These days, not much seems to be working
Words don't flow so smoothly
The patterns are off
The rhymes predictable
The themes, all too common

When stuck in a rut
One can't do much
But ride out the waves of frustration
And hope to your God for inspiration
And hope to your God, for inspiration

The sky is red
The Earth is flat
Life is eternal
I am over you

Everybody has that best friend
The one of the opposite gender
They're cute, funny, flirty
Being with them feels like home
Its just so right, ya know?
Always at ease
Switching back and forth
Between the trivial and the important
The happiness and the sadness
That person that you hold while they cry
And chase after while they scream with laughter
About some stupid thing they did to annoy you
Knowing full well it wasn't annoying
It was wonderful

Everyone has that friend
The friend that just fits
I happen to be in love with mine
She doesn't feel the same.

Tragic characters in an empty theater
God doesn't watch us
God doesn't care
The passion we were born with fades to dust
With every cigarette we inhale so eager for our death
On the last night on Earth I will stand by your side
We can plunge to our death
In love,
You and I.

There are times where
We are sitting together
And my hand
Instinctively finds your's
Normally I do not like
Being touched at all
Never a fan of hand holding
Always quick to put distance
Between myself and another
Because the contact
Was suffocating
But with you
It is different
It feels different
And the closeness
Is not a hardship to be endured
But a joy to be celebrated
Because when I look down to find your hand in mine
I smile
And know that for once
All is okay

Pale skin
Red lipstick
Big brown eyes
I never stood a chance
My heart melted
It is obvious why

A new moon
Hiding away from sight
We know its there
We cannot forget her presence
But it cannot be seen

Depression is like that
An illness, on the inside
When you have it, you never forget
A moments respite
Is never available to you

Hero
H-E-R-O
One word, Four letters
Loaded with meaning
But what, daresay, is the meaning?
What makes a hero?

Well, there are stereotypes
Storybook characters, playing the role
Strong, brave, handsome
Chivalrous, even. Bold and daring
But that isn't a real hero

A real hero is weak, cowardly
They lack confidence, they aren't strong, smart, or handsome
They live their lives in the background
If they had a color, it would be something nondescript
A beige, perhaps, or a muted blue
They live and let live

Until the time comes, where they must step up
The true hero, they seize the moment
They act against their fear, they gain strength they thought they lacked
To save the day
And fade, into the background

Freedom, that glorious principle
Men live for it, as they die for it
Freedom means many things, each unique to the thinker
Freedom to speak, to write, to faith

What is freedom to me?
Freedom is standing at the mouth of an abyss
Staring into hell, choosing my path
Freedom is the wind at my back, the rain on my skin
A storm, reigning over the world

Freedom is the choice
Freedom is all of the choices
To choose, it is mans greatest gift
That which separates us from the wild

Freedom is thinking before you speak
And speaking before you think
It is a contradiction, a confusion
The right to not make sense

What is freedom?
Freedom is me
Freedom is you
Freedom is us.
And us, my friends, us is a wonderful thing

Everyday and every night
I stare at your name
A box open, thinking of all the things i could say
Something witty, hoping to draw a smile
Or something flirty, hoping to draw a blush
To the beautiful face of the beautiful girl
That has my thoughts in a scramble

I have never been this unsure
Of how to approach a girl
And the thought of you frightens me
Because I don't know what you've heard
About the things I did, but worse
The things I would never do
That were spread around like the gospel truth

I want you to love me
Because two is better than one
And our pair would be the happiest around
But I can't pull the trigger
And set the wheels in motion
Because this heart can't bear another rejection
So I am begging God, that you, darling, will take a chance on me

life used to be so simple
wake up in the morning, have some cereal
walk to school all excited
you got to see your friends after all
recess was such a blessing
20 minutes of fresh air, playing tag or kickball
girls had cooties so you pretended you were too cool to hangout with them
and they giggled and pointed and teased you
but that meant they liked you, and it made you smile
after school you'd play in the yard
leaping from surface to surface, cause the ground was lava, and you couldn't fall
joy was so easy to come by
hardship was a runny nose, or wheat bread for your lunch
and the cuts on your arms were from crawling in a rose bush
chasing butterflies with a mindless passion
dinner was a time for family
you could talk about your day, spend time with dad
and after, maybe everyone would watch tv together
laughing and smiling
life was so simple back then
why'd it have to change?

now you don't wake up in the mornings
because you couldn't sleep last night
the demons didn't let you
breakfast?
you haven't had that in years; you never have the time
you still walk to school, but now its a slow, weary trudge
because you are dreading the hours you spend in a perfect hell
anxiety ridden, stress filled, insult filled torture
recess doesn't exist anymore
because when you are older, they decide you don't need it
now the guys you used to hangout with think they are too cool for you
they are off chasing girls, because that is what they;re supposed to do
and the girls? well, they still call you names
but somehow, "******" doesn't make you smile quite like "butthead" did
after school you trudge home and stare at a screen
killing time, trying to find anything to distract yourself
so you don't have to consider reality
because nowadays, the ground really is like lava
and if you walk in it wrong, all those ugly problems will rear their heads
being sick is normal; you have worse things to deal with
because dad sleeps on the couch, and mom's smiles never reach her eyes
and the cuts on your arms?
you tell people it was some rose bushes you stumbled in walking home
but in all honestly, you put them their yourself in the depths of the night
after another dinner you skipped, because being fat is a sin
and family time is gone, you spend the night alone
brooding and sobbing
a hopeless wreck, unable to find the joy you used to have
life used to be so simple
I guess all good things had to end

One man army staring into the abyss
Thin skinned crusader trying to shift the culture
But when you fall, you fall alone
And rock bottom is a lonely place
Every night another war to be fought
Allies perished, friends are gone
So this is growing up my darling
I'm not sure how long I can go on

You can forgive, not forget
Because the past never really dies
It fades away into awkward silences
And sideways glances
Just below the surface, hidden in plain sight
Things always end badly
Because the end only comes when something has gone wrong
Knowing this, I was still shocked to see you become
So cruel and callous a person
Without a **** to give for those you loved

Insomniac nights are so lonely and
Bizarre, with the medicine not working
Tossing and turning, half awake hallucinating
Sad and confused and fed up and bitter
Praying for sleep, or death, or relief
In the back of my mind wondering
If I'd ever fall asleep sad with you by my side

If he dies, he dies
With trouble on his mind
Future looking hazy
This is the end of the line
With a cigarette in hand, walking to the water
He hit the bottle hard, longing for the other
One, in his life that could make all this right
But this is the real world, not a dream
And after that fight
She isn't coming back, he knows this in his heart
As he looks up to the sky
Praying for this life to stop
Not thinking of the good things
Trapped in a world full of pain
Blinders on, paranoia rules here
No love left, just hate
Chemical dependencies couldn't take him away
The six shot revolver, couldn't decide his fate
So he turned his hood up and walked into the distance
Praying for an act of God to please
Simply just end this

The path to hell
They say it is paved with good intentions
I was never quite sure what it meant
Or who they were
But it felt right
So I did not question it
And walked on

Words are a funny thing
Things so similar in composition
So different in reality
Like ******
And heroine
One a dark hole threatening to destroy a life
The other a strong woman waiting to save you

They said the path to hell is paved with good intentions
So I let her try to help
I thought she meant well
It certainly seemed that way at first
But her presence was a poison, weakening me subtly
Destroying all of my independent strength
Making me reliant on her

******, heroine
Only one letter different
But by definition, they are worlds apart
Or so I thought
In my naivete
Life has taught me otherwise
I know things now

At least with ******, you know what you are getting into
It doesn't have a pretty facade
An alluring smile
It is a type of hell
But an honest one
One that if you commit to, you do in full knowledge
Unlike the heroine that killed me

Because **** me she did
Someone I saw as a hero at first
Turned into a villain
By the fault of nobody
Simple circumstance destroying all
The path to hell is paved with good intentions
And you can get there via ******, or heroine

The scars will never
Fade away completely
Every time I look down I will be
Reminded of those awful days
When I was completely
Alone
With nobody
By my side
Guiding me through
Those nights oh so
Cold

These city streets are empty and cold
Devoid of life
Not a soul walks here but me
Alone in a world of sadness and pain
With tattered mind
And a broken heart

Life is a harsh endeavor
Joy sparse and brief
Tragedy lurks around the corners
One can do nothing to avoid
So I march head on into it
Embracing my fate

Nothing lasts forever
Save one thing, Death
So to death I walk
With my head held high
Hoping to find a more hospitable place
Than this Earth

10 is the number of a team
Working in unison to achieve success
9 is the number of the men
Who judge us all before their seats
8 is the number of dancers
Weaving and twisting in time
7 is the number of magicians
So that their illusions can survive
6 is the number of people
Crammed into this old house, fighting
5 is the number of celebration
Hands raised, slapped together
4 is the number of conflict
Friends tearing each other apart
3 is the number of strength
A triangle, holding up the world
2 is the number of lovers
So that neither will be alone
1 is the number of the man
Who commits perfect evil, or perfect good

Remember me with joy
Curly hair a mess
Giggling like a child
Loving, affectionate, free

Erase from your mind the wreck that has come instead
Cold, bitter, angry
For it is not how I want to be remembered
I want to be remembered at my best

Dark hair and dark eyes
pale skin, you look a ghost
Bright red lips drawing attention
To the insane beauty you possess
And no mortal man could resist
The feelings of intrigue you radiate
Biting your lip, periodically looking up through your bangs
Writing away, sitting alone in a coffee shop
A seat open across from you
An invitation, if one dares to take it
So take it I must
For at this moment
Knowing you seems to be the most important of pursuits
Though I can't help but feel that nobody has ever known you
For you are a mystery for any to behold
And none to comprehend

Paranoid minds never find peace
A thousand battles I have fought
With nobody here beside me
Anxiety builds swiftly
The pounding in my chest
Every mistake I've ever made
Makes me wish for death

The future looks bleak
Taking a pill every day
Chemically imbalanced brains cause suffering
Praying for something to take me away
Hit the bottle hard, looking for an escape
Anything to outlive this madness
That plagues my every day

I tried to run away
But despite my best efforts
I couldn't avoid the truth
That in life, and in love
All of my paths, lead to you

So often in this life
Love is spent in the wrong places
Hearts offered in tribute to those who do not deserve
The trust and compassion you bestow upon them
Judging the character of a man is difficult
But I beg of you, do your best my dear
For my heart breaks more and more each day
When I'm reminded of the fact that you are in love
With the wrong man

Pleasant surprises never come to me and
Pessimism is how I learned to survive
So forgive me if I show doubt my darling
I haven't felt this happy for a very long time

I am nothing
Perhaps even less
Though I try so hard
To finally achieve
Happiness
My efforts seem futile
It seems that for every step forward
I fall two more back
Retreating further and further
Losing hope, faith dwindling
My mind empty, my heart crushed
For I am so worthless
And she, so lovely
Smart and funny, beautiful land kind
No shot in hell, she will ever be mine
Walks in the park, our hands intertwined
Cuddling in bed, the silence so golden
Hearts beat together
Words are not needed
And though i pray nightly
For this dream to come true
Somehow I know
My wishes shan't come through
Because alone is how God made me
Alone I am destined to be
A tragedy befalls me
A life of pain envelops me

A captain always goes down with his ship
There is honor in that, valor
Guns blazing as you sink, defiant to the end
I never understood where they got the courage
Found a cause worth dying for
Why not be captured?
Isn't prison better than death?
Those Lords of the high seas, they always seemed so confusing to me

I think I understand it now though
Staying attached to a lost cause
Because when you invest so much of yourself in something
It is really, really hard to let it go
So despite odds that most likely will crush you
You battle on, heels dug in, back to the wall
This love is a poison, and she will be the death of you
But you continue fighting the good fights; it is all you know how to do

Splitting pain throughout my head
Can't help but wish that I was dead
Foggy memories crowd my mind
Making me a long for an earlier time
Before the hits and brain so damaged
Back when I had problems I could manage
Words come out in a jumbled mess
Stumbling and stumbling as a try to confess
That though now broken I was once whole
That I can conquer this injury and become the me of old
Four times recorded when my brain did falter
Became countless Sundays praying at the altar
Father heal me from the lingering pains
Please, let me be whole again

Geek, ***, loser
Find the rope to hang
Anxiety attack on deck
Don't nobody feel your pain
Weight of the world on your shoulders
Daddy isn't around
Family falling to pieces
Home run into the ground

Little brother cries after school
Its what the bullies have turned him into
Bright child full of love
Living in a world full of hate
Turned into a scared child now
Growing up ***** when you're his age
Everyday is a struggle trying to be optimistic
Knowing he has to go to a place where the kids are so sadistic

Take my hand and walk with me darling
For I have a story to tell you
Its one of the past, and of the future
Concerning the longevity of a night
And the brevity of a decade

The story starts off simple enough
Boy meets girl, and he is captivated with her presence
Though his eyes rest upon her for but a moment, that moment is the longest of his life
And nothing could ever be the same after
For when you find your other half, you feel empty until unity

The backs tory is a bit more complicated
Girl meets boys, over and over again
Searching for that perfection, floating in the clouds
Eventually becomes jaded, for all of the bad men in the world
And she is damaged, bitter goods

Our protagonist stands up and rushes over
Tapping the ******* the shoulder as she passes him by
I'm  sorry to bother you miss, but I couldn't help but say
Seeing you has made it the most beautiful of days
And though it may sound strange, I feel like we were meant to know each other

She surveys him with cynicism
Wondering what she did to have some stranger harass her
And as she looks at him, scathing rejection on the tip of her tongue
She sees something in his eyes, something pure and intriguing
And she instead finds herself asking, fancy a drink?

Life can be incredible sometimes
And the boy can't believe his luck
Good fortune like this only happens in the movies
But he flashes a smile, and takes her by the hand
Said come, lets have a good time

Trailing slightly behind him, the girl feels a sense of awe
Because she had learned to repel any sort of human connections
Yet here she was with a boy she just met
Off on a date she hadn't expected
Inexplicably happier than she had been in ages

That night seemed to last forever
They sat and talked and laughed
Two souls connecting instantly
As if they had always known the other
And everything was right

They go their separate ways that night, promising to keep in touch
As they lay down to sleep alone, they wish nothing more than  to be with the other in the morning
And with a flash, they wake up
The man and the woman, together in love
With the years that passed by far too quickly, an the moments that seemed to never end

Honest moments are born
In the predawn stillness of the night
Tearful confessions whispered
Into the nook of one's neck
Smoke drifting lazily towards the ceiling
While the candle flickers in the background
Dancing and dancing all of the pain away

Speak to me
Save me from
The suffocating silence
Bringing overwhelming sadness
Depression and pain
Please, speak friend
Distract me from
This awful world
Where they say
Its not cool
To be gay
In the place
Where I felt
More at home
Than any other
Please friend, speak
Help me ignore
The horrible slurs
The daily torments
Found in media
Found in actions
Found in life
Speak my friend
Or I know
That surely I
Shall go insane
In a world
Where its cool
To hate a man
For being gay

You wish you could fly away
On the wings of a dragon
To a happier land
Escaping the pain of adolescence

But broken people
Receive no respite
From the damage suffered
Every moment

We came into this world alone
We live this life alone
We depart to the afterlife, alone
No matter what we do or try
There will always be something preventing us
From truly being one with someone else
So we are forced to travel this journey solo
Others have the ability to assist
But the battles are for us and us alone
Win, lose, or draw
We march on alone
And that's pretty **** sad

You don't know who you are
Because the foundation you grew up with
Isn't there any longer
Torn away by the stunning realization
That you drift a bit from the norm

All situations become awkward
You have to think before any interaction
Because hiding is is required
For if your secret gets out
You fear your life will end

Paranoid someone would betray you
You trust nobody
Distancing from friends and family
Scared to let anyone in
If it means risking them hating you

Religion used to be a safe haven
But no longer is it so
For you hear of the church committing horrible acts
Calling you immoral, a greater sinner than most
Simply for how you were born

On the news, you see the homeless youth
And your stomach turns with disgust
Trhwon out of the house for something beyond their control
You are terrified that it could be you
So you try and eradicate the feeling

Sometimes you feel brave
You drop hints to people, trying to reach out
But ultimately, the fear returns
So you pass off what you said as a joke
And feel ashamed for living

But ****** orientation ain't **** to feel shame about
You are who you are
And someday, you will tell the world
Prejudice be ******, you're a man
No matter what they say

Friends leave
I get that
Nothing lasts forever

But you believed her lies about me
And that really
Hurt

I had a dream last night
It was beautiful
I woke up beside you
Bodies intertwined
Your head on my chest
All was at peace in the world
And it was good

I had a nightmare this morning
When I awoke to an empty house
It was awful
Cold and lonely, I rolled out of bed
A solitary cup of coffee
Such a depressing affair
And it was bad

Dreams can be the best
And the worst things in the world
For as I learned the hard way
There can be two types of dreams about a girl
One where she loves you, one where she won't
The former a fantasy so hard to obtain
The latter a reality, nightmare turned to life

Nothing is forever
Even gravity was conquered
So chin up little soldier
I promise you will love another

I think about this girl all the time
Most of these poems are dedicated to her
And I'm so grateful that her parents decided to play it free
Because it produced this beautiful young lady
The only thing left that can inspire me
You see, life is a dark meaningless pit for me
Depression a beast I can't put back on the leash
It took control years ago, leaving this broken son
Basically brain dead, unable to have fun
Enjoyment doesn't come to me, all I know is pain
So when I met this girl, my mind was blown
It rearranged everything I thought I knew about this game
For the first time ever, hope was present
Death not so inviting, life worth living
Something to look forward every day, giving me a reason to get up in the morning
Breaking the constant cycle of sadness and mourning
Her smile? Golden
And hugging her was my only heaven on Earth
The embrace of someone you loved, it can cure you of any hurt
So when the thoughts come back
And I'm chilling with those pills
I tell her I love her, she says it back
And I manage to survive a little longer in this world

The past refuses to rest
In its shallow grave
As the memories return
A cascade of thoughts and emotions
Pouring into me as I contemplate
The feel of your hand in mine
As the city streets passed us by
Walking to nowhere
So happy, to be walking
to Nowhere

Your scent lingers just beneath my skin
Traces inhaled with every breath
Rose perfume with every yawn
Peanut butter kisses with every sip
Those green eyes so piercing stared
Into my soul, so fragile in love
The feel of your hair on my arm
Curled up in bed, with a book
Leaves me dreaming
Wondering
If you were the one

A thousand moments we took for granted
In the blink of an eye a year flies past
With a yawn spanning decades until suddenly
You wake up alone, not sure why
The diaspora college brings upon us is tragic
Shattered ties and broken hearts litter the land
Forced out into a world lacking compassion
We become adults far too soon
Wandering our way through the desert
In search of life, and love
and happiness
Hoping to find meaning
Desperate for a reason to keep going
Tired and hungry, lost and alone

I had a dream last night
That when I awoke
You were tangled in the sheets next to me
Our legs intertwined, our clothes scattered
Together and happy as never before

Reality hit when I came to this morning
Nobody next to me, cold and alone
The dream lingered just beyond my conscious thoughts
Leaving me with a hollow, empty feeling
Because you are gone

I wanted you to love me
But it wasn't fair to ask
You are beautiful, kind, lovely
And I'm a worthless wreck

My hands, they quiver
My voice, it shakes
My heart, its pounding
My head, it aches
My friends, they're dead
My enemies, in power
My life, its passing
My death, next hour

The rain falls, a soft pitter-patter in the background
Over it plays our music, calm and sweet
A song of love lost, never to be found again
Sad music, the best we have
Outside the windows, we watch the world pass us by
The rain distorting images, refracting light
Making the world a foregin, beautiful place once more
Like when we were children
Uncorrupted by the cynicism we develeop as protection
From a cruel cruel world
You drive, while I sit passenger
We don't talk
Words would only spoil the moment
With the rain, and the music
Your hand and mine, intertwined
We achieve a state of peace, tranquility
Perfection
And then
SWERVE
No more

I went swimming today
Twice
Which is weird because
In the past 4 years
I have been in the ocean a total of 6 times
Even though I live
In a small ocean town
Where the beach is
A short walk away
I went in the water today
Even though I have always hated
Being wet and
Salty the feeling on my
Skin is so uncomfortable
I always detested it
I went in the water today
Because I hate the person I am
And I thought that if I changed
One small part about myself
The rest could follow
And maybe if I could learn to
Love the water
I could learn to
Love myself

I doubt I will ever forget
The note you left me
On the day you walked out that door
I'm going to find a new world under the ocean
Somebody once told me there are ghost towns there
Do not mourn my departure, for I am happy now
With that, you married yourself to the Thames
Leaving me with a hole in my heart
For all of eternity

They said to always be honest
So I tried not to lie
But it seems that we would rather be ignorant
Than face a harsh reality

They said to always be honest
Even when the truth hurts
But my words fall on deaf ears
As you refuse to listen

They said to always be honest
So I told you how I felt
But you laughed and turned away
Cause you didn't want to help

They sad to always be honest
So as I am tying this noose
I want y'all to know
All I needed was someone to here the truth
Instead of barricading themselves in a world of lies

Sunrise, sunset
Another birth, another death
A family, now separated
Daddy's gone, he never made it
As the light, fades to dark
The little boy, begins to walk
And wonders why his father isn't home
And cries in his room, all alone
And cries in his room, all alone

The nights, they are
So long, and
The days so
Cold
My thoughts are a
Jumble, in this mess of
A head, darting
Back and forth, back and forth
Alternating between manic
Happiness and soul crushing
Depression as I sit on the
Bed where I last saw you
Walk away from me, away from me
Wondering why death seems
So tempting an escape and
Love seems so
Terrifying a fate