You don't stop being a child, and become an adult, all at once.
Remember the endless reservoir of energy you had?
It slowly becomes purpose, ambition, goals.
Limited, channelled, tunnelled, controlled.
Optimism leaks away, you learn restraint, you learn to be guarded.
You realise that to be otherwise, leaves you vulnerable,
That others can, and will, hurt you.
It can take decades to learn all these lessons,
You still assume that everyone will act like you, think like you,
You're floored by betrayal, again and again.
If you're lucky, you'll retain some childhood naïveté, some trust,
And circumvent cynicism, which is the death of freedom, and hope.
If it has found you, you must try to travel back to your childlike heart,
Everyone's map is different,
So I cannot show you the way.

I stand there, avoiding the instance of your coming
letting the noise drown my thoughts
allowing the wind to remind me to move on
restricting any word to escape my mouth

But my senses always got the best of me

I feel you
My skin could not contain it's longing to be held again
I hear you
My ears immediately focus on your husky voice
I smell you
My nose has never been so familiarized to a scent
I see you
My eyes lose control but manage to cancel everyone else in the room
I almost talk to you
My mouth chokes and reminds itself that I am its master
I let this mutiny pass with the exception of my words
Restraint is our motto
But I guess I couldn't avoid the unplanned rendezvous of our eyes

You're coming closer
Your eyes filled with determination
filled with comfort
filled with happiness
While mine remain the total opposite
You comfortably say, "How are you?"

How dare you

You managed to make my mind lose it's control once again
You have manipulated it to reminisce a tormenting past
Something I thought I have trained it not to do
Ruining my scripted response of "I'm fine"
Messing up the story line in a matter of three words
My eyes are telling a story
I hope it's language is foreign to you

My eyes
I recall you saying it was my best asset  
And often I would close it, an action I'm restraining at the moment
You know I closed it when you touched me
Setting my skin ablaze with the feeling of security
I closed it when you carelessly said "I love you"
Making my gullible heart get too attached
I closed it when you cuddled me
Wanting to get lost in the moment
I closed it when you kissed me
Hoping the feeling will last forever
I closed it when you stopped all these
Wondering what I was doing wrong
I closed it when you were texting someone else
Dying to know who, but afraid to ask
I closed it when you lied to me
Wishing you would take it back
I closed it when you left me
A moment tattooed in my vision
Open or closed, I see it
And others see it too

Your question remains unanswered by words
I will not close my eyes
Not this time
I'm just staring
Directly at your beautiful pair
Half-hoping you see it too
My eyes that scream "Save me"
Louder than what my lungs can reach
For this is the most effective way to respond

Everything made sense
And my senses were playing along
But you walked away naively
And what hurt me the most was the fact that
You
read
my
*eyes

They said high school was a home of learning
Oh I learned alright
They said it would construct my future
All it did was destroy me with the past
They said it would be safe
They have no defense over the demons
They said it would develop me as a person
But I remain who I was... only shattered

They said so many things, yet understood so little

This goes to the pillow-clutchers
to the broken who carry soaked and salty handkerchiefs
to the flesh that thrive for streaks of red dripping out
to the souls that are constantly bombarded by screeches of lies
Lies that overrun every beauty in and out
Lies that lead to masochistic actions
Waiting for the second heartbeat after every punch
Hoping this would free the monsters trapped within
This goes to the insecure
No, we are not emo
How can one contain our being in just three letters?
We are not superficial pain lovers
We are violated, dispirited, downhearted, beaten, unsettled, splintered, forgotten
But we will never be merely emo

A high school is not filled with students
It is filled with labels, rumors, divisions and fake personas
filled with eyes that look straight into your soul
filled with whispers that spread like a virus
Getting worse and worse after every ear it has jumped into
Savages looking for the flaw that can destroy you
Until you break and mindlessly follow their example

High school is where you lose who you are
And be who everyone else wants you to be

Everyone thought I was just being vain
Always staring at the mirror, trying to be cute
Never did it come into their minds that I was already believing the lies
ready to accept the rumors
using FINE as my own maxim
**** I'm Never Enough
But I waited
Waited for someone to drive out the beasts
to heal my scars
to fill my emptiness
Yet until now I remain drenched in loneliness and fear

High school is worse than hell
A quick and small crack in your soul hurts more
Than an eternal burn of your flesh
This is why we're ready to see the light come out of our eyes
But I'm holding on
For you need pain before you're declared strong
For you need darkness before you see the stars
For you need death before you reach heaven
For where there are angels,
*there will always be demons

To pelt the world in ice and graves.
To feel how quiet this part of town feels
When the lites turn on we will not sleep.
We will not dream of anything tonite
We will run like the chinook salmon runs
To flood the world in rivers alive
With pain the pain of peace.
The pain after loss.  
What will come here when the hedges pop
Out like boxing gloves.  
Out of me is songs apollo sang.
Out of him and I we dance with
Wounded leggs.  And prove
How sweet salt tastes on gashes of death.
How sweet to taste imortality when
The cars speed.
What now is a world full of saints.
To fill markets with fresh fish.
And throw the bottles of whiskey
Where they belong.  Where they are warm
Proves how hot my sweater gets when my
Forhead clams up.
My scarf unwraps and we run
With out our cloths down pearl street.
Let there be muse forever on feet and side walk.
We mustnt forget why we break free from
The shakles of eternity.  
The horrible shakles of wild life.
Are finally pure gold.
The softest medal to bend.
And we leave the tempting
Medal behind and choose to
Drink the rain  drops.

The silence grows deafening,
and the stillness screams;
the darkness over powers me.
i look all around and i see mirrored walls.
and in them the eyes!
eyes that bore into mine seemed to accuse,
they seemed to resent being trapped in here;
along with the very ghost.
i whirl around and see another pair,
appraising the view and seemingly smug.
so terrible yet so beautiful,
and wondering when the show ended.
i close my eyes, my heart speeds up,
i turn slowly and find another image.
hungry and dangerous the eyes came nearer,
with every step going backwards,
the ravishing the ravenous eyes came closer.
till i could smell her breath on mine,
intoxicating, alluring and beckoning me,
till i could fight it no more.
i tried to turn my face and again,
she smiled and waved at me,
she trilled a little laugh;
at my terror stricken face.
the sound reverberated off the walls,
that were also mirrors.
"why are you scared" she looked at me,
"we are all a part of you,
we sleep with you and wake with you,
and eat with you and we watch you ****.
we are your nightmares revisited,
we are the unspoken dreams,
the tales untold, the songs unsung.
all your deeds good and bad,
come undone with us.
for we are your friends and family,
we are only, you."
she bared open her heart
and i saw that it was mine!
and i heard the songs of the requiem,
or was it only my scream?
trapped within my own mind,
with the inner spirit.
she tortured me and tormented me,
till i was no more.
but when i start to think of it,
was it all just a dream?
but then she comes at night to me
and then i see it was me.