i am more than the words he spits in
my face when he is too angry to care
how heavy and hurtful they might be




i am entirely too silent and breathing
smoke into my innocent lungs that i did
not choose to inhale in the first place




i am alone in a classroom filled with
twenty-eight other students because i
can't bear the thought of rejection




i am the youngest sibling watching her
oldest brother fall to pieces on the
back porch while her mother screams




i am the only daughter listening to her
youngest brother say he doesn't care
about his family enough to live closer




i am not worth the spare change in
your wallet or an unsealed letter missing
a stamp and return address to home




i am not worth the torn edges of my
unused history book or scarred knuckes
from holding my own hand too hard




i am hardly worth the free time you
have while you're doing your homework
and think it's okay to text me lies




i am quieter nowadays because you
told me one time when i wasn't speaking
anymore that i meant something to you




i am the girl who wants olive skin and
brighter eyes and a golden crown of hair
that might make you think you love me




i am sitting at a table full of people who
say they love me but don't know anything
about me except what i decide to tell them




i am often alone on holidays because i
tend to lose interest in things that
represent temporary smiles and affection




i am telling all these lies with my bitten
fingernails and backwards hiccups but
there might be a little truth in it all




i am no longer talking myself out of
falling for you because i've convinced
myself that you might be worth it

Is this the friend zone?
Or is it just hell?
Do you even notice?
I could never tell.
Is this the friend zone?
Or am I lost?
If this is what love is
It comes at too high a cost.

Don’t let me sleep
It’s all I pray of you
Don’t let the monsters
Come back to scream and weep
In my ear
Just please don’t let me sleep

If you do, it all comes back
The screaming, the pleading
My hell, everything’s going black
All in my web of insomnia
Of my insanity

My sanity or lack thereof
Was a short trip to lose?
It only could have been
A simple year or two
That’s my insomnia of insanity

Tricked by the light
Let loose in the night
I have to shay away from
All that is and will be bright

Calling me yours
Was your last mistake
And now look at me
I’m a wreck
I’m about to break

I could say it was all you
But that would not be fair
No, all of you are to blame
And I will pass my judgment
On all of you

Killing me softly
Killing me you’ll see
Is what has brought
On my insomnia
Of insanity

And now you lay me
Down to sleep
That little white pill
Taking effect
Chained to a bed
Shrouded in white

For this, no,
This time I might not wake up