The walls were blue or
Maybe, grey and
Your eyes were brown
Your hair, the same
The music so soft
An echo in my mind
The hours drifted slowly
The worst passage of time

My voice, once sure
Now hesitant and shy
My heart, once pure
Now broken and dying
In the moonlight through the window
You looked at me like a ghost
As you told me, so cruelly
I was not the man you loved the most

Mistakes
I remember one day
We were standing in the snow
Winter was strange that year
Bi-polar in a way
Icy nights mixed with 50 degree days
Not much made sense
Until I found you
And you were my rock
Steady, constant
Keeping me levelheaded throughout all the trials and tribulations
That a young man faces growing up

I never knew I needed that
Someone I could rely on
So I foolishly struck out on my own
Thinking I was stronger
Than I actually could be
So when I burned out, like always
I had nobody to save me
So I crashed hard

These days I miss you
And regret walking away
Because I know now that I needed you
And I think I still need you
To make things feel okay
When life is going to hell
And I feel all alone
So if I ask you to come back?
Could I have you, for just one day?

sitting outside the bar, chain smoking again
the clock just hit midnight, you've been here since ten
and you only came out, to see some old friends
but it seems they're just nowhere to be found
so you head back inside, settle your tab
make a joke about loneliness, with a maniacal laugh
and you hope and you pray, that things they could change
but you know it's a pipe dream, this life will remain

Love is in the air tonight
Can you feel it in your lungs?
Burning hotter than some smoke would feel
When you've found the one
The one that completes you
Call her your better half
For when we are born it is incomplete
Until you win her back
Because you lost her in the time before time
Where chaos reigned over all
And you are born to find her before you return
To death, because that's where we belong
Before birth and after life, death is our home
And we live to find the one
That would make that home our own

They said to always be honest
So I tried not to lie
But it seems that we would rather be ignorant
Than face a harsh reality

They said to always be honest
Even when the truth hurts
But my words fall on deaf ears
As you refuse to listen

They said to always be honest
So I told you how I felt
But you laughed and turned away
Cause you didn't want to help

They sad to always be honest
So as I am tying this noose
I want y'all to know
All I needed was someone to here the truth
Instead of barricading themselves in a world of lies

Silence
When the heart stops beating, the lungs stop breathing
The footsteps, they are no more
Hands no longer snap, clap, wave
Vocal chords no longer vibrate
Mouths no longer twist these vibrations to word
Laughter is gone, as are the tears
Sobs, they are no more
Noses, no longer blown
A conspiratorial whisper is history
Teeth rest still in the cold
Dead.

Friends leave
I get that
Nothing lasts forever

But you believed her lies about me
And that really
Hurt

life used to be so simple
wake up in the morning, have some cereal
walk to school all excited
you got to see your friends after all
recess was such a blessing
20 minutes of fresh air, playing tag or kickball
girls had cooties so you pretended you were too cool to hangout with them
and they giggled and pointed and teased you
but that meant they liked you, and it made you smile
after school you'd play in the yard
leaping from surface to surface, cause the ground was lava, and you couldn't fall
joy was so easy to come by
hardship was a runny nose, or wheat bread for your lunch
and the cuts on your arms were from crawling in a rose bush
chasing butterflies with a mindless passion
dinner was a time for family
you could talk about your day, spend time with dad
and after, maybe everyone would watch tv together
laughing and smiling
life was so simple back then
why'd it have to change?

now you don't wake up in the mornings
because you couldn't sleep last night
the demons didn't let you
breakfast?
you haven't had that in years; you never have the time
you still walk to school, but now its a slow, weary trudge
because you are dreading the hours you spend in a perfect hell
anxiety ridden, stress filled, insult filled torture
recess doesn't exist anymore
because when you are older, they decide you don't need it
now the guys you used to hangout with think they are too cool for you
they are off chasing girls, because that is what they;re supposed to do
and the girls? well, they still call you names
but somehow, "******" doesn't make you smile quite like "butthead" did
after school you trudge home and stare at a screen
killing time, trying to find anything to distract yourself
so you don't have to consider reality
because nowadays, the ground really is like lava
and if you walk in it wrong, all those ugly problems will rear their heads
being sick is normal; you have worse things to deal with
because dad sleeps on the couch, and mom's smiles never reach her eyes
and the cuts on your arms?
you tell people it was some rose bushes you stumbled in walking home
but in all honestly, you put them their yourself in the depths of the night
after another dinner you skipped, because being fat is a sin
and family time is gone, you spend the night alone
brooding and sobbing
a hopeless wreck, unable to find the joy you used to have
life used to be so simple
I guess all good things had to end

Insomniac nights are so lonely and
Bizarre, with the medicine not working
Tossing and turning, half awake hallucinating
Sad and confused and fed up and bitter
Praying for sleep, or death, or relief
In the back of my mind wondering
If I'd ever fall asleep sad with you by my side

Slow it down.
Rushing from place to place, a whirlwind of motion
Energy wasted on meaningless tasks
And for what?
Slow it down.
Stop sometimes to appreciate the beauty
Found in all things present
See the lake, frozen now
Covered in snow, a pure canvas
Hear the children playing
Laughing, joking, bickering
Where did it all go wrong?
When was it decided that to be an adult
One must constantly work
Stress driving everyone crazy
From the moment you walk through those high school doors
Til the day you die, fading into nothing
Always in a hurry
Rushing towards your death
And for what?
Slow it down.
Life is a celebration
So scream joy from the roofs
Find peace in old books
And never let your happiness perish

everything is a circle
progress is a joke
i promised you i'd quit but still
i smoke and smoke and smoke
you told me that you loved me
i promised you the world
but you ran off for another
left me to grow alone

These days, not much seems to be working
Words don't flow so smoothly
The patterns are off
The rhymes predictable
The themes, all too common

When stuck in a rut
One can't do much
But ride out the waves of frustration
And hope to your God for inspiration
And hope to your God, for inspiration

The King sits atop his thrown
Overlooking the entire world
As we are all trapped beneath
And in his power, there is no happiness
In his power, there is no satisfaction
Just fear, and sadness
Because when everybody is watching
Every mistake hurts a thousand times more
And when everyone is watching
All of the paranoia is multiplied to a degree
That cripples ones ability to act, yet act they must
For leaders must lead no matter what
And while some have the character to do so
This king is a coward, doing his best
Which is hardly good at all
And he knows now that he is on top of the world
The only thing left for him to do
Is fall

Growing older
Time runs out
Mistake no longer can be undone
I'm stuck with the hand I was dealt
Depression and sickness, forever a plague
A life of misery awaits
Nobody cares if you're sad as an adult
You're supposed to stand up and be a man
Men don't cry
Men are always strong
And I don't think I am capable of that

The music was so loud that night
And it overwhelmed all of our senses
Minds unable to think
And hearts unable to feel
Anything but what the music was
Telling us to experience
Together

The pain in his voice
Calling us back to
His memories and life
Tales of heartbreak and horror
Triumph and love
We are no longer ourselves
And it is good

Escaping from our bodies
Entering another's reality
So much less painful
Than our own battles
It keeps us sane
Gives us strength
Allows us to carry on living, for another dawn

Two hearts beating
Strangers, yes
But we're so much better than the rest
A connection running wide and deep
Better than any with the company you keep
Darling stare into my eyes
Choose to make me your only guy
Two beats one
This is true
Which is why I'm stuck here staring at you

Eternal suffering was too much of a commitment
No more depression
One bullet

The scars will never
Fade away completely
Every time I look down I will be
Reminded of those awful days
When I was completely
Alone
With nobody
By my side
Guiding me through
Those nights oh so
Cold

Rock bottom isn't a place but
A state of mind, and
Mental illnesses linger in
The nooks and crannies of your mind
Depression always present
Wreaking havoc on your days
Anxiety a crippling punishment
Filling this life with pain
Never sleeping, because the nightmares
Have grown to loud at night
Eyes open, stare at the ceiling
Unsure if you can continue the fight

The rain falls, a soft pitter-patter in the background
Over it plays our music, calm and sweet
A song of love lost, never to be found again
Sad music, the best we have
Outside the windows, we watch the world pass us by
The rain distorting images, refracting light
Making the world a foregin, beautiful place once more
Like when we were children
Uncorrupted by the cynicism we develeop as protection
From a cruel cruel world
You drive, while I sit passenger
We don't talk
Words would only spoil the moment
With the rain, and the music
Your hand and mine, intertwined
We achieve a state of peace, tranquility
Perfection
And then
SWERVE
No more

One man army staring into the abyss
Thin skinned crusader trying to shift the culture
But when you fall, you fall alone
And rock bottom is a lonely place
Every night another war to be fought
Allies perished, friends are gone
So this is growing up my darling
I'm not sure how long I can go on

Everyday and every night
I stare at your name
A box open, thinking of all the things i could say
Something witty, hoping to draw a smile
Or something flirty, hoping to draw a blush
To the beautiful face of the beautiful girl
That has my thoughts in a scramble

I have never been this unsure
Of how to approach a girl
And the thought of you frightens me
Because I don't know what you've heard
About the things I did, but worse
The things I would never do
That were spread around like the gospel truth

I want you to love me
Because two is better than one
And our pair would be the happiest around
But I can't pull the trigger
And set the wheels in motion
Because this heart can't bear another rejection
So I am begging God, that you, darling, will take a chance on me

Geek, ***, loser
Find the rope to hang
Anxiety attack on deck
Don't nobody feel your pain
Weight of the world on your shoulders
Daddy isn't around
Family falling to pieces
Home run into the ground

Little brother cries after school
Its what the bullies have turned him into
Bright child full of love
Living in a world full of hate
Turned into a scared child now
Growing up ***** when you're his age
Everyday is a struggle trying to be optimistic
Knowing he has to go to a place where the kids are so sadistic

My hands, they quiver
My voice, it shakes
My heart, its pounding
My head, it aches
My friends, they're dead
My enemies, in power
My life, its passing
My death, next hour

Sometimes I don't know why I bother
Well, actually, that's a lie
I never know why i bother
To struggle through everyday
Overwhelmed with sadness
Every waking moment is a battle
And my strength is faltering

My body bears the marks
Of a war long waged
Against myself
You either win or die
In his kind of war
And I find myself far closer to dying
With every sunrise

Goodbyes would be too painful
Probably more than I could bear
So if that day ever does come
It will seem i disappeared
With no explanation found
And nothing to comfort those I leave behind
Assassinated by this sadness, erased from your minds

Stylistically stagnant  
Repetitive lines
Heavy ****
Hollow minds

Broken hearts
Hard times
Growing up
Never fine

****** Wrists
Empty bottles
Night stand
Open Bibles

Pray hard
No answer
**** religion
God's cancer

Born alone
Die alone
Heaven calls
Coming home

We came into this world alone
We live this life alone
We depart to the afterlife, alone
No matter what we do or try
There will always be something preventing us
From truly being one with someone else
So we are forced to travel this journey solo
Others have the ability to assist
But the battles are for us and us alone
Win, lose, or draw
We march on alone
And that's pretty **** sad

Childhood innocence
What a beautiful thing
Back when Papa was a super hero
Mama tucked you into bed every night
And getting high, was something you did with a swing
Everything was exciting and new
Imaginations ran wild
That run down shack in the woods?
A castle, perfect for games of war

Adolescence was miserable
Such a horrible time
Papa wasn't there; the bar was his domain
Mama smoked to much and cried herself to sleep every night
And pills were popped every night, just to survive
It was so hard to find a smile
Everything seemed empty and fake
And that shack in the woods?
Used now only for the least personal kind of date

High school's end was a blessing
Though its a surprise you made it out alive
Papa was gone, he never even called
And mama was drunk, she couldn't handle it all
Living such a burden, so hard for you to do
Life seemingly hopeless, no joy around for you
So you went back to that shack in the woods, for the very last time
And left this world behind you, one pill at a time

Sitting on the dock smoking those stupid cigarettes
A half smile on your lips I fell in love
As the wind blows and howls
The lighter refuses to spark
So we huddled together
Hoping to nurse it to a blaze
Physically closer than we ever had been before

And as the lighter catches and you inhale deeply
I shrug and reach for one myself
Because in that moment you had stepped away
And i wanted you back in close
So I lit it, we sat together
Any doubts in my mind about my health
Erased by the rapid beating my heart felt

Arm in arm we talked the night away
Waiting for the sunrise
Two lonely souls now together
Bonded over a ritual as old as time itself
Yet still as magic as the day it was discovered
And when I looked over and asked you for another light
Our mouths were kissing; the world was right

The path to hell
They say it is paved with good intentions
I was never quite sure what it meant
Or who they were
But it felt right
So I did not question it
And walked on

Words are a funny thing
Things so similar in composition
So different in reality
Like ******
And heroine
One a dark hole threatening to destroy a life
The other a strong woman waiting to save you

They said the path to hell is paved with good intentions
So I let her try to help
I thought she meant well
It certainly seemed that way at first
But her presence was a poison, weakening me subtly
Destroying all of my independent strength
Making me reliant on her

******, heroine
Only one letter different
But by definition, they are worlds apart
Or so I thought
In my naivete
Life has taught me otherwise
I know things now

At least with ******, you know what you are getting into
It doesn't have a pretty facade
An alluring smile
It is a type of hell
But an honest one
One that if you commit to, you do in full knowledge
Unlike the heroine that killed me

Because **** me she did
Someone I saw as a hero at first
Turned into a villain
By the fault of nobody
Simple circumstance destroying all
The path to hell is paved with good intentions
And you can get there via ******, or heroine

Smoke filled my lungs
As we sat on the porch
Swinging back and forth
In silence, neither of us daring
To break the silence
That hung between us like a curtain
Because if one of us spoke
Reality would come rushing back
And we would be reminded that
Life is pain
With every passing moment
Bringing us closer to our
Death
And though this seemed eternal
Our night together
Was doomed to die

You hear the ticking of the clock
Steady, droning on and on
Marking the path to death
A long, harrowing journey

You heard the ticking of the clock
Or rather, you thought you did
Until the sudden revelation that it was a bomb
Intent on shortening that journey quite considerably

They do not think of the individual
For them, there is no individual receiving their actions
They do not think, of what their action have done to the individual
They think only of themselves, and how they had to do it
So as to seem a good person, in the eyes of their peers

They can destroy a life
Just to justify their own
Not to themselves, but to others
"I did this, so I am a good friend"
No, you did that so you could seem a good friend, not be one

A good friend thinks of both parties
Not just themselves
You aren't a good friend
What you did, it was not right
Adding stress is a horrible way of eliminating stress

Think, now, before you act
Learn, please, from your mistakes
Never do this again
To anyone
Seeing the damage it caused

Pleasant surprises never come to me and
Pessimism is how I learned to survive
So forgive me if I show doubt my darling
I haven't felt this happy for a very long time

She loves me
She loves me not
She loves me
She loves me not
She loves me not
She loves me not
It always comes back to this
Affection from afar
One sided, hidden
Longing infecting my every thought
Every moment, every action
Defined by the ultimate question
What if?

What if, she did love me
How would things be
Nights together under the stars, secrets swapped like treasures
Or how it usually is
Cold
Empty
Painful
I don't search for an answer to What if
Because I am afraid to find out

A very famous man once said
My reality is brighter than your dreams are
On top of the world, so joyously triumphant
I never in a million years would have dreamed
That I could somehow relate

But with every moment I spent
Holding you tight to my chest
Every kiss of your lips
Your fingers tracing down my neck
I began to understand
What it was like to know Love
The sweetest of happiness
God's Gift from above

In life I've never been an optimist
Conditioned to expect the worst
But with you around it is easy
To see that life isn't meant to hurt
Times do change, things do gets better
We can grow and we can learn
With you by my side darling
I'm on top of the world

The past refuses to rest
In its shallow grave
As the memories return
A cascade of thoughts and emotions
Pouring into me as I contemplate
The feel of your hand in mine
As the city streets passed us by
Walking to nowhere
So happy, to be walking
to Nowhere

Your scent lingers just beneath my skin
Traces inhaled with every breath
Rose perfume with every yawn
Peanut butter kisses with every sip
Those green eyes so piercing stared
Into my soul, so fragile in love
The feel of your hair on my arm
Curled up in bed, with a book
Leaves me dreaming
Wondering
If you were the one

A knife in the back
Such a subtle weapon
Sneaking up unnoticed at force
Tip hovering behind your heart
And then a ****** and a twist
And death is upon thee
A knife in the back is such a subtle weapon
And it is what killed me

Dead beat loner trapped in a world
Soon to be stoner not moving forward
Friends off to college, mistakes of the past
Keep him stuck at home, life changed so fast
From bright with a future to dumb soon to die
Chain smoking cigarettes, maybe tonight is the night
Sick in the head, broken down mind
Illness killed potential, future died those nights
Flirting with death while my love was asleep
Nobody to help me, nobody to set me free
One man army always doomed to fail
One man army, now a corpse so pale

I can't get her out of my head
It's this girl
A stranger to me, yet all I can think of
Beautiful beyond belief
A million dollar smile
The easiest laugh I have ever had the pleasure of hearing
Its this girl
And she will never be mine

Walks in the park
Naps in the sun
I just want some tea by the fire
Skinny dipping at midnight
Kisses stolen, snatches of heaven
Secrets shared, sleep long forgotten
I just want to love, and be loved

That's not how it works though
For me, anyways
I will get loneliness
Nights spent by myself
Nobody to share the blanket with
Or to rely on, while being relied on

Its this girl
And she won't be mine

It is quiet here
An eerie silence
As if we were in the time before time
When God reigned alone
And humanity was naught but a thought

Life, such a trifling thing
Fleeting, brief
Like a flash in the pan, or a shooting star
A moment, quickly forgotten
By the powers above

Silence, accompanied by darkness
The darkness you can feel, a solid wall
Where you can't move, can't breathe
Can't do anything at all
But feel terrified, of those in the dark

Those things, wrought by your fear
Undefined, unnamed, but immensely powerful
The darkest dregs of your unconscious are concealed here
Here, in the darkness
Where the monsters roam

everything is a circle
you've played this game for years
twelve, seventeen, twenty-five
it is all the same my dear

A shot to numb the pain
Four more to do the same
Drinking into this oblivion
Wanting nothing but to forget
Because I am haunted
The ghosts of the past follow
And I can not escape them

Feel the smoke inside me
Drifting in tomy lungs
Fire is at my fingertips
You wonder what I've done?
I had a cigarette
Whats 3 more
Just trying to have some fun

A slash to wake me up
A score more to keep me here
Anything to feel better
To live without a fear
But life is a battle
And I am destined to lose
As I sigh deeply and cry, tying this noose

Goodbye is now forever
The package at your door
Contains my final message
The words I couldn't say
I love you but I must go
Life was too much to bear
And so I fade away

We
Meaning us
As in you, and me
And him, her, she
All of us, together
The disenfranchised youth
Rising up as one

We
Meaning the future
Change, a fresh start
Learning from the mistakes of the past
Diving into the success readily available
For us, that other form of we
A collective, meaning you, and me

Some distances seem insurmountable
Miles can be light years in the wrong hands and
A solitary life was never what I wanted but
You're gone and all I have left here is
Love for you
Contempt for myself
Long nights filled with nothingness
And a desperate need to be okay

Freedom, that glorious principle
Men live for it, as they die for it
Freedom means many things, each unique to the thinker
Freedom to speak, to write, to faith

What is freedom to me?
Freedom is standing at the mouth of an abyss
Staring into hell, choosing my path
Freedom is the wind at my back, the rain on my skin
A storm, reigning over the world

Freedom is the choice
Freedom is all of the choices
To choose, it is mans greatest gift
That which separates us from the wild

Freedom is thinking before you speak
And speaking before you think
It is a contradiction, a confusion
The right to not make sense

What is freedom?
Freedom is me
Freedom is you
Freedom is us.
And us, my friends, us is a wonderful thing

Rock bottom was my home
But I slipped through the cracks
Free falling into oblivion
With no end in sight, I wait
Dreaming of the night
You will be here next to me
Promising that everything will be okay

But optimism is a fools gold
And Eve cursed us
So I know there is no hope for lost souls
No peace for weary minds
Just a life full of pain, and fear
Empty bottles on the night stand
And unanswered prayers

Take my hand and walk with me darling
For I have a story to tell you
Its one of the past, and of the future
Concerning the longevity of a night
And the brevity of a decade

The story starts off simple enough
Boy meets girl, and he is captivated with her presence
Though his eyes rest upon her for but a moment, that moment is the longest of his life
And nothing could ever be the same after
For when you find your other half, you feel empty until unity

The backs tory is a bit more complicated
Girl meets boys, over and over again
Searching for that perfection, floating in the clouds
Eventually becomes jaded, for all of the bad men in the world
And she is damaged, bitter goods

Our protagonist stands up and rushes over
Tapping the ******* the shoulder as she passes him by
I'm  sorry to bother you miss, but I couldn't help but say
Seeing you has made it the most beautiful of days
And though it may sound strange, I feel like we were meant to know each other

She surveys him with cynicism
Wondering what she did to have some stranger harass her
And as she looks at him, scathing rejection on the tip of her tongue
She sees something in his eyes, something pure and intriguing
And she instead finds herself asking, fancy a drink?

Life can be incredible sometimes
And the boy can't believe his luck
Good fortune like this only happens in the movies
But he flashes a smile, and takes her by the hand
Said come, lets have a good time

Trailing slightly behind him, the girl feels a sense of awe
Because she had learned to repel any sort of human connections
Yet here she was with a boy she just met
Off on a date she hadn't expected
Inexplicably happier than she had been in ages

That night seemed to last forever
They sat and talked and laughed
Two souls connecting instantly
As if they had always known the other
And everything was right

They go their separate ways that night, promising to keep in touch
As they lay down to sleep alone, they wish nothing more than  to be with the other in the morning
And with a flash, they wake up
The man and the woman, together in love
With the years that passed by far too quickly, an the moments that seemed to never end

She says she doesn't know the new me
But hell, I didn't know I changed
She says I'm cold now, distant
But I thought she wanted space
She says she misses the old days
But I swear she was always sad
She says she hates the new me
But I'm just trying to be what she says she want's

She says she is on to the next one
But I thought she claimed my love forever
She says its not her, its me
But I recollect living it a bit differently
She says we should still be friends
But I know that's a lie
She says see you around
But I know this is goodbye

I say wait, give us time
But she can't wait any longer
I say wait, you swore you were mine
But she doesn't care anymore
I say why are you doing this
And she responds with a laugh
I say this is killing me
And she says honey, I don't care for your death

When you hear the word devil
The first thought that comes to mind
Is of a little red man with horns
He embodies evil, stands for darkness
And in theory, you know to always avoid him
Theory is far different from practice however
And the devil is a crafty man
Assuming many guises, hoping to ensnare you
He can be the most beautiful person in the world
Because he once was an angel, God's favorite
And though he has fallen from grace, his past remains

I never thought the devil would trick me
I was faithful, vigilant
I chose to seek out good people and live a life full of love
Little did I know, those good people
Were servants of the devil
Casting a facade, drawing me in
Ultimately, an attempt to destroy me was made
And though I did not perish
I am left a broken man
Unable to love, or trust
Because of two people, who seemed so wonderful
Who were actually the devil in disguise
Determined to crush my soul