I don't understand myself at times.
I am so scared,
so terrified of the future.
I am so wary
from the past.
I often trip over regret.
I think about you so often it makes my head spin.
I fell on to my knees today in tears
and what's more;
I think I'm falling in love with you.
Your kisses speak love
and your presence relaxes me
but being without you makes me uneasy,
and this is what terrifies me.
I'm so scared it's not real,
that you're not real,
that everything we felt that night
is not real.
I wish I could be quick
to trust those perfect lips.
I've never craved someone before,
I've never needed someone
to complete me
until you;
you with those ocean eyes,
those arms that encompass me,
those kisses that fill my lungs.
I don't know how to look at you
without losing my breath.
Kissing you makes me want to cry
from the beauty it creates,
from the love it creates.
You are ecstasy.
You are the hands I need to hold
in the dark.
You are the lips I want to feel
forever.

My tears are salty.
They sting my face.
Blur my vision.
I close my eyes and think of the ocean
It is flat
I try to see to the other side.
I cannot.it is endless.
I close my eyes and I see the sand.
Each grain blowing.
I try to see to the other side
I cannot..it is endless.
My thoughts are circling.
Like a pen on a Spirograph.
Circling.I try to stop.
It is endless.
I want them to see my smile.
And remember me.
I want them to remember my mind.
It is brilliant.
I want them to remember my laughter.
It is infectious
I want them to remember my love for them.
It is pure.
My pain is real.
Hurts so much
I want to surrender.
My eyes are closed.
But tears still blur my vision
I am not afraid.
I want them to know
I am not afraid.
I wish I could see beyond to the other side.
My arms are open.
And I am not afraid.
Please remember
I will fly forever.

a.) a crossed off to-do list
b.) crumpled toilet paper, used as a tissue
c.) white paper, rumpled but never used
d.) raisins
e.) sins
f.) a green plastic bottlecap, inscribed with the waves of a far away sea
g.) a mechanical pencil, out of lead
h.) a bobby pin, rendered useless due to short hair
i.) a small piece of string
j.) the small piece of my heart which contained affection for my father
k.) just kidding, that never existed
l.) the sleeves i cut off of a tshirt
m.) the heart i cut off of my sleeve
n.) a ****** poem about alcoholism
o.) the self loathing that weighed me down for nearly a year
p.) a list of the different gym classes available
q.) q tips, in the interest of alliteration
r.) one very old, very ***** sock

Night plum lips that spread
Smooth like butter across toasted bread
A tongue that tastes of apple pie
Cinnamon spice- an apple sigh

Almond eyes- chocolate brown
Wearing her hair like autumn’s crown
Golden reds her chestnut tower
Absorbs morning’s lighting hour

Blood that flows like dark red wine
Gnarled, twisted like a tree her spine
Her beauty  blooms in the late afternoon
& Sleeps under the harvest moon

H
   E
     L
        L
           O

I love you
Won’t you climb on down
From your niche in the sky
Wearing your golden crown

H
E
L
L
O

Is how I started
& you flew apart
A fleeting piece of art
You left with my heart


Goodbye,
                  I love you