I let Tony know
left a message on his phone
"Dude...my grandma died"
he called back twice
then dropped a text
"call me"
I was hesitant
but did
first thing he said
"I'm sorry man...that *****..."
but in minutes my
spirits were up
it's like I never left
I was so scared things would
feel broken
I was wrong
he hung up with an
"I love you Dan"
I couldn't have asked
for a better friend
to help me through
as we change from children
into
men

Grandma Cherry...

I look back sometimes
at my life
my small time here
the whole road has been unclear
my decisions never end up
how I imagine
it's like I'm still running away
from a home that doesn't exist
at least not anymore
my feet ache
my back hurts
my head feels old
pretty drunk girls annoy me
I'd rather have someone
do the twist across from me
than shake their ***
I pass my cigarette from
hand to hand
pondering plans and how
they always get led off track
how did I end up here
hundreds of miles from
my birth place
my old friends scattered
my old ideals shattered
all the chances I took
and none of them mattered
back at square one
me, myself, and no one
the sun beats down
mocking me
as if it shines brighter to ask
"Why can't you see Dan?
Am I too bright?
Why can't you see?"

It's funny how little I remember
from that hill top day in December
there is an image of a white dress
but you told me over and over
It was a cream colored cardigan
my mind spinning lies to
feed my emotion
leaves me supposin' that
nothing ever last anyway
so what does it matter
why keep on searching
there's no single person who could
withstand it
that force that pulls
and snatches every thing
I'll wing it alone
I'll wint it alone

getting high while critiquing
my peers' papers as homework
I feel like a jack ***
knit picking and clawing
getting hung up on single word choice
I wonder if they'll read it in my voice
and think what a pretentious ****.
he thinks he knows everything.
when really
I read my own work and feel
it's full of holes
letting the light shine through
revealing me for a fraud

a fraud

a few tender souls
once intertwined with me
have been shred away
by my hand
my spine is crooked over
from holding the weight
of this heavy heart
my neck sore from
supporting this brain filled
to the brim with regret
that I became the things
I looked on with a tinge of disgust
when I was eighteen
my skin feels unclean
despite countless showers
I scour and scrub but
the grimeyness persists
how did this...
how did this...

happen?

Grandma's on her death bed
while father's in Dallas
burning in the heat that is
well known for Texas
I know that I can't make it
and even if I did
she wouldn't remember me
or even worse she'd think I was Jerry
but grandpa departed a few years ago
I know, I know
it's what happens when you're old
yet I still recall
when she walked me to horses
and we fed them carrots
the old house and back porch
the dog and the heavy door
bells on shelves
and how it's all gone to hell
hey Grandma
I miss you