1.) When your mother tells you she wants to **** herself, you will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too".

2.) You will sit in shocked silence like the ocean as it waits for the storm to pass. The storm will not pass. It will always be there. It will uproot the foundations of your home. It will drown you in the crying of the skies.

3.) Her hands will shake like a series of earthquakes have been running through her veins. You will try not to resent her. You will fail.

4.) Her lower lip will tremble like a leaf swaying in the darkness. You will try not to resent her. You will fail.

5.) She will say "I want to be engulfed by the sea. I want to not be able to breathe". You will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"

6.)  Her eyes become headlights and you become the deer. You will want to run away. Don't run away.

7.) There will be days where you will miss the sound of nothing her arms can bring. There will be days where you will have to inject concrete into your own. There will be days where you will have to carry the weight of her broken spine and you will wonder how something so seemingly fragile can be so heavy. There will be days where you will have to be the strong one. But you are never the strong one.

8.) If you can't stop your tears from soaking your pillow, do not forget to flip it over. Do not let her the stains. Do not let her see your pain. Do not let her see how much this makes you want to bleed out from your eyes.

9.) She will say "I want to hang from the highest tree. I want to not be able to breathe". You will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"

10.) These walls are a lot harder than you think and your knuckles are weaker than they look so please, don't try to punch holes into them. Take a camera and satisfy yourself with the emptiness of your own soul.

11.) Your brother will be screaming into the oblivion and you will be lying spread eagle on the floor of your bedroom. You will think of the mountain of ******* you have to face yourself. You will want to ignore him. You won't be able to. You will want to be selfish. Don't be selfish.

12.)  The TV will only show reruns and the news will keep repeating itself. No matter how much you want to smash the screen and rip the paper into shreds, don't.

13.) There are lines connecting you to this to her to life to death to flying to falling to burning to choking on every word you wanted to say.

14.) When your mother tells you she wants to **** herself, you will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too".

15.) You will regret forcing a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"

I didn't "fall" in love with you
Because the word "fall"" makes it sound like it was some sort of accident
Makes it sound like it was some random mishap
Like I was walking on the street
Like I tripped over nothing
Like I "fell" into an open manhole and scraped my knobby knees
Like I didn't see what I was getting into
Like I didn't choose this
Like I didn't choose you
Because I jumped into love with you
I had my eyes opened wide and even then
There was nothing else in my field of vision but you
I had my arms opened so wide so that I could hold all the parts of you
Even the parts that you choke down day by day
I had my heart opened so wide because I wanted you
To make a home out of it
Because I jumped into love with you
But sometimes I feel like I shouldn't say that
I jumped into love "with" you
Because the word "with" makes it sound like we did it together
Like you held my hand tight enough to leave imprints of your fingerprints
Like you wrapped me in your warmth and never let the cold seep through to my lips
Like you jumped with me too
Like you said "I'm in love you"
But you didn't
So maybe I'll just say that
I jumped into love because of you
Or maybe
I jumped into a crushing abyss of pain and despair because of you
Whichever of those two
They're basically the same anyway

My heart was crawling up my throat and out of my mouth
And I never thought to swallow it down
So I let it spill out in the form of "I'm falling in love with you"
Except that I didn't
Because my words crumbled to dust before they even escaped the cavern of my lips
He put his hand over my mouth
Before I can even let the word love trip off my tongue

And he told me to stop
I swear even the earth stood still on its axis
And he told me to stop
He said he couldn't handle it
And he told me to stop
I wanted to laugh and then wanted to cry
Because there I was shaking
With blood in my mouth
Bruises around my neck and wounds in my chest
And I could see why he'd say he couldn't handle it
But ******* I wanted him to try

I was holding my heart in my palms as a series of earthquakes hit my hands
And it would have hurt a lot less
If he said he did not want it
Or that he couldn't give a rat's *** about the pathetic mess that has become me
But he said he couldn't handle it
And I know, I know that
Love is a pretty heavy concept
But he has shouldered boulders and tsunami tides and entire planets in the past

He told me he couldn't handle it
And I tell myself that love is a pretty heavy concept
But a voice at the back of my mind says
"If he wanted to, if he really wanted you, he would try. He could handle it."

Flowers wilt
Knuckles bleed
Friends leave
And the sun never shines
As bright as we make it out
To be

Buildings burn
Pavements crack
Cathedrals are abandoned
And we all lose
Something
That we can never get back

Vases break
Toys break
Cars break
Hearts break
And people
People break

We are taught that
The universe tends
to disorder

We are taught
To face
The inevitability
Of our collapse

We are taught that
In the end
Nothing remains
Sacred
Or holy

We are taught that
In the end
Nothing remains
Unbroken
Or whole

We are taught that
In the end
Nothing
Remains

I will gather all the flowers in the world
And lay them before your feet
I will unhook every shining ball of fire
Just for you to keep
I will willingly choke on honeyed juices
Til all my words sound sweet
I will drink up all the salty ocean water
So that there is none left for you to weep
I will use my mouth like an instrument
To teach you that love has a beat
No matter how unsteady it may be

But all that can't compensate for all this because

I will trash and thrash around your lovely heart
I will punch holes into walls when I feel like we're world's apart
I will drown myself in ***** when everything starts to feel like an attacking dart
I will smash mirrors, make my skin bleed and my veins part
Because
I
am
only
good
at
the
start

You said my poetry was dense and pretentious
And I swear I heard my heart crash to the ******* floor

3 weeks ago I would have said that
Your lips are heaven and your hands are art
But now I know that your mouth
Is a toxic weapon of mass destruction
And your slender fingers
Are shotguns that you never meant to fire

I'm not gonna lie
I miss you the way leaves miss the branches they have fallen from
I miss you the way the wind misses dandelion seeds to scatter
And I miss you the way abandoned roads miss the sound of footsteps

But I cannot tell you how glad I am
To have lost you