Lost in the haze of fog and regret
High up on cloud nine, I recline
Smoke drifts slowly up from my hands as I
Desperately seek an escape from this world, where
Emotions are liars who can not be trusted
and convictions are flimsy
Cast away in a single heartbeat

Justin Vernon had his cabin in the woods
A place where he found peace on Earth
Temporarily freed from the plagues of living
Blessed with the tranquility of a spiritual rebirth
Lost in the world I searched for my own meaning
A place I could call my home
Searching desperately for the illusion of safety
Praying that I wouldn't have to spend this life alone
But a million lost souls told a million sad tales
With words far more beautiful than mine
So when my journey became too much for you to handle
I understand why you walked away, for the final time

Live to fight another day, just to die another night
Unzip my veins and set me free
From empty bottles, and broken dreams
A shaky foundation indicates doom
And I'm alone in this hollow, desolate room
So forgive me if I must depart
I've been murdered by this broken heart

Rock bottom was my home
But I slipped through the cracks
Free falling into oblivion
With no end in sight, I wait
Dreaming of the night
You will be here next to me
Promising that everything will be okay

But optimism is a fools gold
And Eve cursed us
So I know there is no hope for lost souls
No peace for weary minds
Just a life full of pain, and fear
Empty bottles on the night stand
And unanswered prayers

Paranoid minds never find peace
A thousand battles I have fought
With nobody here beside me
Anxiety builds swiftly
The pounding in my chest
Every mistake I've ever made
Makes me wish for death

The future looks bleak
Taking a pill every day
Chemically imbalanced brains cause suffering
Praying for something to take me away
Hit the bottle hard, looking for an escape
Anything to outlive this madness
That plagues my every day

Tragic characters in an empty theater
God doesn't watch us
God doesn't care
The passion we were born with fades to dust
With every cigarette we inhale so eager for our death
On the last night on Earth I will stand by your side
We can plunge to our death
In love,
You and I.

A thousand moments we took for granted
In the blink of an eye a year flies past
With a yawn spanning decades until suddenly
You wake up alone, not sure why
The diaspora college brings upon us is tragic
Shattered ties and broken hearts litter the land
Forced out into a world lacking compassion
We become adults far too soon
Wandering our way through the desert
In search of life, and love
and happiness
Hoping to find meaning
Desperate for a reason to keep going
Tired and hungry, lost and alone

The nights, they are
So long, and
The days so
Cold
My thoughts are a
Jumble, in this mess of
A head, darting
Back and forth, back and forth
Alternating between manic
Happiness and soul crushing
Depression as I sit on the
Bed where I last saw you
Walk away from me, away from me
Wondering why death seems
So tempting an escape and
Love seems so
Terrifying a fate

Geek, ***, loser
Find the rope to hang
Anxiety attack on deck
Don't nobody feel your pain
Weight of the world on your shoulders
Daddy isn't around
Family falling to pieces
Home run into the ground

Little brother cries after school
Its what the bullies have turned him into
Bright child full of love
Living in a world full of hate
Turned into a scared child now
Growing up ***** when you're his age
Everyday is a struggle trying to be optimistic
Knowing he has to go to a place where the kids are so sadistic

The past refuses to rest
In its shallow grave
As the memories return
A cascade of thoughts and emotions
Pouring into me as I contemplate
The feel of your hand in mine
As the city streets passed us by
Walking to nowhere
So happy, to be walking
to Nowhere

Your scent lingers just beneath my skin
Traces inhaled with every breath
Rose perfume with every yawn
Peanut butter kisses with every sip
Those green eyes so piercing stared
Into my soul, so fragile in love
The feel of your hair on my arm
Curled up in bed, with a book
Leaves me dreaming
Wondering
If you were the one

The walls were blue or
Maybe, grey and
Your eyes were brown
Your hair, the same
The music so soft
An echo in my mind
The hours drifted slowly
The worst passage of time

My voice, once sure
Now hesitant and shy
My heart, once pure
Now broken and dying
In the moonlight through the window
You looked at me like a ghost
As you told me, so cruelly
I was not the man you loved the most

In the mirror I glimpsed
Scars upon my skin and
They serve as a painful reminder that
You will never love me again

Sunrise, sunset
Another birth, another death
A family, now separated
Daddy's gone, he never made it
As the light, fades to dark
The little boy, begins to walk
And wonders why his father isn't home
And cries in his room, all alone
And cries in his room, all alone

Nothing is forever
Even gravity was conquered
So chin up little soldier
I promise you will love another

Terrified of growing older
When work is an obligation
They have no sympathy
For a mental health vacation

Locked up in my room
Voices in my head shouting
Saying I should **** myself
That's the only way out  it

So forgive me if I'm reckless
While I'm still young
Because I don't give a **** if I live
Past 21

These days, not much seems to be working
Words don't flow so smoothly
The patterns are off
The rhymes predictable
The themes, all too common

When stuck in a rut
One can't do much
But ride out the waves of frustration
And hope to your God for inspiration
And hope to your God, for inspiration

Plummeting towards Earth
From such great heights
Having fallen victim
To such awful nights
Where we would sit up screaming
Voices raised, heated fights
A love, once so precious
A flame, no longer bright

Stylistically stagnant  
Repetitive lines
Heavy ****
Hollow minds

Broken hearts
Hard times
Growing up
Never fine

****** Wrists
Empty bottles
Night stand
Open Bibles

Pray hard
No answer
**** religion
God's cancer

Born alone
Die alone
Heaven calls
Coming home

The sun is rising and
I can't sleep because
A broken person is
How you left me
And, empty now
I sit alone
Longing for the days
When I called you
Home

2 years ago
A man did falter
Poison entered life
****** him at the altar
King no more
The throne was broken
Throughout it all
He had kept hoping
That maybe she would save him
But it wasn't to be
Dragging him down further
Made to eat the sacred fruit of the tree
God's child
Kicked out of Eden once more
A lifetime of sadness
Because you walked in that door

Smoke filled my lungs
As we sat on the porch
Swinging back and forth
In silence, neither of us daring
To break the silence
That hung between us like a curtain
Because if one of us spoke
Reality would come rushing back
And we would be reminded that
Life is pain
With every passing moment
Bringing us closer to our
Death
And though this seemed eternal
Our night together
Was doomed to die

Time is
Strange
It flows so
Uneven
With days-weeks-months flying by
While seconds
Minutes
Hours
Crawl past
Every heart beat a drawn out affair
Every blink of the eye lasting ages
Until suddenly you're jolted forward
And you're old
And everyone else is too
And you're left to wonder
Where all the time
Went

Ghosts of the past
Lingering for so long
Whispering hate so powerful
Making one wish they were gone

The demons are persistent
Never do they cease
The memories, so fatal
Prevent one from finding peace

Short life
Long days
***** downed
Hazy days
Lost friends
Found pain
Shots fired
Blood drained

The scars will never
Fade away completely
Every time I look down I will be
Reminded of those awful days
When I was completely
Alone
With nobody
By my side
Guiding me through
Those nights oh so
Cold

Here lies the fallen king
The token sober kid
Grew up alone in a full house
Surrounded by friends but always in doubt
That this world so dear held love for him too
The doubt grew too strong
And so, he flew

It is in our blood
This world of passion
Lust, pain, love
Mind always in action
We are born this way
It is what makes us human
So hold your head high little soldier
And keep doing what you are doing

I thought we would be the friends
That managed to survive our youth
Without the dependence on drugs, and alcohol
So often found in our peers
A tool in their desperate pursuit of happiness

I thought you would be there with me
To talk, and joke
About being the only two not at the party
Getting slammed out of our minds
Stumbling away towards nowhere

I thought you were genuine
You promised me things wouldn't change
Saying wouldn't let the temptation get to you
Staring the demon in the face and whispering "no"
Because you'd seen the evil of its ways


We both come from families
With a background in addiction
We both have seen the damage it can do
Murdering a future
Shattering a family

I believed you when you told me
You understood what it was like
Watching her become someone vicious and nasty
And you swore that never, ever
Would you be the same

But I know better now, you're a fraud
A weak willed person
Afraid to stand up for yourself
When the people come knocking
Offering you a trip

These days I sit alone when there is a party
Because nobody is left on my side
This car so lonely when its only me
The empty seat next to me serving only as a bitter reminder
That nobody is with you, on your life's ride

Alcohol is a poison
You will fade away
We have all seen good men and woman
Wasting day after day

Addiction is a curse
One you can't escape
Every night I contemplate
Rolling the dice of fate

The bottle in my left hand
The trigger in my right
Throw away my future
Or choose to die tonight

On my knees by the bed
Praying for forgiveness
One shot in the chamber
Hoping I don't have to outlive this

Six shot revolver pressed to my right temple
Hand so steady, despite the potential
Of a tragic end to a tragic life
The thing i have dreamed of for the past thousand nights

Father above please guide me home
Your kingdom is waiting I can't go it alone
Because the night is dark and full of terrors
Please give me this, one last guilty pleasure

Lord hear me and answer
Please bless this revolver
A one in six chance
For my corpse at an altar

Splitting pain throughout my head
Can't help but wish that I was dead
Foggy memories crowd my mind
Making me a long for an earlier time
Before the hits and brain so damaged
Back when I had problems I could manage
Words come out in a jumbled mess
Stumbling and stumbling as a try to confess
That though now broken I was once whole
That I can conquer this injury and become the me of old
Four times recorded when my brain did falter
Became countless Sundays praying at the altar
Father heal me from the lingering pains
Please, let me be whole again

I tried to run away
But despite my best efforts
I couldn't avoid the truth
That in life, and in love
All of my paths, lead to you

The words are inside
Struggling to come out

That's just a metaphor
For what this poem's about

So keep marching little soldier
Because those old men's time has come

Gay, straight, who gives a ****?
Find your joy, go get some

Falling off of the wagon is
The most painful thing in the world
Because of all the hurt and effort it took
To get on it in the first place
And the pride one feels
When they can honestly say
I am clean

So I would like to apologize
To God, my family, the universe
For letting you all down
Because I promised I was better
Swore I had moved on
But an addiction is forever
And I am hooked once again

Sitting on the dock smoking those stupid cigarettes
A half smile on your lips I fell in love
As the wind blows and howls
The lighter refuses to spark
So we huddled together
Hoping to nurse it to a blaze
Physically closer than we ever had been before

And as the lighter catches and you inhale deeply
I shrug and reach for one myself
Because in that moment you had stepped away
And i wanted you back in close
So I lit it, we sat together
Any doubts in my mind about my health
Erased by the rapid beating my heart felt

Arm in arm we talked the night away
Waiting for the sunrise
Two lonely souls now together
Bonded over a ritual as old as time itself
Yet still as magic as the day it was discovered
And when I looked over and asked you for another light
Our mouths were kissing; the world was right

My mind is lost at sea
I haven't seen him in a while
But I know somewhere out there
He is struggling on
Searching for me in this world of tragedy
And I hope He finds me soon

I wanted you to love me
But it wasn't fair to ask
You are beautiful, kind, lovely
And I'm a worthless wreck

Friends leave
I get that
Nothing lasts forever

But you believed her lies about me
And that really
Hurt

Scars on my wrist
Relics of a still breathing era
Reminding me of all the battles
I had the misfortune to lose
Tears on the pillow, blood on the sheets
I'm just a boy with a tragic past
Who longs for the day when I'm dead at last

God is in the rain
I heard that once and it always stuck with me
Even though, I was never quite sure what it meant
Until one rainy night
Warm, breezy, romantic
I found myself alone with you
Falling madly in love

Something about the rain is so seductive
Perfect weather to lie in bed
Bodies intertwined as a movie plays in the background
Your head on my chest
Heart beating so swiftly
A half smile on your lips
Because you hear it beat, and know what it means

A musician once told me
That God is love
And for me
On that most perfect of days
Our souls converged
Driven by the love found in the rain
Just as God is

Crowns for a king
Irons for a slave
Handcuffs for a prisoner
Coffins for a grave

Dreams are so fickle a thing
Vivid, intense in the moment
You can feel her hand in yours
Taste her kiss lingering upon your lips
Hear the beautiful sounds of her laughter
But in a moment, all gone
The shrill screams of an alarm
Shattering the tranquility of a moment
Found only in your dreams

She told me
She would rather a broken neck
Than another broken heart
I hugged her then
For there was no right answer
Just the silent acceptance of the fact
Life is pain, sometimes too great to handle

There are times where
We are sitting together
And my hand
Instinctively finds your's
Normally I do not like
Being touched at all
Never a fan of hand holding
Always quick to put distance
Between myself and another
Because the contact
Was suffocating
But with you
It is different
It feels different
And the closeness
Is not a hardship to be endured
But a joy to be celebrated
Because when I look down to find your hand in mine
I smile
And know that for once
All is okay

The sky is red
The Earth is flat
Life is eternal
I am over you

In the course of human history
Two things have been discovered
That can never be conquered
Those being death, and time
All men must die
Time can never stop moving forward
This is known for sure
Accepted by all
So what is one to do?
When they know death is inevitable
Feel frozen in time
As if they are being left behind
Lost in a world
They do not belong in
Unstable, emotionally damaged
If they are always miserable
What options do they have?
The pain will not fade
Time will not stop
Death is all that is left
So they **** themselves
Friends and family are outraged
Hurt by the loss of someone
Saying he was selfish for leaving
Bitter and angry
They do not even bother trying
To put themselves in his shoes
But if they did
They would know
That suicide?
Was the only choice
He had to take

The music was so loud that night
And it overwhelmed all of our senses
Minds unable to think
And hearts unable to feel
Anything but what the music was
Telling us to experience
Together

The pain in his voice
Calling us back to
His memories and life
Tales of heartbreak and horror
Triumph and love
We are no longer ourselves
And it is good

Escaping from our bodies
Entering another's reality
So much less painful
Than our own battles
It keeps us sane
Gives us strength
Allows us to carry on living, for another dawn

Death is immortality
What is gone can never be forgotten

I had a dream last night
It was beautiful
I woke up beside you
Bodies intertwined
Your head on my chest
All was at peace in the world
And it was good

I had a nightmare this morning
When I awoke to an empty house
It was awful
Cold and lonely, I rolled out of bed
A solitary cup of coffee
Such a depressing affair
And it was bad

Dreams can be the best
And the worst things in the world
For as I learned the hard way
There can be two types of dreams about a girl
One where she loves you, one where she won't
The former a fantasy so hard to obtain
The latter a reality, nightmare turned to life

Pardon me please
I hate to interrupt
But I could not help it
Because you are so
Beautiful
My eyes have been yours all night
And nothing would make me
Happier
Than taking your hand on the dance floor
Spinning round and round
Intimate moment in a crowded room
Eye contact made
Please
Do not break it
For in your eyes
I see the heavens
The future promised
To all who do good
And I think you are the
Key
To unlocking all of the potential
Joy found in the world
Drown me in your
Love
And all sorrows will end
Peace shall be upon us
And everything will finally be
Okay
So please
Allow me one dance
And DJ, make it a long one
Because I know once we are there
No moment could be worse
Than when the music
Stops