Escalated laughter
Rising from where?
A constant question,
Never appreciated
And never understood
What is going on,
How did she reach this peak
I'm sure they wonder
Why so happy
In circumstances quite bleak

But my highs are quiet
They scream out into
My excruciating smile
And my draining eyes
Will speak the constraint of force
I am being pushed by

All I know
Is when the lightheaded ease
Of the unsuspecting euphoria returns
It will be followed with
The death of a thousand mothers
And the stabs of twenty more wounds

Your eyes always spoke the words
Right from my fingertips
Taking them out of my hand
And into your control
I was always willing
At any command
So you did
What any of us would do
And beheaded me
Cut me in two
See,
I was too plain
So you remade
What you could
Pushing me into a new mold
Draining my light,
How was I to see
You feed yourself
Taking parts of me
As I was starving
Running in circles
To satisfy your ideas
And be the art you dreamed
Except
I became the ticking bomb
You lit the fuse to
So reduced I am
To the dried out ash
Of your remains
Still begging for your flames
So
I would whimper the months
Leading to the day
Where you didn't hold the beat
Definite in my heart,
But I tell myself
It never would of worked
You wanted more
Than I could ever be
And
You left me
As i sewed my thoughts back together
I could never find one
You didn’t set
I only know the parts of me
That have you folded in
I only know a future
That has your frame
Someday
I will smash it into
The million pieces you left
Right behind you

Those paranoid eyes
A set of two
Paired with one
Trying to read each others pupils
And catch those lies
The ones set in our secret room
Hidden from our mind
So we fill the rest of our empty head
In delusion, we sigh
So let's dance around
Not saying what we see
Only let's count to three
And say what we really mean

What a contradiction
To not know yourself
And figure someone else
To know whose beneath
Lying under that flesh
You won't be aware
If it's a saint
Or a sin
You pretend to care
To see where it all began
If there story is fiction,
A sad tall tale painted on
Or if it's mural
In it's eclipsed
But you'll never know
Because it's all in the hips
Lying between those thighs
A world of wonders
To far away from your tips
So you figure

But you won't begin comprehend
A mask over a mask
Lying to your face
Those pupils will never tell
Neither will those curves
Stop, don't ruin the secrets
Beauty never yells

Oh what a lonely night
I have succumbed to
Was it my choice?
By what I said
Or was it because of
the blanks in between those words
And those nights
Never the right phrase
Never the right praise
What do you want from a dying girl
Who exist in her head
Do you wish she come out,
Dedicate her soul to you?
Or is her blinding truth
Of how you don’t matter
Shattering your ego
And making you crumble
Dont you realize?
Her self doubt
and how she too, struggles with not meaning
I merely a speck in the eye of this city
Where I dream of being a statue
With my lines written across the chest
Is being mute
What will it take
To finally make a friend
In this garbage of surroundings
Should I put on a fake
Will you read it then?
Or will I still be **** in the end
I'll share the death bed
And we will fall asleep in our shattering dreams
Of living on in someones heart
For longer than a beat
But to you that is a no,
Because I am not good enough
To waste your days away
And in the honesty of my heart
I see the way you sway
And you too, are different than my wants
Its not meant to be
I keep telling myself anyway

They sing a lullaby
Of living a life with no ringing
Your head clear as the sky
And your eyes, light as can be

Only they leave out the tears
And skip the chorus we know so well
The one with too much swearing
As they sing the sun so swell

Where are those words
The ones that detail our true self
The raw and naked, stabbed with a sword
How the moon sways down,
Kisses us awake
Leaving us wanting more

Or are we ignoring our wounds
Making up for lost time
We repair our sight
As if silence destroys all trouble
And this is the end of our fight

Or can we sing the open tune of our pain
And skip this terrible lullaby
Covering up my shame
I am tired of these lies

Or am I the only one,
Silently suffering
Screaming out sonnets
As I sit down and cry

They convince us
Make us craze the rare, 
The unorthodox, the plagues that once existed 
Without a trace they have escaped without care
Now they are back 
Hiding out with knives 
Waiting to cut you open 
Like so, they plant within me 
And I do the slaying 
Only what a delusion
It is solely me 
And my rotting perception 
Denying my evil 
Trying to explain these terrible things
That have latched onto my mind 
That have clouded my sanity 
Of what is right and what is wrong
I beg not to be crazy 
I beg not to be cruel 
I beg to see a reality 
That exist within the light 
To not crave, 
To not anger, 
To not lust,
To let me live a normal life
Only we are fed the lie 
That if it is not intense, not crazy 
It is meaningless
We are boring, we will fade away 
Into meaning nothing 
And existing as dust 
We will die, forgotten 
As few select others will rise 
Into being everything 
Living on forever 
As we go back to the black
To never exist
Killing even our cries 
Even our laughters 
This is why I beg to slaughter 
And to fight for my right 
To stay alive within these minds
Or so I fraud
Of not being scared
I am terrified and lonely
With no real companion
Alive in no head
Telling myself tis why
But I will never know
It is all a desloated try
To understand this empty heart of mine

You drank to escape and to ease
Instead your desires clouded your soul
The whimper shouts from the inside to stay still
To sleep alone another night
To stay good and do what's right
Is ignored as your demon is above my shoulder
And your whisper is in my ear
As you wait til silence marks my lips
That is when you make your slay and cause me to slip
Surrounded by darkness, defenselessness
You suffocate my pleads of no
As you trick yourself into illusions of my conscious consent
And you shame me down,
My mind absent as you expose my lifeless, bare body
And my blank stare
Did you see my eyes?
They were speaking to you,
Asking why,
If you saw that girl that used to hang around and laugh
Or did you see a piece of meat, incomprehensible of what you were capable of doing
So vulnerable, she'll never tell
Oh sly you, thinking it was okay
To let everyone see, leaving invitations for the unwanted
And me to break upon their touches
My flesh bruised with fingertips
My mind ****** with their urges
Blacked out from shame and guilt
Only Its my fault, I deserved this filth?
You took away the last of my innocence
Left me unwanted and broken,
Not knowing love but only to be used
I didn't chose this, you abused and created this

Left behind once thought friends
They turn into monsters I fear
We all so broken,
From the fairy tales of love we mourn
So we seek love in the bottom of the bottle
To feed the power of denial
As we justify our actions fueled by the beast
To hurt and destroy others
so we can share the pain and ruin of loneliness together
An illusion of unity as we slowly slaughter one another
To black out the last of our guilt
Only we turn into the thoughts of our filth