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Curtis Gainey Feb 2010
I didn’t choose to be born this way
How life starts we really have no say
You know we can’t help the way we look
So don’t judge me like a cover of a book
Just because I look this way don’t defy me by it
Yeah, I maybe african-american I will not deny it
On a job application I’ll put down “black” as a race
As a dark chocolate color has covered my whole face
When I look in the mirror that’s all I’m gonna see
I’m stuck this way so I’m just gonna let that be
It don’t feel good knowing your ancestors were slaves
And how they were severly beaten when they misbehaved
I’m gonna be like this forever so I’m making the best of it
Yeah I may not find it enjoyable and I may not even love it
But this was how I was created so all I can do is deal
But you know, how I look is way different from how I feel

You won’t see me living the ghetto
Or use the word “*****” to describe my fellows
Doo-rags are okay but it’s because of my messy hair
Don’t say I’m a hoodlum even though I might not care
So what if I like jersies, that dosen’t mean I’m a ****
I’m not a typical black man, you won’t see me do drugs
Don’t need that **** to better myself
Proving myself I don’t need your help
The suburbs is the place that I wanna stay
I perfer to live like that, I don’t care what you say
I don’t want to be on the streets
‘Cause I’m not some homeless freak
You may not see me with a diamond chain
A crime-free life is what I want to maintain

Never will I sag my jeans all the way down to my knees
Unlike most folks, my boxers are not meant to be seen
I will not put shiny rims on my teeth
That’s not even close to being neat
You might see put on gangsta clothes
But not hear me go and call a girl a “**”
Or slap them on the backside making ***** calls
Won’t see me hitting up on them in the halls
Or whisper in their ear, begging them for ***
That’s really disturbing and incrediably sick
Really, how can a guy think or even be that way
Chasing after every girl they desperately crave
The city is where you usually roam
Many of you call the streets your home
Speaking in slang that I can’t actually understand
Don’t wanna be that way, that’s what’s who I am

Just because I’m part of your family dosen’t mean I wanna live like you
The streets are not my place to live so I don’t even wanna be in your shoes
I was not raised to jack people up
Don’t like how I am? too bad, tough!
I’m agaisnt gang violence and want no part in it
Never robbed and jacked someone, never done it
Coming from a black guy I know it sounds strange
But hey I’m not here to amuse, impress, or entertain
I’m just telling it like it is
It’s how I really want to live

I thank my parents for giving me a decent name
And not something obscene or anything strange
As many black names contains apostrophies
Which you know is something nobody really needs
I usually perfer proper language over ghetto slang
Knowing people talk that way is really a shame
I’m part of you but yet we speak different languages
Not all blacks speak that way, that’s the way it is
Don’t get me wrong, I really have love for all of y’all
But your behavior and actions is making me appalaud
Stealing and killing people from your own race
You think it’s funny but it’s really a big disgrace
After doing that, how can you look yourselves in the face?
Through the civil rights movement we all loved each other
Now all of you are there on the streets killing one another

For goodness sake, solve your problems through words
Not through guns, knives, or even through racial slurs
It’s really not worth all of this
All of this is making me sick
Making me ashamed to be a black man
****** in cold blood I cannot bare to stand

Okay so enough of this, so let’s move on
It’ll take me forever to describe what you did wrong
Lived a life in the suburbs so long I feel that I’ve become white
Sorry black folks but it’s really white females that I like
Been that since birth I really don’t know why
I like their eyes, their face, I really cannot lie
I’m respectful of girls of all races
Don’t take it the wrong ‘cause I like girls of all races
But I’m most likely interested in girls with white faces
I like seeing white girls go at it on MTV
Then see black chicks fight on BET
You can say hello to me and we can even be friends
But you as a lover of me I would not even recommend
A church where blacks shout out to lord is not where you’ll find me
It’s not my religion, not how I think of faith, not something I need

You may hear Biggie Smalls playing from my bedroom window
That don’t mean I’m ghetto I’m just trying to my life simple
I’ll cheer for Obama when he becomes president
But the streets will never ever be my residence
You may find me weird, you may think I’m obscene
But that’s the life I choose to live in, that’s just me
Curtis Gainey Feb 2010
They say sometimes in life you’re born with nothing
Since the beginning I’ve been determined to get something
There’s a lot of goals that I do want to accomplish
There’s so many things in the world that I missed
I may drive you crazy with the things that I want to do
I’m a man with a dream, I’m just hoping to get that soon
It’s time to forge my own path in life
I just want to make things right
Change my personality, change my ways
This is the path that I truly want to take
Don’t have a car so it’s hard to go find myself
If someone knew how much pain that I felt
Knowing that I’m not part of the world and stuff
I hate staying inside all day, I really had enough

I didn’t put this on my blog for sympathy
Even though I never got the amount that I need
I may be envious and yeah I mave greed
Respect is all I ever do want to recieve
I won’t settle for anything less, want to make it big
Enough being isolated because it’s making me tick
Mother’s intimidations is keeping me locked up
Laying on the living room couch like I’m knocked up
Waiting for the moment where I could finally lace up my boots
Where I can open the front door and tell my mom “see you soon”
Yeah I like girls and I’m hoping to get one
Don’t want to go through life with none
With the life I’m living I feel like I’m dead
Being outgoing is all that’s stuck in my head

Most kids my age are doing a lot of stuff
With my lifestyle I really just can’t adjust
Don’t feel like I’m alive, says so on my myspace
I don’t know how much pressure I can really take
Got a dude in college living the kid life
Having fun with people during the night
Another dude with a job earning money
While I’m stuck with nothing, kinda funny
I wasn’t born to do nithing with my life
Yeah I’m desperate I’m not gonna lie
I don’t want to be in my 50’s living this way
I’m sick of my dreams being put on delay
I’m sick of dreaming, I wanna live life
I’m told to be patient but time is tight
I ain’t gonna stay young forever that’s thing
So amped up about the future that I don’t think
Waiting for the rescue ladder to come to my window
I want live life normal you know, it’s just really simple

But I probably won’t get that because I’m autistic
So I’m limited to my choices that’s so sadistic
Being stuck with people on wheelchairs kinda clueless
Don’t hate those kids so don’t think of me as a big ******
And I know they can’t help it but that’s not my kind of crowd
Don’t want to be limited to those kind of people that’s how I feel now
Don’t want people to think those are the only friends I can make
I just want to be a normal people is all I ask for goodness sake
Don’t think of me as a kid who can’t control his emotions
I maybe a kid who has a hard time keeping things in focus
Because of this, mother doesn’t think I can drive
Not even letting me go ahead and give it a try
No way I’m relying on the bus to get around
Because I’m tired of always being let down
Hurts to have a lot of people have a lot of doubt
And to think that you shouldn’t even be out

What’s wrong with living simple that’s all I want
It’s all I’ve been working for all I want to saught
Willing to go through anything just to get it
My goal I have still not yet really met it
What’s wrong with being normal that’s what I desire

— The End —