They stared at each other for a very long time.

Such a very long time

He, collecting his thoughts
She, biting her lip

Time slowed like molasses, like settling dust

"Funny, isn't it?" He said

She looked up

"Isn't it amazing how hundreds of thousands of innocent decisions we make from the time we're born mold and shape the people we eventually become?  How one single fluttering thought becomes an unsteady action, which then becomes a rock steady habit?  That habit, repeated over and over again throughout our life until it's merely second nature.  Something that seems so simple to change, so inanely effortless...yet it is not so.  It's become so ingrained in your psyche that your body rejects your attempts to take control and break the mold.  You've become a slave, unable to waiver from the ditch you've dug yourself into.  I'm sorry I can't be the man you wanted me to be.  I'm so very sorry".

She stood there, silently regarding him for a moment.  Her long auburn hair fell across her face as she took a deep breath.

"That's wonderful, dear, but I still don't understand why you can't just learn to put the toilet seat down when you've finished"

My demons
From the shadows
Are a limitless power
That overtowers
Sanity in its weakest form
That I used to welcome
Until I left them

So listen here
Sinister and Fear
You don't own me
You can't ruin me

I won't let you take me back
I won't let you increase the lack
Of love that I am able to give
This is my life, that I will still live

So ******* and your prescriptions
Plus your clinics that once held me
I can make it through
This month or two
Before insanity
Overtakes me

I cannot  ignore you
I know you are there
Waiting in the shadows
Preparing your dark lair
You can torture my thoughts
And try and scrape through my skin
But you won't take the will I have left
This time I will win

I wanted to love every space
and every missing piece -
I wanted to see.

From the moment your
warm hands held mine
I felt safe, and I knew
this would be more.

I needed to know every
wonderful secret
every dark thought,
I wanted to know you.

To stick my fingers in
the little gaps of your
soul, I wanted to feel
everything you felt.

I wanted you to feel whole.

I desire to know every
dark nightmare,
the smell of blood
still thick in your mind.

Every dream and
every regret
I wanted to feel it all.

But-
I hesitate.

I need you to know
the love I've felt
and hidden,
for your sake.

I wanted to gently mend
every flaw you saw
in yourself, I wanted
to make life beautiful.

To let you in?
I wanted to try. I wanted to feel.

I wanted to be there to share
when the demons come breathing
down your neck and every sick
thought stalks your head.

I wanted you there when the
tears wouldn't stop
or couldn't start and
I wanted to catch all of yours.

But you feel I've done wrong.
Pain that ripped through my core
and begged me to scream out
every truth I've concealed-
terrified because my love is so deep
yet I never bothered to reveal.

I wanted to tell you
but the words are so heavy and
emotions so real.
Someday I'll tell you.

War in my mind as real
as the war you have seen.
Silence leaves me wondering
if you would fight for me.

I would fight.
I will fight.
I will fight for your love
until I can't fight any more.

I fell in love with you
that was my first mistake.

Empathy that shook my core
I wanted to feel all you felt.
I wanted you to feel what I felt.
(Because I knew you felt it, too.)

I wanted to give myself
until there was nothing left.
I wanted you to love me.