Mental illness, chemical imbalance
A flaw in chemistry, dragging us down
A lost generation, drifting the ocean
Where happiness, can not be found

Depression a monster, stalking you constant
Her claws digging in, ready for the ****
Death a release, so inviting an option
Suicide is all we have, an escape from this world

The man sat on the edge of his bed
Staring blankly into the distance
An empty bottle shattered somewhere on the floor
Cigarette slowly burning between his lips
He hasn't shaved for days; he doesn't care anymore
Sweatpants and faded t-shirts
Too much coffee , not enough sleep
In his hand a six shot revolver
In his hand, the only chance to be free

You asked me where
My home was and
I explained to you that rainy night
That my home wasn't a place but
A time in my life
When hope was around
Faith still here
The gun wasn't loaded
And I wasn't filled with fear

It is in our blood
This world of passion
Lust, pain, love
Mind always in action
We are born this way
It is what makes us human
So hold your head high little soldier
And keep doing what you are doing

Speak to me
Save me from
The suffocating silence
Bringing overwhelming sadness
Depression and pain
Please, speak friend
Distract me from
This awful world
Where they say
Its not cool
To be gay
In the place
Where I felt
More at home
Than any other
Please friend, speak
Help me ignore
The horrible slurs
The daily torments
Found in media
Found in actions
Found in life
Speak my friend
Or I know
That surely I
Shall go insane
In a world
Where its cool
To hate a man
For being gay

Justin Vernon had his cabin in the woods
A place where he found peace on Earth
Temporarily freed from the plagues of living
Blessed with the tranquility of a spiritual rebirth
Lost in the world I searched for my own meaning
A place I could call my home
Searching desperately for the illusion of safety
Praying that I wouldn't have to spend this life alone
But a million lost souls told a million sad tales
With words far more beautiful than mine
So when my journey became too much for you to handle
I understand why you walked away, for the final time

These religious fanatics just don't seem to get it
They claim to love His teachings
But they just don't practice
Saying God hates ****
And that they all go to hell
Well if they read the ******* bible
I wouldn't need to tell
That what they say is wrong
And contradicts the teacher
John 3:16, whosoever believes
In Christ and his love
Shall never ever perish
But live on forever, in the kingdom of heaven
So when you tell me I'm a sinner
For the man that I love
I'll throw up this *******
And give him a hug
Because until you learn the error of your ways
You're judgement ain't worth ****
God loves me
I love God
Just ******* deal with it

You can't see beyond
What you expect to see before your eyes
You see the crown of the King
But not the man beneath it
You see the tears of a son
But not the underlying causation
And you think yourself perceptive
But you refuse to move beyond the obvious
And in our world, the obvious usually is not the truth
Complicated people concoct complicated cover stories
To deflect questions and attention, for ours is a cold, impersonal world
Where a fake smile is always more loved than a real frown
And an aura of nonchalance trumps any level of seriousness
Its a cold world, yes, and cruel
So put on your mask my friend
But be careful to remember
That all of us, every single one
Hide behind our own masks, for our own reasons
And you can trust in nothing but yourself and God
Rely on nothing but yourself and God
Because in the end, who else is there?
Nobody

Here lies the fallen king
The token sober kid
Grew up alone in a full house
Surrounded by friends but always in doubt
That this world so dear held love for him too
The doubt grew too strong
And so, he flew

Crowns for a king
Irons for a slave
Handcuffs for a prisoner
Coffins for a grave

Friendship shouldn't feel like a one way street
You shouldn't love someone only when you're in need
People aren't tools you can use to just solve a problem
And throw back into the shed until you need them again

He left a message
Hastily scrawled in his blood
"Do not mourn my death"

my dreams are suicidal
my nightmares are eternal
my bank account is empty
my house is not a home
my loved one did abandon me
my body it is failing me
my twenty first birthday is approaching
i just hope i'm not alone

Life is full of strange little things
Like the fact that
None of us have ever actually seen our faces
Only our reflections
That seems so strange
All the people you've seen cry, all the smiles you have witnessed
But you have never viewed your own?
Eyes, brown or blue or green
Deep and sad, light and happy
A myriad of teeth and lips
Crooked noses, freckles
You can take them in on anyone and everyone
Except for yourself
I just think its strange
That you never get to see
The real you

Sometimes it just hits you
Like a wave crashing down on a beach
Wearing away at the rocks until suddenly
It collapses into the water
That's what it was like

You say you like it better this way
You say it was a choice
And you made it
Willingly denying the fact it wasn't a choice
But a punishment you were saddled with

You look back on the old days
Back when things were different
And you manage to convince yourself you are better off now
But you aren't
You are much, much worse

Every day is more of the same
You're just trapped alone with your thoughts
Nobody to talk to
Nobody who cares
And you say you like it

But we both know you hate it
We know you are the loneliest man around
With a desire to feel wanted again
To be loved
But you say yo don't and so life goes on

Live to fight another day, just to die another night
Unzip my veins and set me free
From empty bottles, and broken dreams
A shaky foundation indicates doom
And I'm alone in this hollow, desolate room
So forgive me if I must depart
I've been murdered by this broken heart

My mind is lost at sea
I haven't seen him in a while
But I know somewhere out there
He is struggling on
Searching for me in this world of tragedy
And I hope He finds me soon

3 years together, 6 months apart
feeling better than i ever have
but I've got this stupid heart
telling me that i love you
and deep down i know it's true
stuck now with regret and memories
wishing you still loved me too

king's **** when the prince feels power
depression kills when the soul feels better
ethered my life, i'd take it all back
but you don't wanna hear it
so now i'm sort of trapped
ball of regret, looking back on that night
intoxicated and manic shoulda known i ain't right
but what's done is done, all you can do is live
and hope she forgives you for the times you did sin

Tears stream down my face
Life is for living
But that is not what I do
I am merely existing
Miserable and alone
Lacking love, happiness, hope
Sometimes it all seems so pointless
Why even bother getting up in the mornings?
When I know everyday is just the same
Sadness and misery and hatred
rationally I know the world can be beautiful
But I can not bring myself to believe
That my world can get any better
Than this harsh, desolate wasteland

John 3:16
For God so loved the world
That keeps me going
Life can be rough
But He is always there protecting
Those of us who need a little help
Dealing with the evils of day to day existence
Struggling just to get by
In a broken world
Full of cruelty and pain
With no respite
Except His love
Keeping us safe
Never letting us be alone

A new moon
Hiding away from sight
We know its there
We cannot forget her presence
But it cannot be seen

Depression is like that
An illness, on the inside
When you have it, you never forget
A moments respite
Is never available to you

i'm gonna call my grandma more
pet stranger's dogs
i'm gonna be more confident
and conquer some old fears
write every day
and learn how to cook

i'm gonna talk to new people
try to kick *** in school
i'm gonna paint something silly
and read more
maybe find some new purpose
and finally get over you

What?
Oh right, nothing
I am bleeding?
Strange, I don't remember how that started
My heart is broken?
Strange, my mind registers it
But I do not feel it
Self hatred? Oh, yeah, that
I know the concept, and my mind knows it should apply to me right now
But, funny, it doesn't

You can forgive, not forget
Because the past never really dies
It fades away into awkward silences
And sideways glances
Just below the surface, hidden in plain sight
Things always end badly
Because the end only comes when something has gone wrong
Knowing this, I was still shocked to see you become
So cruel and callous a person
Without a **** to give for those you loved

There are times where
We are sitting together
And my hand
Instinctively finds your's
Normally I do not like
Being touched at all
Never a fan of hand holding
Always quick to put distance
Between myself and another
Because the contact
Was suffocating
But with you
It is different
It feels different
And the closeness
Is not a hardship to be endured
But a joy to be celebrated
Because when I look down to find your hand in mine
I smile
And know that for once
All is okay

I never thought that
Life could ever be this good and
I'm blessed with so many wonderful people
And so many wonderful things in
My life, but
It's really disheartening to know that
Even with all the good things happening
Mental illness will never let me truly be free

there ain't no place in the world
for a boy with a broken heart
and a torn up wrist
with a noose in the closet

because we are supposed to be men
strong and emotionless
and not this ******* wreck
i have become instead

2 years ago
A man did falter
Poison entered life
****** him at the altar
King no more
The throne was broken
Throughout it all
He had kept hoping
That maybe she would save him
But it wasn't to be
Dragging him down further
Made to eat the sacred fruit of the tree
God's child
Kicked out of Eden once more
A lifetime of sadness
Because you walked in that door

Deep in my mind
There is a box
Padlocked with a key
That I fear I have lost

Inside is all of the things
Needed to bring me joy
Friendship, love, peace
Locked away from a sad boy

I'm not ready for this
I know that's selfish of me
Yet I can't help how I feel
I thought I had more time
To brace myself
But the months suddenly became days
With one phone call, my entire perspective changed

Its almost Christmas
But you won't be here
You'll be away
In danger, making us proud
But leaving me in fear every second of the day
This is what you love to do
And I respect that more than you can imagine
But still, I am not ready

I  don't know how I will get through this
Despite our differences, you mean the world to me
Just please stay safe
Come home to me
Please Dad

The sky is red
The Earth is flat
Life is eternal
I am over you

The sight of blood
You think I would have grown accustomed to it
After all, I've released so much
Wrecking pencil sharpeners, staining sheets
Blood has been a steady companion of mine these past few years
So it came as a surprise to find myself so weak
Heart racing, body shaking just at the sight of a movie
A death scene I knew was coming
But I couldn't foresee how much it shook me
Breaking down in public is hard
Trying to hide your mind falling apart
Its not something anybody should have to do
Part of that ****** hand life has dealt me
But have,  what else is new?

One is  forced to wonder
What life would be like
If darkness was eternal
And we lived in endless night
Would love prosper?
Or would hate take command?
Would art flourish?
Or violence reign supreme?
One is forced to wonder about these things
When there is a darkness inside of them

These city streets are empty and cold
Devoid of life
Not a soul walks here but me
Alone in a world of sadness and pain
With tattered mind
And a broken heart

Life is a harsh endeavor
Joy sparse and brief
Tragedy lurks around the corners
One can do nothing to avoid
So I march head on into it
Embracing my fate

Nothing lasts forever
Save one thing, Death
So to death I walk
With my head held high
Hoping to find a more hospitable place
Than this Earth

the water is murky and ***** and grey
but the fish keep swimming and swimming and
nobody asked to feel this way
but if the fish manage to survive
we can too

Eternal flame burning so bright
Spark grown huge in the depths of my heart
Consuming any other emotion
Destroying any chance I had at resisting
The Temptation I found
When I gazed into your eyes for the first time
Feeling my body flooded with warmth
Caused only by true love
I must make you mine

If he dies, he dies
With trouble on his mind
Future looking hazy
This is the end of the line
With a cigarette in hand, walking to the water
He hit the bottle hard, longing for the other
One, in his life that could make all this right
But this is the real world, not a dream
And after that fight
She isn't coming back, he knows this in his heart
As he looks up to the sky
Praying for this life to stop
Not thinking of the good things
Trapped in a world full of pain
Blinders on, paranoia rules here
No love left, just hate
Chemical dependencies couldn't take him away
The six shot revolver, couldn't decide his fate
So he turned his hood up and walked into the distance
Praying for an act of God to please
Simply just end this

Hot, boiling anger
Lava flowing through my veins
Red, deep and brilliant before my eyes
Spots of black obstructing my vision

Only love can cause so much hate'
Only joy, can bring so much pain
God invites Satan to dinner
And my happiness is the feast

My bubble is collapsing
My mind,  it is in tatters
All I can say is
Ha.Ha.

White is the color of purity
That which is clean, innocent, tame
White stands for sunshine, music, dancing
All the things that bring you joy

Black is the color of darkness
The evils you can find in the night
The monster under the bed, the shadows on the wall
And when cruelty and power combine'

Red is the color of passion, hot and furious it will be
Love, lust, anger, hate
Wildfire which shall not be controlled
But will burn its brightest until it destroys itself

Blue is the color of calm
Still water on a cloudless day
It is also the color of sadness
Deep and haunting, crushing your soul

Flesh is the color of man
He responsible for all the magic and pain in the world
It can come in any shade, yet its all the same
Good and evil, a swirl

This is one for all those sad girls
Who just can't seem to understand
How beautiful they are, how perfect
The girl of somebodies dreams

This is one for all the fuckups
The one's who mean well
And try to be good
But always go down in flames

This one is for all the rejects
Sitting alone on the stairs
Life get's better son, I swear it
Someday this place will be yours

This is one for all the people
Who couldn't find a way to deal
So they checked out
Forever

This is one for you
And here's another for me
Raise your glass to the outcasts
Pray for them to be happy

Nostalgia is poison seeped in my veins
I remember that last sad smile as you turned away from me
Though it has been years some thing never fade
Like the pleasure the first time our eyes were blessed to meet
Through fire and brimstone, demons and hell
That immense joy always linger, threatening to ****
What little sanity I had, and though until now I've survived
This nostalgia is killing me, making we wish for
One last time

Falling off of the wagon is
The most painful thing in the world
Because of all the hurt and effort it took
To get on it in the first place
And the pride one feels
When they can honestly say
I am clean

So I would like to apologize
To God, my family, the universe
For letting you all down
Because I promised I was better
Swore I had moved on
But an addiction is forever
And I am hooked once again

I can't help but feel
That this isn't how life was supposed to be
I was not intended to be born
Wanting nothing more than to perish
And escape from all the suffering
That has plagued me for all of my days
And has kept me trapped inside
A broken heart, an empty mind

Death would be a release
From the day to day struggles
That weigh me down
Battering my willpower
Eroding any and all chances I have
To be happy, and normal
Instead of forcing smiles
With dead eyes

One shot should do the trick
Or a noose, nice and thick
So as to hold up the bulk of my sorrows
That have been on my shoulders for years
Better yet a handful of pills
And a dignified departure
From a miserable life
Into a blissful end

Ghosts of the past
Lingering for so long
Whispering hate so powerful
Making one wish they were gone

The demons are persistent
Never do they cease
The memories, so fatal
Prevent one from finding peace

A captain always goes down with his ship
There is honor in that, valor
Guns blazing as you sink, defiant to the end
I never understood where they got the courage
Found a cause worth dying for
Why not be captured?
Isn't prison better than death?
Those Lords of the high seas, they always seemed so confusing to me

I think I understand it now though
Staying attached to a lost cause
Because when you invest so much of yourself in something
It is really, really hard to let it go
So despite odds that most likely will crush you
You battle on, heels dug in, back to the wall
This love is a poison, and she will be the death of you
But you continue fighting the good fights; it is all you know how to do

time moves so
slow, when i'm with you and
i can imagine, in the chaos of my mind
a future, of you and i
together
forever living in love and bliss
waking up every morning just to give you a kiss
falling further and further in love and i know
you are my soul mate,my everything
my world

Tick, tock
Tick, tock, tick, tock
Time marches forward
An unstoppable force
And what, may I ask, are you doing?
Why is it, that we simply **** time'
When we all know, that killing time kills you
And we live, for nothing
No higher purpose, no reason
We live, simply so that the next day is better
And then the next day after that
Until there are no more days left
And you have died, for nothing

Death is immortality
What is gone can never be forgotten