How long must I wait for a reply?

I sit
and watch
and wait
while my life slowly ebbs away-
and my eyes dry out-
and my skin
boils away from radiation from my screen
and
I slowly watch the flesh of my hand
bubble away to oblivion
and I eat it.

The broken mold lies screaming with hopelessness,
its purpose lost-
the clay has discarded the form the artist wanted to emulate.

The mistake,
the fault,
the glitch,
warped from the copy to become an original-
not as desired or required,
but having a will of its own.

To realise the dream,
is to satisfy the itch.

To wake from the dredge
is the Life on the edge.

The fault of finding freedom from frigidity.

Spectacular views are seen when you wake from the dream
and the colours scream like coffee and cream

Laugh at the imagery,
the cardboard cutout words strung together like sweet christmas decorations.
Fall in the pool
like a funny bunny cartoon.

Be the sad clown for one more noisy day-
and while you're at it:
brush a giraffes teeth.

Smile at the dreary monotony
and greet the ever grey sky
like a buzzy nook not.

Of time.
Inspiration.
Patience.

Flower only last a season,
and the season of this life is clicking by.
Time devours us so slow we dont even notice
how our changing faces fry.

Were suspended between moments gone by
that should have lasted forever-
and hopes for lying vanities
that will be consumed by I.

My cliches clutch like straws
to make some sense of why,
but in the end it doesnt matter
when were all gonna die.

I met with her again last night on the upper deck.

English tea shop surrounded by culture and interesting antiques.

She visits me often in places like these
to remind me to care for my child
and to live beautifully.

My life is infected by her colours,
her imagination,
her intricacy.

poor littow parsite,
wer have you beeny?
Ive gotten my nanny
to knit you a beanie.
Your sores on my skin
are going all cleany
Im sorry I squashed you,
Im such a meanie.

She's a hand me own girl-
she started off with dreams
and hopes of love
and romance
and ended up
used
and worn by men
who didn't give a ****
about what she's worth.

She begins her night on town
hard arsed and cynical
but after a few drinks-
loneliness shows
from her mask that hangs
akwardly
off her scarred pretty face.

I approach her from my own shy bruised seat and my loneliness finds hers.

When I was a dreamer
patience was easy,
but then again
maybe patience was my blindness.

Everything must happen now!
How do I play this game right?
Man I hate these games.

Cat and mouse,
cat and mouse,
cat eats mouse
and then cat gets poisoned by mouse
and dies infected with bitterness.

I've died a thousand times over
and I still die whenever I meet a beautiful woman.

I try to be suave and lighthearted-
to pretend to be a dream,
a hope,
but my heart explodes inside me
and I stand there naked ad exposed.

I never was a good liar.

Before long I see her
kissing a better liar than I am.

I know she was not my dream to begin with
but still anger burns inside me:
I cant get what I want and i cant settle for what i don't want.

Typical spoilt brat.

I go home alone thinking-
maybe I'm the hand me down girl.

Fluffy bunnies bouncing bouncing
a little dear is pouncing pouncing...

Fresh green meadows
clear blue skies-
daisies dance
with butterflies!

a picnic blanket
with lots to eat :)
a big fat tree
to stop the heat-

wine wine wine
for us to dine,
oh my stars
im on cloud 9!

Trying to capture a moment, but the moments ever changing.

I paint in oils
-oils outlive my mortality
-oils extend my message
oils prolong my life after death.
It's a gamble because anything could wrong when I'm not there to care for it.

7am:
So I start by sitting in front of a huge blank canvas.

7:05am:
So I start by sitting with a mirror in my hand.

7:30am
The canvas is intimidating.

9am
My mind tries to capture the final product
- composition,
style,
toned down?
bright colours?
thick smears of paint?
hyper realistic?
or make it an abstraction from reality?

11am
I half-fill a jar with turpentine to clean my brushes.
I fill a small jar there with linseed oil to thin the paint.

11:05am
On my palette
-a small squish of cobalt blue
-proceed on thinning it.

11.10am
Lift brush,
dab it into the paint...
almost reach the canvas.

11:15am
I study my face to see where I'll start.

3:15pm

4 hours pass.
The sun has moved.
The shadows are softer
and the shadows longer.

Accurate painting is not about talent as much as observational skills-
thats why you can stop for years but if you have learnt the art of seeing you will be able to paint a more realistic picture than when you quit the previous time.

7pm
All my contemplation sees the sunset
without a stroke being applied.

I flick a switch and a new light appears-
harsher with darker shadows-
it doesnt allow the paints show their true colours
but at least it is consistent.
I don't like what I see in this light.

Days have passed me in front of this mountain-
when I started it was sheer will that got me here-
not because I want to
but because I know I can paint better than most a
nd some will think it's worth something-
might  make a bit of extra cash on the side.

When I was younger I pumped out canvasses faster than toilet paper
but now I dont know Wonder Boy anymore-
too much distance between now and then.

Out of sheer impatience I decide to put a wash over it. I mix a bright orange mixture. and start brushing the canvas-
the brush is too slow so I start pouring it out of it's linseed mixture bowl straight onto the canvass and rub it with a cloth until no more white can be seen.

I hate the result-
my compulsion led me to trade a white blank canvas
for an orange one-
I'm nowhere closer to coming up with an idea than when I started and now I have to wait two days for the paint to dry. By that time I would have aged two days and my resolve might not be what it is right now- the little I have left.

So the final result of my painting-
a blank orange canvas hiding behind my bedroom closet.

There was this old dawg from Japan,
who thought his left arm was a ham.
He salted it lightly
and took out a bitey
and screamed for some more as he ran.

----------------------------------------------

There was this young girl from the stars,
who stopped for some pudding on Mars.
The more that she ate,
the more she lost weight
until all that was left was her ****.

----------------------------------------------

I knew a young duck called magoo,
who liked to spend time at the zoo,
when the lion escaped,
he put on his cape
and fed everyone carnivore stew.

----------------------------------------------

There once was a girl called Cherise,
who befriended a flock of white geese.
They taught her to fly,
and as years passed by,
she grew feathers, two wings and a beak.

-----------------------------------------------

You know the inventor called Einstein?
He once had beer with his eisbein....
A rock n Roll pout
soon formed on his snout
and now he listens to Rammstein.

-----------------------------------------------

This­ ninja loved his katana-
he used it to cut through bananas,
one wicked night
he slipped with a fright
and cut off is head in the drama.

I found in the sun,
a power begun
of songs that I have sung.

An artist has wrung out
a glorious one,
My heart has gone numb.

Your body is a constellation,
From your hand to your toes,
Your eyes glisten with life,
And your passion whispers ecstasy.

Im letting you go,
My words fail me so,
So careful to break,
Terrified to wake,
Your dangerous magnetism-
Could ruin my world.

Ill build walls against you
and cut off my passion
Become a cold stone,
You will never know.

My inner drum,
my beating soul,
you are gone.

The flowers fall like sweeties
in the packet of my mind.
The answer flows completely
from the hand that stops the time.

The questions that were seeking
could potentially leave us blind
to the poetry that's creeping
to the rhythm of the times.
  
The finders fees of finding gold
are deeply grained in laws.
The crawling finger grasping
for the love of ***** ******.

The sailor tongues are swaggering
with anticipating  throws,
of innocent and eloquent
shows of pretty hoes.

Unbeautifully she undresses,
unraveling my understanding.
Unceremoniously she grabs me,
undoing me to madness.

Unbuttoning my pants
and tearing at my sleeves,
inelegant her moans and
undainty are her screams.

Unbelievable the ***
underlying all the sweat,
undenying is the passion
on the bed sheets that we wet.

Unconventional,
uncontrollable,
unforgettable the night.
unacceptable,
uncontainable,
the thought of mornings light.

Love,
I  just  want  know,  
like a child.

Is your world cracked with crucifixes?
Are your  life  eyes sparkling?
  
We die  lost,  
We are ill with a sickness called time.

Feel  the beautiful  sun.
Pursue light.
Make  pain flow from your face-
find the salt river called Shiloh
and let her pour down  your lonely path.

Drift  away  in your dream.
And quietly scream.

This is a song for
all that I long for.
This is a song for the birds
I wish that I could

Tell you a secret
because I know you need it.
This is a song for the birds
I wish that I could

Fly to the moon for you,
I wish that I could

Make it and mean it,
trust it and feel it,
be all I mean it to be-
I wish that I could

Fake it and feed it,
pretend that I need it,
live as your ***** kitchen *****
I wish that I could

Fly to the moon for you
I wish that I could

I must admit that
my loves not all that
Im not your hero on a steed
but I wish that I could

She's a treacherous thing,
such a beautiful dream,
she's a heavenly creature,
but don't let her darkness entertain you.

She will drive you wild.
She will take you down
to a faraway country.
So don't let her raven eyes enslave you.

Don't be enamored by the things that she holds dear.
Don't believe the sweet words that she whispers in your ear.
Don't look directly at the sun.
Don't fly to high you'll burn your wings.
Don't be a fool for love.
Don't you be a fool.

All you are
More than words
I can't contain,
it can't remain.

Every touch
hides right here,
summers gone,
I hold it dear,
I keep it safe,
I keep it near.

You've got to run,
you've got to fly away,
You have to leave
to find another way.

Another face
another smile
another love
you will do it in style.

Nothing's lost,
all is clear.
Nothing ends,
only fear.

You have to feel
that fire burn anew.
You have to leave
to find your North that's true.

But in my heart,
there's only you.
There's nothing more
that I can do.

Our house is for sale in my memory town,
The colours you bought have been sold.
I've searched the joys of this wondrous world
but somehow returned here to you.

They said we had gold,
but the fire of life burnt us down.
And now that I'm older,
I'm leaving behind what we found.

Ive placed my last stone at our fountain of life,
there where we once met.
The sun stood still as I painted your name,
I tried but I could not forget...

The light on your face and that look in your eyes,
the bells that jingle jangle as you walked on by.
The touch that you gave and us lost in a haze,
Goodbye my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful world.

----------------------------

Gone to the grave all my sentimental feelings,
My nights wont be plagued anymore.
Im throwing a way an illusive dream,
Burnt in with visions of you.

You took our chance,
and threw it away to the wind,
your shallow glance,
betrayed the love I thought was true.

No more tears that have eaten these years,
baby I'm leaving this life of grieving,
no more crying, no more dying,
no more wishing that I could see...

The light on your face and that look in your eyes,
the bells that jingle jangle as you walked on by.
The touch that you gave and us lost in a haze,
Goodbye my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful world.

I'm so happy that you just want to be friends
that I can die.
I'm so excited I'm losing you,
now I have room to fly
into these lonely arms
of this lonely heart
of this lonely lonely dreamer,
away from love
loving lonely pretty you.

The stars were made for longing hearts
so strong and on their own.
They're close enough to see them shine-
so far that they wont find the earth
that dances on its lonely path
around the blistering sun-
just far enough that they could not imagine being one
furnace of a love destroying all their dreams hold dear
flying through the universe alone.

Now that you're gone
I'm free again
to build my walls of steel,
and hide away
my passion lights
and all the hope i feel
for all this beauty and believing that
I'll ever find a cure
to the darkness that is burning in my soul.

Close your little eyes child,
set your face to Heaven,
and you will find:

Freedom from your ashes,
release from those feelings
that get you down.

When the pie leaves the sky
and the moons out of tune
and the stars all have gone on vacation.
When your eyes are all red
from the tears that you've bled
and you lost all your burning ambition;

There is someone who loves you,
Somebody needs you,
Somebody sees you,
Somebody feels you,
Somebody.

I'll cover you with feathers,
and place you in the shadow
of angels wings.

I swam in her eyes-
It didn't make sense.

I went to her street,
I went to her house,
I tried to get in.

But her walls
are higher than the Ivory Tower.
and her doors
are four foot steel.

(chorus->)
Open the vault.
Break down the walls!
Let me in.
Open the vault.
Break down the walls!
Let' begin-
a beautiful
complicated
love affair.

I know she's there
-I can hear her breathe...
I know she's scared
I can
feel her bleed!

(chorus)

Flowers for my one-eyed girl.
You used to be a beauty queen.
I stole you when you were 18.

And I broke you in,
I broke you in,
I broke your bones
because you were a wild wild creature.

A needle for my beauty queen,
I'll give you everything you'll dream,
Baby wont you marry me.

And I'll break you in,
I'll break you in,
I'll break your bones
because you are a wild wild creature.

Your scars catch your tears
oh so beautifully.
Your scars hide your young young years
oh so beautifully.

So have another whiskey on me
and stop your crying.

Wherever I run,
I'm always looking for the sun
to warm this body frozen by the cold.
I hear them say:
The lights not far away,
around the bend and over the next hill.

Someday we'll run
in open fields
with wild flowers blossoming everywhere,
and we will know,
summers here,
were at home and all our weariness will be gone again.
I'll take your hand
and we will dance
and we will never be alone again.

But winters still here,
and the sky is seldom clear
but at least I know that
I am still alive.
So ill just
look for the sun
until the morning comes
and makes this lonely darkness disappear.

Someday my love,
we'll find love,
and I will sing a song to you sweetly.
I'll hold you close
and stroke your hair
and whisper in your ear so tenderly:
"Its okay,
death has gone"
and we will never be afraid again.

Someday
we'll fly
to the stars
and watch the splendor of a billion galaxies-
spinning round
at our command
and there will be nothing that we don't understand.
Even the night
will be light
and we will never look back again.

but until it comes
I'm still longing for the day
when will never be ashamed again.

I want to visit your planet,
I want to stop and stay.
I want to visit your planet
one more day.

I want to visit your planet
but now youre going away.
I want to visit your planet
please delay.

I want to swim in your ocean baby.
I want to bask in your sun.
I want to feel your sunbeam shine on me.

I want to cry at your midnight hour.
I want to dance in your dawn.
I want to see new horisons with you baby.

I want to go on a journey
to all your foreign lands.
I want to find those treasures no one knows of.

I want to be your poet.
I want to sing your songs.
So please consider this offer before it's gone.

I'm dreaming of my darling Darling,
so fragile and insecure.
The meadows sway so softly for her,
as angels look on down.
The wisdom of a thousand ages
makes her forget her pain.
The shadows that surround her there
are whispering her name...

Shiloh.
You've found your peace at last.
Shiloh.
It happened all so fast.

Your love-rose has bloomed on this tower of thorns,
and your waiting time has passed.
The problem of trying to figure it out
has given way to love.

(bridge):
Sweet dreamer,
keep on dreaming,
close your little eyes.
Hey child,
save your blindness,
for the hardness of this world.
The sparkling stars cry tears of joy,
just catch them in your hand.
The butterflies will lift you up to the rainbow in the sky.

Shiloh- is where I build my home.
Shiloh- beside the quiet streams.
Shiloh- a symphony of beauty.
Shiloh- who can compare?
Shiloh- whenever you are there-
it's Shiloh.

(repeat bridge)

My world
My whole wide world
is burning just for you.
My world
My whole wide world
is turning just for you.
Shiloh- a symphony of beauty.
Shiloh- who can compare?
Shiloh- whenever you are there-
it's Shiloh.

Today has ended with the folding sun,
The evening flickers with the candle light,
Lay low the lights I'm going blind
by your face that looks so pretty tonight.

Lay with me,
Stay with me,
Pray with me
Baby.

Dazzle my body with your glitter eyes,
Ease my pain with your candy lies,
Cry your tears on my naked soul,
then rip it out and take it home.

Heal me,
then **** me,
mess with me
baby.

Purge me,
****** me,
Love me
so truly.

Kiss me
with poison
break me
and use me.

Lay with me,
Stay with me,
Pray with me
Baby.

I'm your white trash baby,
I'm your yellow-belly ****.
I'm your world flushed down the toilet,
oh yeah baby I'm the one.
I'm just useless information
in this endless sea of words.
Just take my hand I'll make you
***
undone.

I got no direction and I aint got brains.
I'm your road to nowhere.
I'm your road to pain.
So come kiss me honey
let me blow your little mind.

I'll teach you what it's like to fall

from grace.

I look from the darkness,
at the world through my window.

I love what I'm seeing,
the City is breathing.

And I want to meet you
in Destiny Town.

But how will I find you
when there are so many windows?

Cynics
are dreamers
blinded once to many times
by dazzling white light-
You were there that night.

For so long I longed-
Milk soft skin,
Burning eyes,
inetense desire,
the scent of a woman.

You fell asleep,
but still the room was on fire.

Beauty resting in my naked arms.

I watched over you until dawn.

You awoke
You were there
But you were gone.

Mystery
the plug of our insatiable appetite
calls on soft winds
"destiny maybe?"

Dont solve her completely
or she'll die and you'll miss her,
just taste her,
enjoy her
let her be
free

We bandage our tender hearts with cast iron strips,
constricting the blood flow to our faces,
pale skin with a waining zest for life.

There is an extra shelf in our closets for home-made masks,
the masks are poorly made
and our true pale skin can be easily seen
through the cracks in our bright coloured ornaments.

It's a **** shame about our cut up hearts.
If they could heal instead of hide,
then dreamers would be the true world changers,
and love would be a possibility for us all.

But our cynacism imprisons our weak minds
in dungeons of hopelessness and pretentiousness.
Our talk traps us through regurgitated drivel,
we talk **** with loud uttering
as if our **** holds in it the secrets of the universe.
Yet in the mean time-
the very words we think will protect us from this wild wild world
expose us as fools and make us soft tarkets-
propelling us further into loneliness.

At least we live in the delusion that we are now all grown up.

The ocean called me to the roaring waters,
I crashed to the depths held fast by it's furious glory.

Panick stricken I fought to find my way-
my lungs burnt with salt
and my soul anguished over all my dreams that would die.

At fist Ihated this cruel bitter sea,
but she answered soft as heaven
with her love song for sailors and
other lost souls.

Peace flowed from the blue depths
and I knew I'd never leave.

The strangers we meet
The strangers we eat
The strangers we are
are stranger by far.

I hate you for bothering me from my safe boring sanity.

Your sailor lips sicken me
and your satin skin poisons me.

How dare you use your pretty face to make my whole world look ugly in the light of you?

You took my sleep and my confidence and made mush of something stable and predictable.

Who told you I was interested in things like inspiration and exploration?

I hate you because I cant get rid of you.

Hide and seek,
I take a peek,
you come so near
then disappear.

I see your smile
but in just a while
I'll hide away
for another day.

the game I play
is truth and dare,
I've worn it out
like an old worn rag.

I don't know you,
you don't know me,
I wont tell
but I actually care.

It's a shallow life
and a shallow dream,
alluded hope,
illusion love,
you're not actually there-

My million pretty faces on an empty fake pedestal.

You weave through my life
like a dream
turned nightmare
turned dream
turned nightmare.

Time is so ****** short to waste it on *******,
Cant you see I'm trying to find you?
How high must I build my castle?

How is it that you're so illusive and far away-
but your scent fills the room
and chokes me with sweetness?
I hate this incessant soppiness!
Argh!

My crazy obsession I try to lie and hide so well-
But it's written on my face in flashing neon colours,
desperation is so ******* unattractive!

Where in heavens name can I find myself a cheap plastic heart?
That doesn't breathe
or feel the need to heal?

If you want money I'll buy you.
If you want freedom I'll lie to you.
If you want a bicycle-
well I'm not really into cycling but I'll see what i can do.

I see so much fear in your eyes-
relationships shipwrecked-
and now you've made your mind up about the facts of life.
You've become the rock of Gibraltar-
tough as nails.

You're scary-
ready to weather any storms-
lonely-
but I still know you're soft inside...

You're just choosing the lesser of two evils-
well for now at least.

I know you still cry for your dreams,
stories that make you long,
but then you remember.

Hey! I get just as **** scared.
I mean, who burns themselves time and time and time again
without changing their formulas on life?

I do.

My certainty is death,
my passion is life,
my pain: the brevity of life,
my desire: intensity of life.

I sailed high and far away,
floating aimlessly in the burning blaze,
bashed about by the burly wind,
dreading the dark to come,
clinging to my fading sun,
longing for the land I lost,
the love I killed,
the pain,
the cost.

I know the day will come again,
the calm, the still, the warmth, the earth.
I know my heart will rest again,
the joy, the peace, time will amend.

But I know the dark and the fear and the dread,
and the turmoil, and the rage wedged here in my head.

Tonight in my soul I wage,
my lonely war,
in my sky cage.

Space,
Satin skin on black lace.

She smells like a dream
and tastes like reality,
but all i find is space.

Let it slide,
let it glide,
open wide
and let it hide,
let it fade
into the haze,
let it be,
let it be.
let it go
on it's own-
never seek,
never know.
never feel,
never see
what it's like
to befriend me.

I told her I cared
she went pale and scared...
So I told her I lied
and she broke down and cried.

I tried to be a friend
and jealousy consumed her...
so I tried to be her lover
and she found comfort with another.

I asked her to go
and she didn't want to know...
so I asked her to stay,
now she's going away.

My Semiramis.
I used to dwell in the light realm,
I tried to leave but now not even the darkness will take me.
I live somewhere in a mist realm.

My Bathsheba,
I left glory to come find you,
but just like in the light realm,
you still insist on hiding yourself behind your icy walls.

My Delilah,
one night with you broke me forever.
Your sickness has weakened my soul.

My Jezebel,
in my dreams i always look for your passionate black eyes.
Its dumb and illogical my obsession with you,
you destroy me.

My Diana,
I remember when my life was peace and control,
but you seduced me into turmoil and war.

My death trap,
why do i want you so?

Tearing up the road,
I used to have eternity
but now death lurks over me like a hungry animal-
that's why I'm tearing up the road.

There's so much left to see,
there is so much left to be,
I used to be an identity
but now I fulfill the role of my top 100 hollywood dreams.

It used to be siesta on a stream,
floating on cream,
but now it's terminal velocity and the ground is rushing towards me and no matter how hard i flap my wings it seems i still cant use them to fly me out of this beautiful hell hole.

All I see are people with shattered hearts,
walking around with broken backs,
pretentending to have no hearts
and no spines.

My throat is in old Tupperware bowl used as an ashtray full of burn marks never been cleaned just emptied.

My body is a punch bag beaten up by beer, take-aways and lazy living.

My mind is a collection of old collectible records all scratched and collecting dust in an old forgotten attic.

My hands are shaky spider legs spinning webs of deceit.

My eyes are tired from looking through this mask of strength wanting freedom from the darkness longing to accept the weakness that is.

My feet point forward but they walk backwards.

My desire is on fire, its always been on fire.

My spirit believes in possibilities so ill stick around to see what happens.

She traded her dreams for a liar,
too much fighting for love left her tired.

Too many men,
Too many monsters,
Too many battles,
Too many losses,
Too many wounded,
Too many corpses,
Too many promises
nailed to crosses.

I tried to inject her with desire,
I tried to resurrect her dying fire,
but all she could do
was retire.

The dance began with a crash and burn,
and the moon was dancing round the earth.

Life was sparked and land was green
and the mystery sparked of death and birth.

Then wicked men defiled this place
with lust and greed and love and hate.

But when the blazing guns,
and the fiery eyes,
and the famine cries,
and the lonely tears,
and the suffering souls,
are dead and gone,
and the world is just a barren stone-

the moon will still be dancing around the earth.

One innocent,
One tormented.
One bitter,
One contented.

One pure,
One ***** and demented.
One heart loving,
One mind dented.

Both are powerful,
Both relentless.
Both are wise,
in worlds apart.

Both have killed
in wars contended.
Both crave music,
souls and art.

One face,
One body,
One war,
One you.

We're walking in a hazy maze,
always lost,
always found,
always almost...
nearly touching,
nearly staying,
nearly keeping...
then its over.

All this time
I've tried to find,
within the recess
of my mind,
the lie I crave
to keep me blind,
to clear the air-
the dark dispair.
To find my peace,
to **** the beast,
the blackened truth
that holds me down.

For you my dear,
are neither here nor there,
your love is cold,
you couldn't care.
Your sparkling face,
and your heartfelt touch,
Do you truly feel that much?

My ship,
docked,
in your harbor,
waiting
for the rage
of your storm
to die down.

How long will I wait,
my love,
for your turmoil to be done?
How long will I long,
my dear-
For your wide open blue,
and the salt of your skin
and the awe of exploring your greatness once again?

My mast is down,
my anchor heavy.

I sit here between the hard earth
and my dream.
I sit here waiting for you
to come around.

That manipulative shot glass-
blew my brains with black n blue ***** bullets
and with blinded passion and mixed emotions,
I glided gently off my high bar stool,
and found myself nestled neatly
on my ****.