Cunt Muffin

Cunt Muffin Aug 2011

Goodbye

It's bittersweet to say goodbye
But it's too painful to hang on
I don't bother wondering why
I just know that things went wrong

I loved you more than life itself
But I guess it wasn't enough
So I'll put my love back on a shelf
And try to be tough

I'll always remember the good times
And I'll always remember the bad
Maybe I'll find solace in these rhymes
Or maybe I'll just get mad

I put more into this
Than I ever got in return
And now I'm staring into the abyss
Waiting for the tables to turn

I know you love me
Perhaps more than you should
And I suppose it's plain to see
That you did what you could

But the love you've been givin'
Has been hurtin' me deep down inside
And I can't keep livin'
With these cuts in my heart open so wide

I love you
And I know you feel the same
But it'll never be enough to make it through
And we have only ourselves to blame.

Cunt Muffin Aug 2011

Not Forgotten

Pretty face

Frozen smile
Liquid eyes
Full of pain

She doesn't
Want to be here
She knows
Something's wrong

A giving heart
Shattered
By the pain
She feels

It isn't her pain
To feel
Her empathy
Is killing her

Tired face
Lost smile
Cold eyes
So empty

She feels nothing
No pain
She is jaded
No pleasure

Her heart is stone
Her mind is cruel
The years
Have taken their toll

Lost soul
Fazed
By time
Angry woman

Her soul
Is empty
Her eyes are wet

Realiztion dawns
She lost
Herself
Trying to forget

Eyes squeezed
Shut
Gun to
Head

****** mess
To be cleaned
No one cares
She is gone

A poor soul
Never remembered
Yet
Not forgotten

Cunt Muffin Aug 2011

Scars

I look at my body and see the marks of agony upon it,
Red and jagged lines that will never be erased.
I do not feel the pain anymore,
But I will always bear the scars.

The scars run deeper than my skin;
They sink into my blood,
They sear my brain,
And they bruise my soul.

My scars tell a story

That words cannot express.

They tell a tale of pain and suffering,

The kind of pain that lets you know you’re real.

The scars are what remind me
That happiness is fleeting;
They tell me that I've been let down before
And that it will happen again.

When I look down at my body
I'm not ashamed of what I see
I cherish all the memories
Those scars gave to me.

I remember the pain, the love, and the tears
That have been with me all of these lonely years.
I remember the good times and I remember the bad.
I remember that loving someone will always make me sad.

I remember that, in spite of all the pain,
There was so much joy;
The only thing that truly hurt
Was having it taken away.

Cunt Muffin Aug 2011

Mirror

I look into the mirror
And what do I see?
A lost and lonely girl
Staring back at me.

I see the pain in her eyes
And the hurt in her soul
It's obvious I can't help her
And I can't make her whole

I've spent my life wondering
If joy was ever real
I've wasted time hunting
For something to feel.

I've spent my life searching
For a friend that wasn't there
And I've finally realized
The search is more than I can bear.

Loneliness coupled with misery
It seems that this is all life has in store for me.
I've sought in vain an answer to my existence
I've been waiting so long to be set free.

My chains still bind me
And I'm held to this earth
My life has amounted to nothing.
My existence has been nothing but dearth.

Happiness has eluded me
Pain is my best friend
It seems the only thing I can do now
Is wait for the end.

Cunt Muffin Aug 2011

Meaning of Life

I’ve been lost for so long now

I’ve kind of forgotten who I am

Am I the badass; am I the lost soul?

Do I have a heart of gold?

.. ..

Been caught up in all the hype

That comes with growing older.

Haven’t really had time to see,

That I have yet to do this successfully.

.. ..

I’m alone in a world

That I don’t understand

I’m burdened by expectations

That I’m not certain I can fill.

.. ..

I wander down a path set in stone

By those who came before me.

I’m not sure I can follow in their footsteps

And become what they expect me to be.

.. ..

Meandering around an empty life

Is certainly no way to live.

There’s no planning for the future

Because what have I to give?

.. ..

I ache to have a purpose

I need to feel alive.

I need to feel

That this existence wasn’t contrived.

Cunt Muffin Aug 2011

Breaking Me Down

Loneliness is all I know.
It's pervasive
With creeping tendrils
Of despair.
It haunts my days
And disturbs my nights.
I feel the nights grow longer
And watch sleep
As it passes me by.
It slips through my fingers
Like the sands of time
Blowing away on an icy breeze.
My tears freeze before they reach the surface;
And my blood runs cold.

The emptiness engulfs my soul
It's almost enough
To make me whole.
Little silver fills the void;
She makes my blood boil,
And draws crimson emotion to the surface.
She's with me no matter what;
I see reminders of her upon my skin,
And know that I am truly alone.
I'd cry if I could,
But my tears are still frozen.
I'd stop if I could
But my pain is stronger than my will.

There's a beauty in the grotesque
That escapes so many people.
There's a terrifying freedom
In destruction.
Destruction is creation
And I've created much.
There's a horrifying beauty
In the scars upon my skin;
They remind me of what I tried to do
And what I could've been.
I've created memories
That I cannot share
You see . . .
What I've created
Is more than I can bear.

Outside looking in;
Separate,
And never whole.
My story tears my heart asunder
And sets me apart from those who love me.
I cannot let anyone in;
I cannot let anyone out.
I cling to a thread that's already been broken;
A thread that I took the scissors to a long time ago.
I'm floating away
Wishing for something stable to attach myself to.
I grasp at straws
To no avail.
I cry out
Without a sound.
My heart is breaking
And it's breaking me down.

Cunt Muffin Aug 2011

For Now

Here I sit,
Another moment passing me by.
What to do
What do to?
I'm forever running
And always being left behind

I peer in at life
Wishing I could be a part of it
Dying to know how it feels . . .
How it feels to be a part of the world
My clock is ticking away
As I put myself through my paces
Taking step after step
And going nowhere

There is nowhere to go
But down
Down into that pool of despair
That calls to me
And lets me know I'm welcome.
I feel the warmth of oblivion
As it courses through my veins
And I long for it

But I can't slip away
There's too much to do
Too much left unsaid
Too many people to leave behind
Too much . . .
Too much of everything
But not enough of what I need

What do I need?
I wish I knew
I wish I could find it in God
Find it on the street
Buy it from a store
And just make everything okay again
If it ever was okay to begin with.

My heart pounds
As I consider myself
And what I am worth
I don't amount to much
But I still am something
Perhaps that's enough to hold on to
For now . . .
For now.