What do you think while I'm alone and missing your words?
Can you feel these questions come to my mind?
Do you hear me wondering if you've left me behind,
like so much else? Do the sounds of my relentless crying at night
register in your mind? How badly I need you...
The real you; the one who cares.
Do you know?
Or will I simply continue to wonder alone and unanswered?

This time of night again.
Not really late; not really early.
there's no one around me, just music from soulless speaker.
I wish someone was here to hold my hand; let me cry.
I feel scattered and alone tonight.
I look in the mirror, see myself reflected. Eyelashes wet.
From tears no one heard, from sobs no one heard.
I wonder why I'm going downhill again.
All the words you said; stuck here in my head.
This feeling makes me wish i was dead.
I'll write for for you and if no one likes it;
I'll write for myself.

Anger inside me strong enough to make me scream
and tear apart my world. The screams welling up inside me
are barely under wraps. What was my mistake?
Why is this torturing me so?
It's not that I wouldn't.
It's not that I don't want to.
It's that I CAN'T.

"Yeah, THAT, keep it there."
"Do you wash your hair with ****?"

-Henry Mullins.

It's amazing how long I spend staring out this window.
looking past the water; past Everett.
Thinking about driving through and past the mountains;
And taking him with me.
Thinking about everything I told him last night, yesterday.
Thinking about sleeping inside the jacket that is neither his nor mine.
I washed it, but it probably reeks of; flowers, cherries, peppermint
and dreams.
I wish I could sit on this windowsill and stare for hours.

**Written about the extremely large windows of the A-building
at the ever classy ghetto-fabulous Everett High School. Third floor.

You took my heart;
Tricked me into believing the body of lies that you are,
And ripped it into pieces, slowly, tearing me apart
Until I was just short of nothing.
You watched me finally fall to my knees and
beg and cry and scream. Stop this pain!
You stood there and smiled; said "I love you."
And what was left of me died. You killed me.
I realized, I could hurt you just as bad. Worse.
I waited for you to fall for the fake me.
It worked.
And
I
Tore
You
Apart.
You attempt guilt trips.
You tried so hard ti make this hurt me.
You tried to break me right back.

You can't break what you've already destroyed.
What isn't there.

Curl up
Breath
Fight the sobs
Thank God
Sleep

This nightly ritual that destroys and keeps.