Why am I scared?

The last time I ate with a friend they said goodbye.
Maybe I'm scared of losing you.
Maybe I'm scared of being alone again.
Maybe I'm scared I'm being clingy.
Maybe I'm scared you're mad at me.
Maybe I'm scared I'm taking away time from being with work friends.
Maybe I'm scared of hurting you.
Maybe I'm scared of eating too fast or too slow.
Maybe I'm scared of having nothing to talk about.
Maybe I'm scared of being early.
Maybe I'm scared of being late.
Maybe I'm scared of hugging you too long or too hard.
Maybe I'm scared of talking to loud.
Maybe I'm scared of my leg acting up.
And maybe I'm scared of falling in love again.

It's 5:47AM.
Eyes heavy.
Hands weak.
Mouth dry.

I dreamt of us again.
The meadows.
The skies.

The softness of your skin.
The sound of your voice.
That taste of your lips.

"To be loved is to be free.
Maybe someday it'll be me."

"Tick-tock," says the clock.
"Haha, yea...," I reply.
Maybe I'm a bad friend,
But I'm jealous of the clock.

Sure, I love hanging around with the clock,
But wouldn't it be great to be him?
You might say I'm ticking with envy.
(Whatever that means)

Beautifully crafted,
Always moving forward,
Always being looked up to.
Even when someone tells you you're slow or wrong,
You keep moving forward regardless.

Man wants to reverse you,
And constantly fights against you,
But I know you're just misunderstood.
"Don't shoot the messenger," as they say.

Stay strong clock.
We'd be lost without you.

Remembering is not easy.
There are memories we choose to forget,
And memories that choose to forget us.

I was looking through old photos today.
Faces clear,
Names cloudy.

The bully.
The girl I had a crush on.
The rich kid.
Names long forgotten.

I found an old playbook today.
"Memphis."
I wonder what that was about.
I wonder who I was with.
I wonder if I liked it.

Pictures of a sunrise from summer.
I wonder how it felt on my skin.
I wonder if I smiled.
I wonder what time it was.

But the girl I passed who was crying three years ago,
The blood running down my arm,
The people I loved who did not love me,
Haunting memories.

For the people we forget move on,
And the people we remember remain frozen.
Pulling us back from the present,
Until we finally forget ourselves.

Glistening in the sun.
Bark so delicate.
Silky smooth and cold to the touch.
I don't want to melt you too soon...

I miss you when you're not around.
But when the weather's just right,
I'm happy to see you.

And even when you melt,
I know you're still with me.
A flowing stream;
The pouring rain;
The morning fog.

Tree of Ice.
Branches long.
Roots deep.

Gift-giver.
Life-bringer.
Beauty of the North.

Tree of Ice.
While you make my skin cold,
You keep my heart warm.