my favorite color is the color of your skin,
like the amber with bugs in it
(except there are no bugs,
just pieces of your mind and your heart
which--thank god--i can't carve out
and put on a pendent,
just to have something touching me at night,
when my sheets are too thin to warm me
but too thick to let my lungs breathe with ease
the cold air which strikes me like a bullet to the throat,
unlike your arms around me
which hold me like a rib cage,
breathing with me in synchronized whispers)

lately i've been dreaming
of someone i don't know
pulling me closer
to all the warm places
that i do not care for
on you

sometimes you're a sickness when you're inside of me,
sometimes you're a cure

you treat people
like a scarf you take remove at springtime,
like clothes that have gone out of style,
like a burnt piece of toast,
like a piece of fruit that has gone too ripe,
like plants that will not bloom,
like an umbrella after the rain,
like your hair you finally cut,
like the makeup you take off at night,
like a date that isn't working out,
like the morning you leave someone's bed.
but yet you think
i'm important to you.

my joints started popping
and my back started aching
right around the time I started sleeping
in the fetal position,
holding my legs to my chest
to feel like nothing could hurt it.
my heart started racing
and breathing started hurting
right around the time I started thinking
of nothing but your name,
remembering the poison you left inside me
and the stain you left on my body.
my body started shrinking
and my bones started showing
right around the time when you couldn't
get enough,
destroying everything you took
while always stealing more.
but my limbs started resting
and my chest started breathing
right around the time when i filled my life
with things besides you.

i don't know why i use the word 'vulnerable'
when i could instead show you a picture of my eyes at midnight,
when the rest of the world has moved toward rest
and i have moved to unrest,
placing pillows around my body to simulate warmth
of arms i do not know.