I know
That I should be over by now
Or at least
That's what people
Keep telling me
But moving on seems
Like an impossible feat
When I am
Still hanging on
To words said
That meant nothing
Hoping that the flame I set inside them
Will somehow not burn out
I am
Rubbing my skin with alcohol
Trying to remove every spot
Of where your lips
Once touched
Attempting to drown my memories
In bitterness
My words are
Too complex
For you to ever comprehend
But that has yet to stop me
From writing them
So I will keep on
Until
I can melt down your place in my mind
I will keep holding on
Until I become a master
In arson.

Nobody ever speaks of
The sadness that can be felt
In your bones
The kind that can be
Encompassed
By your whole being
Nobody ever tells you
How to manage
Feeling like a stranger in your own body
Sometimes
I am a stranger to my own body
Depersonalization
Is a term that
I have come to know all too well
I have come to know
What it's like
To watch life happen
From a distance
To feel
Persistant and constant
Dissociation
Nobody ever told me
About the depression
That can take over your soul
While simultaneously
Forcing you
To watch it happen
Without any ability to stop it
Sometimes I feel as if
I can't feel anything at all
And that in itself
Is truly terrifying
But I am trying my hardest
To take hold of the steering wheel
I refuse
To let it take control
In the past I have
Locked all of the doors to myself
Thinking that
If I was the only inhabitant
Than nothing could get to me
But lately
I've realized
That letting people in
Will not be the downfall of myself
Lately
I've realized
That opening up
Is the key
To finding answers
Is the key
To finding help.

How is it possible
For you to feel so empty
You are anything but
Hollow.

I have a tendency
To gravitate towards things
I cannot have
I am in a constant battle with
Air particles
Blocking their attempts
To bring me closer to you
But i cannot have you
Therefore
I am constantly
Fighting against gravity
But Einstein once said
That gravity cannot be blamed
For people falling in love
So instead
I'll just blame
You.

I'm hoping that the dust gathered
From things I always wanted to say but never had the chance to
Can someday be put to good use
That maybe
The words i wrapped around my tongue like barbed wire in order to keep them from slipping out
Will one day find their graceful exit from the spaces between my teeth
There are so many sentences that
I never let leave my vocal chords
Instead kept them as prisoner
Inside my weary mouth
I am burying myself beneath all of my missed opportunities
Hoping that someday
I'll be able to dig myself out
I am hoping
That one day
I won't be haunted
By things left unsaid.

Words can not be used as seduction
Poetry is not a means for attraction
And placement of sentences will not ever be ****
So when you tell me
That you long to love a writer
Know that it is not possible
To make love with only words
That the way language comes together on paper is not a form of sensuality
My words are not meant to make you want me
If it worked that way
Then we would all be attracted
To books
And I am attracted to books
But I'd rather love a human
So when you tell me
You want to love a writer
Know you are longing to love something
Much greater

I think I could love you
Not perfectly
But I could
Time has never been on my side
And distance is a factor
That I'll soon have to wrestle with
But I think I could love you
Devote myself to learning
Every part of you
Which is
Easy enough
When you already know
All that I am
Tell me
Is it possible
To look at a daisy
Like it's a rose
After all
I have always said
That beauty is in perspective
So maybe
If you look at me differently
I could be
Your rose.