10/9/07

3:31 AM


Shifting from motion
conditioned to click

to the gut grinding game of the gears.

Hitting the potion
to make us more sick

our potential for facing
to circling and pacing

shows us
how wound up we are
in our fears.

9/4/07

4:18 AM


**** trying to think clearly.
all i can focus on
or even try to vizualize
is of you.
i had no idea
what meeting up with
the likes of you
would do.
with your linguistical spouts
and adorable rants
that eagerly coax unfamiliar sweat
from my palms.
and the metal in your mouth
clicking against my own
gets me higher than any slap in the face from Jezebel.
i don't want to ruin
this---
feeling.
this
aura,
that pulses from the very mention of you
by trying to explain it too much.
i want to keep it untame and rabid
surprising me like a midnight fox
bearing its teeth before curling up in my lap.
for even now
i fear,
i have begun to do just that
as i always do.
so i'll conclude
this mere doodle of you,
my newest muse,
with three pirate tokens,
a kiss on the shoulder,
and waaaay too much *****.

2/14/07

4:30 PM

you are the song stuck in my head
and the smile on my face.
you are the strings on my guitar
and the belt around my waist.
you are the sparkle in my eyes
and the reason i'm awake.
you are the pressure on my hips
and the drug i shouldn't take.
you are the whisper in my ear
and the laugh that i can't fake.
you are the chill going down my back
and the habbit i can't break.
you are the tan lines on my hands
and my now most favorite place.
you are sweeping through my heart
leaving passion in your wake.

you have become my everything
and you will never be a mistake.

1/22/07

3:33 AM



the practical reasons as to why i am still awake
have all gone away
and left me to fend for myself

so i'll hang out this window
with my dull cigarrette
a puny flicker
in comparison to your eyes
and to this overpowering night sky

and as i stand alone and whisper
to the slowly passing breeze
asking for reasons why
and why not
i'll take the time
to suppose

suppose this all works out
suppose you're everything i need

(how does it feel to know you're everything i need?)

suppose you loved me
suppose you even gave a ****

my mouth tingles
with the newly flavored spark
your taste still on my lips
the lightening jolt
right to my mouth
senses picking up where they left off
remembering your warm skin against mine
and now i'm salivating
at the chance of once again being your lover

as i realize



i just lit up another.

1/5-8/07

4:40 AM



i couldn't sleep if i tried
my pillow still smells like You
there are no more tears left to cry
i can't stop thinking about You
so i'll bury my head
hold my breath
then chicken out too far from death
do You remember--
-our kisses in the rain?
-our keeping ourselves high?
-Your keeping myself sane?
so now i'm thrown
back into routine
pacing my life without Your rhythm
makes me want to scream

You. are. my. air.

without You i can't breathe.

i won't breathe.
i won't sleep.
but i also won't leave.

i hope that hope i hope You have lingers

(do you have to let it linger?)

i have to have it...



i've written books about You.

about the way my head spins when i catch barely a glance of Yours.
about how Your company just...fit. it felt so right.
everything about You always did.
about how nervous i get when i pull up in Your driveway, i always try to look so cool...
about how my stomach went crazy and i threw up when You ended us...

about how i've always felt so unworthy of You.
in my mind, You've always been this...being
incapeable of fault.
You could do no wrong in my eyes.

and You still can't.



my friends would call me
ask me how my day went
i'd tell them all
'i woke up next to Her, so its the best day of my life'

i've have this process
i'm gonna try and help You understand.
in the past year of my life
i've been battling.
life is one big lesson.
my Adrian's have been fighting each other.

sometimes the dark side took over.

those days were long.


I won myself.



but i lost you...



so now i'm using the experience.

i figure, if it happened, then it happened for a reason.
so what am i to learn from this?

well i've learned that the old saying is true,

you don't know what you have, untill its gone.


and now you're gone, and i'm dead without you.



so i'll pound my head into the wall

try to backtrack my thoughts

try to see

where

i

went

wrong.



but, you see, i can't imagine anything.

without. seeing. your. face.

withough seeing your eyes
your shoulders
your legs
your hipbones
your hands
your lips . . . .




*******.



I lied to You.

and i'll never stop hating myself for it.



i couldn't sleep if i tried
my pillow still smells like You
there are no more tears left to cry
i can't stop thinking about You



and i can't stop loving you.

12/16/06

1:25 AM




I'm still in your bed
out of breath
with beads of sweat
you put on my forehead

your face on my neck
I'm still not ready to forget
remembering those three words
that I know you said
with all my shyness shed
and the **** going straight to my head
every second spent
another braincell dead

so I'll make another bet
and not help but regret
that I never would let
you
in
and I still won't let you in
because you're my favorite sin
too early to stop
too late to begin.

10/5/06

10:35 PM


I've tried to hate you
believe me, I have

I can still smell your hair
I can still feel your hand

this is just what you wanted
i'm the product of what you lack
and this is why you avoid it
but now I want my heart back

now I'm closing my eyes
and picturing you here
still despite all the lies
its myself that I fear
now we're moving too fast
now I'm taking it back
you're a rush to the senses
my favorite heart attack

you don't have an ego
you just know you're the best

******* these handcuffs
I'm in cardiac arrest.