I still can't put into words how I feel about you
so I'm going to close my eyes and say the first five things that come to mind
One
Every single time I look at you I can feel the butterflies knocking at the door, dressed up as a pizza delivery guy, only to deliver more butterflies, such a shame that I am still unable to fly
Two
When you told me that I may never see you again my hands froze and it became harder and harder to continue my drive home
You probably thought nothing of it
We both live in the moment but I wanted this one to last forever
I just hope you don't forget me
Three
I told you that it feels like I fell from heaven and landed in your arms yet it all seems to feel the same
Maybe I wasn't meant to fly
Maybe, maybe I was meant to lose my wings
falling right into the place that I was so afraid to be
see, the last time i was here, love had made a fool of me and I haven't been myself since
but love, when I'm with you I'm more of myself than I've ever been
Four
It's been a long time since self confidence was in my vocabulary
I look into the mirror now and I see myself and smile
Knowing that I'm looking at the face that brings you just as much happiness and you bring me
Please believe me when I say I don't need love nor do I rely on someone else to make me happy
It's been a long time since self confidence was in my vocabulary
I look into the mirror now and see myself smile
Knowing that I'm looking at the face of the man who takes all of your stress away just as you do to me
maybe we were made for each other
Five
I wake up thinking about your voice and how it gives me chills even in the hottest of weather conditions
Five
I haven't had a bad dream since the day I met you
Five
Sometimes I think I like you more than you like me and that scares me because my love is like kudzu and I just don't want you to suffocate
Five
you make me feel like I can fly

I pray that you don't forget me
if you ever had my love
I pray that you don't regret me
I don't miss the times I was young and they ain't accept me
Cause I was out of place like silk in a thrift
or maybe I'm mistaken
Maybe I was a rolling stone in the midst of an avalanche
You can hear the roar for miles upon miles
And when it all settles
They'll all look back at the mountain and see the dent I left
and for that dent
I pray that you forgive me
All I ever wanted was to be heard
All I ever wanted was to be seen
All I ever wanted was to be loved
See, everybody is so quick to snowboard down the slopes of my depressions
See, I thought that at my peak, I was more than just a sight to see
More than a breath of fresh air or an escape from reality
Maybe I was wrong though--
I shouldn't have to pray for this
I left a dent in you yet you destroyed my foundation
At the bottom of my heart is a mountain range of all the times I let people slide on me
You see, the difference between me and you is this-
I'm still a rolling stone in the midst of an avalanche, that means I won't ever get back to the top
meanwhile you reside in the moisture that falls and rises in every cycle
In fact, I redact everything I said previously
but I'll pray that I never end up just like you

On the way home, there are paths disguised as mountains
Arches of light to climb
Fragments of color, scattered bread crumbs, to lead the way
This is your journey home
Embrace Divine light, the pieces of your soul

Illuminated by the joyful tears of your guardian angels and ultralight beams, you are on the right path when you see me
Your journey home is not as hard as it may seem, the end isn't clear to you just as the gold's sheen comes second to your soul
the only illusion are the mountains in the distance whom are few and far apart
So with every milestone of your life, be sure to look into the skies and see which color of your next chapter shines

I met this girl who means a lot to me.
This is dedicated to her.
Love.

Please forgive me for letting you get too close
Although I did warn you
There is no outlet down this road
and there are no life vests on this boat
and there are no airbags in the car
and there is no harness or safety net for when I am falling back into my own body...
Have you ever tried to breathe underwater knowing you've run out of oxygen and the light is so far away yet you keep swimming towards it but it seems like the more you swim the further you get from it and just as you're fingertips graze surface the ocean claims your name so the voice of your lost soul forever screams in the shells that are a home to a series of hermit *****
Have you ever sunk into your own bed by what feels like the force of a thousand boulders, unable to move, unable to speak, and just when you think it's all over, the demons that haunt you come out and now you're unable to breathe, there you go hovering over your body and not being able to do a thing
Every night I pray to God that I never see you in my dreams
because for your entire life, everyday that you wake up from your dream you lose a little bit more of yourself to those demons that haunt you
Every time you close your eyelids you see the monster that's trying to be Neptune and drown you in his seas
But baby I gave you the moon as the light to see the path that leaves behind all of those hermit shells
Now your the voice of your lost soul is no longer trapped in the home of a monster
It has found its way to me
Finally you can get some decent sleep
and wake up to me
from this day forward I can't say that you're the woman of my dreams because I'll be ****** if my demons trap you too
When someone asks you how we came to be, you tell them that we met on the moon every night
To calm the ocean tide and make it out alive
and if you are to drown in your dreams again, I'll still be here on the moon for when you find my light again
Waiting to build you a new home away from all of our demons...

tonight I missed you a lot
It was around twelve am
driving past my old job
then driving past legacy park
reminded me of all those nights
we used to laugh and love
just for a couple hours
that we never wanted to end
once I'm home
I see a set of photos from Savannah
wishing I was there again
but more importantly
wishing I was with you
just like we were then

Hot water rushed through my ***** hair
With my hands wrapped around my forehead
I’m sitting down in the shower
I can’t believe this just happened
I don’t even know what happened
How did we even get here?
You should know that I get silent when you pressure me
I never said anything to hurt you
I thought I used to make you happy
I just wanted to play a few games of Rocket League, I swear
We could have done anything and went anywhere
Still I was silent
You said you’d just go home and I can hear how upset you are
Still I was silent
The shower is running now
You texted me twice and my heart dropped when I read it
I knew you were doing that to prove a point but I was so hurt
That when you ended it I felt like I should have said something else
And of course I regret it
All I had to do was get food with you after my shower
But now
Hot water rushed through my ***** hair
Down my face and into the drain
Along with all the emotions I had running through me
I was finally defeated
Maybe some of the things you said, you didn’t really mean it but
I know that all came from the heart
I thought that I had patched all the wounds I had made before but the most important gestures were never done
Life kept kicking me down and you were there to pick me up
I had always appreciated that, you were willing to sacrifice too much for me and I would have done the same for you
Even the days where I felt like I had seen enough of you
My chest pulled my closer and closer to you like your rib cage held the key to keep my heart pumping
And suddenly I no longer held the key to happiness for you
So yeah, I was defeated
The same day that I told all of my friends is that day that life kicked me down even harder
Everything was my fault and they threw that in my face
I called in to work and they said don’t come back since you were going to be late
How could all of this happen to me, did I deserve this, I thought I was great
Remember, that’s what you used to say
So when you asked me how was I doing, the only thing I could say was
“Gr8”
a few hours later I was put on a pedestal to say things I didnt want to say
but what else is one to do when there is nothing left to ruin his day
now that I think about it
everyday I’ll still wake up to see your face
because I also forgot to give you back your picture frame
cold water rushes through my ***** hair
I whisper to the skies
I know that someday I’ll see you there
Until then, my love, please take care
I wish you the best
The next time we speak
I’ll tell you that you were the best thing that’s ever happened to me


k.w.

Cheers to everything that he had lost that night
This is not a search for pity, no
This was a moment of reflection
You know what they say right?
You gone find better anyways
The moment I spilled the beans nobody gave a **** about how I handled it
Like I wasn’t a victim too
Like I ain’t have nothing else to lose
Like these was my boys but they all tellin me they side with you
How you think I reacted when it happened?
I aint smiled in days
I eat a meal in a day
I aint been drinking no water
I aint been sleeping in my bed
I forgot to give you back this stupid pillow pet
I shoulda never let you get that far when you left
And I still got that hoodie, that’s something you’ll probably never get back
I had to hold on to something since I couldn’t hold on to you
How are you mad about a toast when my glass filled with the tears I got from you
How can a man walk around with his head up knowing his girl was never happy too
You say my message was received when I haven’t even said it
I told you I was used to this
And If you really needed it
Here’s one from the longest text message
That **** wasn’t closure, but im closer to it
I watched to flowers burn and held a moment of silence
For all the words that cut too deep and made me unable to breathe
This is the answer to all the arguments when I didn’t speak
I had nothing to say other than stay with me
But I lost hope the second you first said you hated me

k.w.