now
I'm choosing to protect
The little girl within me
Wrap my arms around her innocence
Shelter her from the hurricane like storms
From those who have come to knock her down
I'm choosing
To hold on to her
For my greatest fear of all
Is letting go.

I read once
That a rainbow
Can only be seen
In the morning
Or late afternoon
But whoever found that out
Has clearly
Never seen you
At 2am with the glow of the moon
Hitting your face
You are a rainbow
Visible
At all hours of the day
Shining brightest
When outside
It is
Darkest.

I have the word jealousy plastered on the walls of my mind
I do not announce it
After all
I am much too proud for that
But I think it
A lot
Run it back and forth through my head like a car on a track
Envious is engrained in my genetic makeup
So I make up reasons why I shouldn't be
Cover myself with thick layers of false confidence
Draped over my insecurity
She
Is prettier than me
She is tall
And
Skinny
Natural blonde hair that falls over her shoulders
Wears her smile like she is just happy to have had woken up this morning
I
Am bitter
Often overthinking the reality that life is
Plagued by my inability to hold onto happiness
Not to mention
Short
And what my mother would call
Curvy
I am not like her
We do not have similarities
The only time she is on her knees is when she is praying
I do not pray
Instead
Beg my sorrows away to alcohol and other unholy sins
I have never been able to believe
In things that cannot be seen
But she
Is different
She on the otherhand
Probably doesn't need to be touched
To believe
That you love her
Your word is probably enough
But see I've learned not to trust
For I have been let down too many times
And I constantly find ways
To build myself back up
So I call her a stripper
Although she is an avid church goer and I myself have never been
I say she dresses too mature
And although she is only a few years younger
I say she is too young for you
To make myself feel better
Let me be the first to admit
I am jealous
I am envious
I am everything that most people would probably never guess
I am all of these things
Not because I want to be her
But because
She probably makes you happier
Than I ever did