Dandy: Favorites

Nov 2013 Dandy

CRH

These days
I spend
a lot of time
not exactly wanting
to die
but just
to be dead, maybe,
to rest.
There's a difference,
or at least
there used to be.
I am regret.
I am self-defeat.
I think about
thinking
more than I
used to.

I guess Depression will do that to you.

My body hurts.
Aches, actually.
It's constant.
In my head,
dull static
But louder.
Thumping rhymically.
Like, really ******* loud
all the
******* time.
Things are heavy.
My arms
weigh far too much.
My lungs
are concrete.
They pump
stale air.
My spine is sawdust.
My spit is mud.
Didn't my eyes
used to be
more blue?

Depression is an ******* who will do this to you.

My words
used to be sharp
and loud.
Electric and
strange, they
tumbled out
of me,
like machine
gun fire,
a swarm
of bees.
Now I have to
pry them
loose, carefully
like teeth.

Depression is mechanical and it's systematically destroying me.

Rough draft.

It has been a difficult few weeks. I thought writing would help.
Who knew expressing thoughts on mental illness would prove to be so complicated and difficult?

Nov 2013 Dandy

xdfazfddsz

Nov 2013 Dandy

Jaymisun Kearney

xdfazfddsz

There are no thoughts as rows of lights flash
One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one,
Each light counted is killed with the next one
Being erased my mind recedes
Far and away finding death while displaced
Maybe the sixth sense
Maybe

A thing that can be said absolutely of life and death, is that the universal truth lies between departure and arrival.

Nov 2013 Dandy

Blooming

Nov 2013 Dandy

Eulalie

Blooming

I've been trying to write something of substance for quite some time now,
trying to collect fresh thoughts from newer moments of you
and rearrange them into phrases that would gift me a new remarkable piece of the puzzle that is the immeasurable complexity of your soul.
I've been trying to bottle up this obtrusive, demanding feeling of utter awe that comes when you and I climb into our honesty and wear it to bed, side-by-side.
I've been trying to backtrack slightly, wishing so desperately (though stoically!) for the return of those painfully dire professions of unadulterated romance, reminiscing in the saturation of your love letters and how the color red is breathed into me time after time to remind me how powerfully you've shifted the balance of my life.
I love you, I love you, by god, do I love you.
My fears are still the same, though, Darling, and I feel that with the redness of passion shall also come a redness of a quality that pertains to homicidal gore,
for you have, still, that scalpel in your hands,
and my heart blooms every moment of my life, not for its love of me, but for the hope that it may one day bloom for the last time cradled in your blood-soaked palms.
I've been trying to say anything else for a week but nothing will break from the gates and give me a solid night's sleep anymore.
I can't tell you how mad you've actually made me.
Though I do dare to hope that I've evoked similar sentiments in you.

I've made my peace with it, I feel.

Nov 2013 Dandy

Why do we live?

Nov 2013 Dandy

Love

Why do we live?

As a kid, at about 6 or so, my father and I would go down to the lake and skip rocks.
At first mine would only go a few skips, but my fathers would go nearly 30.
Then I practiced and practiced.
By the time I was 7, I could make it to 15 skips.
By 8 I was at 25 skips.
By 9 mine could go farther than my fathers.
It was that day when my rock went 30 skips that I gazed wide eyed at the world.
I sat on the bank and stared at the lake.
I looked up at my father and asked a very dramatic question for a 9 year old.
"What is the meaning to life? Why do we live?"
Puzzled my dad asked "What do you mean?"
I responded with " I just spent 3 years trying to beat you, at skipping a rock across water of all things. So why?"
Still to this day 7 years later I don't have an answer to that question.

Nov 2013 Dandy

Bottom Of The Bay

Nov 2013 Dandy

g clair

Bottom Of The Bay

Staring into hazy eyes
I slowly start to realize
that you are several leagues away,
and now I understand~
Tried to solve the mystery
went looking for some history
I'd dive back down if just to see
and stir the sleeping sand.

We drown out all the pain we feel
far-away things seem not as real
but there's a ton of brokenness
on the bottom of the bay
weighted well to keep it down
in hopes that time would surely drown
the misery which hangs around
to cloud the dreary day.

I didn't know just what you felt
the searing fire, the burning welt
the scars of life, of loss and such
which numbed your spirit, hurt so much
and wounds so deep, they should have bled
attended to, would heal~ instead
they linger painlessly, you've said
in places way too deep to touch.

I feel the tug upon my fin
and draw a breath of water in
and surface here to find I've been
caught up in love's illusion.
you nearly dried me in the sun
and here I'm thinking 'so much fun'
but like all fish, I've come undone
awakened, our delusion.

I'll never truly understand
for I'm a fish and you're a man
I swim in garbage, not my plan
it's only your pollution.
there is no way a fish will drown
I'll let the current take me down
just one more gem in Neptune's crown
and that is my solution.

I make my bed there in the deep
and on my watch, I rarely sleep
the nets they drag for memories,
I keep them all from catching~
the one's you've drowned there in a heep
the painful one's I'd rather keep
and as I swim this sea of bleep
none will be for snatching.

Nov 2013 Dandy

stop the invasion

Nov 2013 Dandy

kaity dawn

stop the invasion

i just wanted to close my eyes
and sleep for an hour
or maybe fifteen.
but when i closed my eyes
all i could see was you.

us.
when we were happy
and together.
everything made sense.

and now that you are gone,
suddenly everything reminds me of you.
the wind always seems to carry your scent.
and the strangers i pass seem to share the same music taste.
i look at my hands as i write and as i type
and you are there
because you left imprints
from when you held them, once so passionately.

im hoping that eventually
ill be able to stop the invasion...
because all i want to do is
sleep
eat
walk
live
without there being a trace of you
and the pain you are leaving me.

Nov 2013 Dandy

Lucys Home

Nov 2013 Dandy

Gabriel Diamante Gonzalez

Lucys Home

Im a stranger to my oldest friends. they don't say that but I see it in them when they pretend to comprehend my failed attempt to act myself again. Social events are NOT my best. i go around and tell myself this isn't the end, You still have a grasp on what you use to represent.. but i can't think clear and even though i laugh my hearts always depressed. Not to mention every situations like ten times intense.. "ok you got THIS act normal " I sit there thinking about formal conversation i can start up. so i blurt out. Its irelevant and awkward.. i quite down. in my head Trying to figure out how i lost my interlectual side.. I'm weird, I'm broken, ive lost my mind. My own thoughts constantly poking my eyes ,, pushed to the side by visual lights and un natural highs. What have i done, All this beauty lost to a hit on the tounge. Acid casualty number what? I can't be the only one, i cry i cry why can't i see the sun?
R.i.p Syd Barret

This year has been a tough one. I know syd would understand.