You are in paper now Eddie
my class will know you
in three weeks
they will see your royal nose
and your strong brow
they will feel your passion
your lust for life as you
pull back the bow string
but my heart still stings
still falls to my feet
thinking about you in the hospital bed
the bandage around your head
I thought it would bring closure
or make me closer to you
I was wrong
it just made me cry
made me yell at the night
I miss you
I miss you
I love you...

remember?

It's four in the morning
my mourning lays dormant in me
tears I should have cried
years I want to retry
cigarette smoke burns my eyes
but dry they remain
I lose sleep over the things
I could have lost or gained
my mind a bullet train
speeding toward a cliff
made up of
"What if?"

Do you ever try and imagine
the entire universe?
it really makes my
head
           whirl...

Things seem to
bear down hardest
all at the same time
grandma died
then grandpa had a massive
heart attack
the black of my nails
reflects the dark aspect
that grips me
this shadow that
creeps at the edge of all things
a turning in the weather
bringing the rain
again.

drove up the coast
to set foot once again
in San Luis Obispo
took acid, played a digeridoo
felt like an ******* when
she gave me a present from Spain
and I left her book
hundreds of miles away
then drank and drank
jungle juice, Jameson
whatever was in the keg
bruised my legs
and maybe my heart a little too
because now that I'm
back in Long Beach
I don't know what to do
I feel so...empty
like I've been pouring myself out
since I left home
and the last drops
have been dashed
on the
sidewalk

I've heard that in Norway
the attitude is
when you wait at a bus stop
you leave a few meters between
you and the next guy
I identify with that mindset
people don't get it
they take my kindness as closeness
lean on me when they're
too drunk
but I don't want to be touched
I'm not mean or anything
I just need space
and I won't start telling you
everything that happened
in my life
My roommates don't even know
that my grandma died
it's not my intention to hide
I haven't become distant
or cold
or shut in
right?