Too close to sixteenth and my thought wandered.
Through my mind and down my cheeks in the form of salt water.
So I wrap my lips around, and **** the smoke into my lungs.
Breathe it out and watch it rise, beautiful and smooth.
Caught up in your trip wires, catching my ankles, I fall at your feet.
As I'm dazed and dizzy, you brand my broken heart with the harsh
letters of your name, deep like broken promises, hot like passionate
hate.

You're all
cutting large holes is everything I do.
Talking to you; is like...
being thrown in a room with everything that scares you
being tossed into water with your limbs tied
I can't believe what happened.
I'm trying so hard to let you go;
to let the scars fade.
It's not even scarred over yet,
these open wounds still bleed while I sleep.
You seem utterly the same;
I realized something today.
The little boy I fell in love with;
full of emotions and thoughts,
laughter and a heartbeat...
He's gone.

So now,
I'll slice holes in my chest.
Cry to myself.
Say goodbye to my hopeless dream.

You're lifting me up to the stars.
we're sitting cross-lagged on the moon.
Drinking coffee in the clouds.
Your eyes are as deep as ever;
I'm tripping over your laughter;
Ringing inside me;
Falling into your eyes.

I'm trailing off mid-sentence,
"cause you're smiling and I can't get past it.
Never thought I'd stop being broken;
Like a bone taken under a train.

Something about the way you talk.
                       The way you don't talk.
Makes me stop.
Just to mess up your hair.
And stop the world for a second.
Skip over the reality.

Just for a minute.

The jeans I never threw out.
Even though you told me to.
They meant too much.

No matter how much I say I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I'll never hate you, and it hurts to know
you don't need me, don't even want me.
You don't love me.

My insides are like broken glass.
I'm shoving the whole world away,
for fear there's no such thing as happiness.
Sporting the most fake smile I can bear to.

I'm afraid to take a chance.
You made my earth quake.

I don't know if I could do this again.
I don't know if I could live through someone using me so calmly.
So sweetly destroying me.

Every time I see your face; I cry.
So pathetically I fall.
I can't even write your name.
It's like you just...

You were a perfect dream,
Corrupted in the middle, blossoming,
Into the most painful nightmare.

It's hard to work through all this doubt.
All this pain.
It's hard not to run to you.
It's hard but but not impossible.

I know you don't care...
About me.

About your stupid ex-girlfriend.
Hahaha;
She was so stupid.
She was so easy.

I'll stay away;
I can't look at you.
Anymore.

I didn't learn anything from you.
Just to be afraid and not to trust.

I want so badly to tell my Bunnie how dreadfully afraid I am;
but I don't think I want him seeing that part of me.

Today we laughed at coughing people.
Today we shined lasers at people and confused small children.
Today we drew cartoons.
Today we got stalked by your Brother and his best friend.
Today we walked home.
Today you hugged me and you didn't let go.

Today was a good day.

I hate it when all I want to do is die;
And all I get is sleep.
And not even that lasts.
I think about all the people who have ever
looked at me like
a disease
or called me stupid,
And get caught up in hopeless anger.
Constantly preoccupied with the missing loss
of that boy I love.
Finally questioning my own two consoling words
"It's ok."

No one sees me backing away.
No one sees me chipping away at myself.
No one notices the girl smoking in the trees.
My pathetic begging for you; for someone to cling to.
begging for help.
No one notices how bad it is.
How bad it's getting...
Disconnected.
I'm unknowingly destroying myself.
Because no one sees through me.
An amazing actress.
What do you see when you look into my eyes?
Fighting for my life.