Looking for the future
Instead we are here
Destroying the one thing we hold dear
Trying to escape the inevitable,
Of what?
Ceasing to exist
As you rot in oblivion
Or being pulled down
Into the fire of heat
Filled by our desires.
But don't give in
Don't let it capture you,
Don't build into the knots
Held down by our fear,
This unknown will never be clear
So we must stay loose along
With the ropes of our roots
For we are far better
Than the controlling devil inside
That hides in the crack
Of a moment of time
Too far away
To be in our mind

Writing eludes me
As I search for the words
To fall upon this paper
But instead I am confronted
With past repeating beats of my pen
Singing along with the melody of sorrow

Extinguishing my pain
Into the forever of my notebook
Trying to ****  the details of my lovers
Only they stay lit,
Burning among my past
With the pages of my future
As my torch is to my felt-tip
As my oxygen is to my lust
Lighting up those well too known letters

Living in elapsed desires
They cannot elope my words
They surround my every thought
They cloud my every walk
For it is my murders
That drive this ink
Right through my chest
Making me mad
For the affliction I crave
And the people that
I'll take with me
Stored in these scratches
To that lonely grave

Mental health is not a choice
It becomes a defect
It's visible
Yet everyone remains
Convinced of this new fashion statement
Was my elect
And unstableness
Is my preference
Except here I am
Screaming on the inside
For normal functions
And a stable mindset

I am at constant endurance
For the hurricanes roaring in my head
Crashing into my thoughts
Telling me what is rotting  
Destroying my homes,
Drowning my sanity
Even as I rebuild
I find myself
Falling into the gust of
Cycles that ruin me
Leaving me in defeat
In my decomposing, suffocated brain

Handling paranoia speaking into your ear
Constant talking
You never see
But only feel
Above your shoulder

Then the depression of suicide
Filled with emptiness and questioning
With nothing being real
And you left being numb

Only what follows that
Is the high of a life
Putting you ontop of it
Dangling your feet
But threats of dropping
Start pumping in your blood

Shaking,
Scared of it all
And uncontrollable worries
Make your sorry
You even went high
Gloom in the chase,
Death makes you quiet
Shelter and safe
You escape

Until you are bored and furious
Lashing out with whips
Against your loves
Screaming mindlessly
Wrecking your things
And hurting endlessly

Understand how
Your constant neglect
For the ill minded
And ignorance for the defected
Telling us to **** it up
And how it's our select
Is slowly slaughtering our self worth
In reality
You are the murderer  
Telling us
We are the romantically damaged
Except you omit
the hideous pumping chemicals
They feed us
To satisfy
Your false perception
Of who is sane
And who is to blame
Making us even more crazed

Day in my life
You wouldn't last a second
Try to understand
This cycle never ceases
But will only increase
With your toxins
And my decay

There is no cure
And I am left
Being adhered to this madness
And curving my life
With complicated composure
Of trying to survive
Vicious thoughts
And even more
Blood thirsty people

The peaceful sea
Will always be intrigued
By the chaotic and misunderstood currents
That dream of being free  
But stuck inside a constant drift
Of always trying to flee
Being tied down
By the ever curious and loving
Who just wishes to be with thee
To kiss through storms
And then put asleep

But the currents haven't seen
How they are carried
And without the sea
They could never be
Both together
But both so lonely
As they both lust
For things they cannot see
They are without
This understanding of their eternity
So they curiously live filled with desire
Of the illusions of a life
Far better
If they had not each other

Intolerably cruel I am
As I rip out your heart
And spit on your head
But you still beg for me
Asking me to spare
What once was ours
Except all I see
Is the pity I once felt
And the emotionless daze
I have came across
Spending time in your presence,
Numb
I look for an escape
Only to waste days
And feel what I once sought
I kiss you
And feel you craze
I am bitter
And vicious
Out for blood
But in reality
I am just confused
And a lonely soul
Wandering back the same turf
We once laid out
But
Savior I am not
Only just the devils advocate
Dancing in his flames
Trapped in anger
As revenge fills my veins
From your venomous bite
And your consistent negligence
To **** it dry

Demon of worrying
Swallows me whole
And as I scream
This anguish paralyzes
Frozen, I beg to be free
But the ultimate hunter
Is wanting to dance
So I play the same game,
Tangled in its veins
I rip them out from inside
I scratch open the flesh
And drain the blood
Breaking bones
And shattering the skin
Nothing left except the dead
But instead I stop
Because at the end of the battle
I will be nothing  
For the demons
Are inside all of us
And as I claw out
I realize it's my own open wounds
I am searching for
And that I long to create
This dark chaos
That swallows me

Drowning in your waters,
Your waves crash inside me
My rhythm deranged
Having me disoriented in desires,
So I long to taste your salt
Begging for more
You pull me under your surface
Holding your grasp
Starving me out internally
Filling my lungs only with you
Until I am completely blue
Making this beautiful disturbance
As you mutilate what's left of me
But on the inside we know
The delicacy that this chaos takes
And the control I gave up
As soon as I saw shimmer
Above your waters,
I dove completely in
Head first, I felt you all around
Filling my skin,
Casting a spell over me
I was utterly yours
As I was washed away