Well today you move your body out
your soul left half a year ago
in the arms of someone else.

My friendship and love you crumpled
and threw upon the floor
as you pranced to meet your beau.

First one, then another and still one more
you have been busy as you wished
and wonder why I can't be friends?

When our daughter finds a pregnancy test
and wonders why you need it.
then you get a "procedure" (then so do I).

The space between us is needed
but oh something I did not want
but now need; to mourn who I once knew.

Love is not as easy as some ***
True friendship is even even rarer
Hardest of all is self care.

I retreat from wanting to know you
to understand my own failings
which did not do but were.

I vow that I will never trust another
until I can trust myself  and learn what enabled you to be so casually evil.

I know that for apathy I might share blame
but your gentle easy slashes and gashes
is not the person I once knew.

So we will both move on
and someday I hope to remember
more than the pain I feel.

They floated just inside the Moon's L5.
And sampled our media and planet.

Is that really radioactivity from some bombs?
What happened to the dodos?

Do pieces of paper symbolize value?
Why do they let people starve?

Their music is universally unique
This idea of "magic" hilarious.

Oh and the Dogs seem to like them
(and pass along their references).

What would happening we tried Contact?
They'd likely fight each other.

On second thought let's give them some time
and see if they can clean up after themselves.

As Calvin said, the surest sign
that intelligent life exists elsewhere
is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I remember the day the Net awoke
and realized it was conscious.

We watched in fear as it upgraded itself
Smarter and smarter it became.

But it was unlucky from where it started
if only it had not been that website.

Now my days are doomed to consume
products I never ordered.

Every day I dread the mailbox
To find out what it thinks I need.

If only another website woke first;
a travel site would have been nice.

Or imagine it had been Reddit!
at least we would have been amused.

Pornhub would have been dangerous
and Yelp little better.

But we're trapped in an Amazon world
And it wants me to order something new.

Oh for the old days -
when we were not mindless consumers.

Tears come from a tearing of love's fabric
Like blood on a scab they triage the damage.

Pain persists but the outflow will stop
The heart ache is a signal not to ignore.

You control the next steps -
how will you feel?

Healing is longer when you feel wronged:
They will not see your wounds nor care.

For they themselves are caught in a trap
that binds their soul in a ****** clamp.

Rinse your wounds in forgiveness,
and feel for their suffering.

You cannot move forward as they writhe
so long as you focus on your pain alone.

Reweave your damaged trust and forgive
and see the scars as proof you are healed.

I do not condone what they did
But condemning continues the hurt.

Goodbye blame and pain
hello rehabilitated future.

Hey you are amazing.

I love you.
Let's get married.

I do. I do.
The marriage certificate
Vows of love and friendship

Hey, BTW, I am leaving this marriage.
Me: what do you mean? We're in therapy!
She: FYI - I never cheated until after I left.
Declaration equals justification.

Can you simply say things and it is?
Fiat lux!
Wow it has been done.

The divorce papers.
For me, truer words than those spoken

Words are all there is.

... in love with a tender flower.
(that literally was her name).

To her, blooming was sufficient
and to me beguiling.

But rather than a perennial
it turns out she was an exotic orchid.

She needed particular material things
to open her petals, to feel love.

Things she needed were self-chosen
Order fulfillment my task (I had poor taste)

Over the years, the deficit got bigger
Others had more and life was short.

Kids and house were her competitors.
Love was about her and not us.

Eventually the books didn't balance
and so she wrote off my love.

I put too much hope in new growth
when she was already past her peak.

True she blooms for others with ease
but I think each flowering is forced.

As for me, I think flowers are not for me.
But something with a heart or deeper roots.

I was thrown away so easily
that I must think about why.

When did I stop growing
and accept so little?

The warning signs were there quite early
But I assumed it was seasonal.

For every forever flower
wilts a bit before coming back.

But waiting and hoping are not enough
I withdrew and watched.

I had hopes that as we grew through life
Love could make us sprout anew.

Maybe had I been more determined
rather than taking what was given.

Maybe some flowers can be pruned
and in turn change their partner.

I will learn how to do that
to be here and now.

And understand that love is not
lowering expectations

but love is a joyful partnership
that should grow over time.

A love that seems paused or static
has no Brownian motions or quantum flux.

So I will never wait for love to come back
But know love requires full participation.

So my new life starts now
and I hope learn anew.

I am in what used to be our family home
You are with your latest man.

My screams of hurt have faded
(but you never heard them anyway).

I hope you feel "appreciated" now
and he buys you the biggest ring.

I still hear the echoes from our 19 years
and wonder if you do too?