what you don't know
is that a voice of your own
comes out through your throat.
you hear it like a siren call--
how can i escape?
is there a fire?

what you don't know
is that you're not a bomb.
you were made with no fuse,
no timer,
no intent to self destruct.
you have no fate.

what you don't know
is that your mother and father
would rather hold you
as someone they never expected
than find your familiar body,
lying there, without your voice.

what you don't know
is that the world you fear
does not fear you.
it has homes for you,
like nests,
that are not in exile.

what you don't know
is that you are far more beautiful
when you cry for help
than when you laugh in fear,
but you are most beautiful
when you blame yourself
for neither.

you're the one
who crept into my chest.
i've saved you a spot;
it waits here now, unfilled.
no one else
claims space here.
what they would find
is a home for you.

you're the one
who kissed my lips
with the intention of bleeding
your warmth into me.
no one else
would give a part of themselves
as tender, no matter
what the word 'love' meant.

you're the one
who brought me to your bed,
for the sunshine and swollen bliss
that could inspire.
no one else
knew the joy of time;
they thought space was an enemy,
and touch a savior.

you're the one
i want to see in the morning.
your sleepy face
could hold a whole day.
no one else
could make me want a tomorrow.
they ran away
from the hole in my chest
that seems to be fit
for you.

i heard there are a thousand ways
to greet your body;
twenty one keep me up at night.
i don't know if i'm happy or sad
when i think of your skin.
its warm tone is the brightest star
in my universe, and i'm stuck
orbiting around it,
surviving off its rays.

i can't want you more.

when we last kissed,
over a thousand days ago,
something was taken from us,
locked up in a safe
we both have keys to.
maybe it's grown--
maybe larger than we can hold.

i can't love you more.

i've forgotten how you taste,
and that's a sin,
and i've forgotten
your glance, too.
don't be a stranger;
we're already so strange,
wanting to lap each other up,
but holding our jaws shut tight.

i can't stand it anymore.

i'm here for you,
with you, by you, inside of you.
i'd lie here naked for you,
but it's too cold
to sleep here alone,
exposed.

every day, you burdened me
with your heavy, heavy hands.
you called it love--
then why do i feel like i'm sinking?
if you let me escape,
you'd have no way
of displacing your hate and resentment.
don't worry, babe,
i was too strong to see i was weak.
so you pushed me harder and called it passion,
choked me tighter and called it fervor,
ruined me longer and said you didn't know.
i was too weak to see that i'm strong.

when you were a child,
they told you you were special:
you picked flowers instead of playing with dolls,
you colored in the lines when everyone else finger-painted,
you were shy and it was sweet

when you were with others,
you felt un-special:
you were afraid,
you never wanted them to dislike you,
you held your tongue even when you had no words

when you were alone,
you wondered what was so special:
you didn't relate to them,
you weren't understood,
you were a misfit in a place with no norm

when you were sad,
they told you you were un-special:
you were having a hard time adjusting,
you were new in an unfamiliar place,
you would be okay

when you were afraid,
they told you you were un-special:
you didn't try to be strong,
you had a bad outlook,
you were in control

when you were with friends,
you felt so special:
you told them your name,
you laughed,
you let them see the person that has a hard time sleeping at night

when you were in love,
you felt so special:
you were embraced,
you cradled their heart,
you were loved for everything you tried to hide

when they left,
you felt so un-special:
you blamed yourself,
you thought you were worthless,
you slept away your life

when you cried in front of them,
they told you you were special:
because nothing else could explain why you cried so much

i sat with you in the dark
so i wouldn't have to see you looking
at me
for me
inside of me

because all i had
were echoes of (  ( ((you)) )  )
resonating (inside)
hiding from your look

when you left you said you loved me
maybe you do
somewhere (i(n(s(i)d)e)
your fear of yourself,
buried under avoidance
                               (love)
and behind bitten tongues
                                             (love)
and within the choking realization that you
                                                           (love)
are you

i sat with you in the dark
so you wouldn't have to see me looking
at you
near you
inside of you
where i wanted to be

because all you had
was the want to keep                      /// hidden,
holding yourself
like someone who doesn't need to be held

when you left you let me hold you
and you held me, too
(closer) than anyone had been
since you realized you
                             (love)
have you
               (love)
inside you
(love)
were i live,
too,
behind the fear

i sat with you in the dark
so you wouldn't have to see me cry
when you said you had to   l   e    a       v             e                      

because you always leave
when you find me
(inside) of you