Have you ever realized
that if you didn't wake up late yesterday
something would be different?

what if you took a different way to work last week,
something might be different right now.

Every single decision you made
made you into who you are right this second

Every move you've made
has brought you to this moment.

Ive been thinking how my life would be different
if i never switched classes
if i never sat where i sat
if i never talked to you
if i liked someone else
if i never gave you the time of day
if i never knew you

If i never did any of these things
I wouldn't be heartbroken right now
I wouldn't be alone
and i would still be giving guys a chance

but no
i made those decision
and i am here
im where i am because of this

Every single decision you make
makes you into who you are supposed to be
and where you are supposed to be

Like that thunder storm we watched at your place
Where I ran right into the rain
And beckoned for you to come dance with me
But, sadly, you refrained

You yelled and screamed for me to come back
Under your safe and dry front porch
"What if you get struck by lightning" You said
"Then You'd like up light a torch"

This was my act of defiance
My little run into the weather
I went out for you to notice me
To show you I wanted things to be better

Eventually, I  came back, dried off, got warm
We were together in your living room
Where we talked, and sat, and lived, and loved
While we listened to the thunder boom

when you touched me
even the slightest trace of your hand on my arm
something was happening deep in my core
your simple embrace illuminated my heart
i had the tingling sensation of love
i would give anything to feel your heart on mine
i crave your touch
i became addicted to the feeling you gave me
only then did i feel connected to you

i felt nothing
you looked at me with those deep blue eyes
and smiled
normally i would get butterflies
but i felt nothing
i just smiled back

i admit i felt a little happy
but you are nothing to obsess over any more
you're just an old friend
i feel closer to you when far apart
i see you as better than you really are

once i realize
that you are not who i created you to be
i will be free
free from these chains
free from drowning
just free

As much as I look around
This great wide world
I see you in every place that I go

In a boat at Maine
In a train in Boston
In a Jeep in New Mexico

But why do I search?
And think?
And search?
When I know no hope remains

It's because I had hope
Then lost hope
Then had hope, but lost
And all hope, to me, feels the same

no one understands
that i can't be myself around a stranger
it takes time for me to be comfortable
and open up

no one understands
that when i say give it time
and ill be myself
i mean what i say

no one understands
that i can't control it
i can't tell myself to not be shy
my personality is weird like that

no one understands
that when they make jokes like
"you never talk"
"you're so shy ***"
i take that personally

no one understands
that i am self conscious about that
i cant help but beat myself up when i say the wrong things
or don't say anything at all

no one understands
that i am shy for a reason
God made me this way
He gave me this unique personality

I am shy
so i don't make the wrong friends
so i don't say the wrong things
so guys mess with me
because i'm too nice
God protected me
when he formed me in my mother's womb
i am forever grateful
to have a God who loves me unconditionally
i am glad i'm shy
i wouldn't be myself if i weren't