firstly,
find everything
that ever scared you
collect them all together into a group
get yourself a bigass stage
stand on it right in front of them
and tell them
to *******

secondly,
pull all the memories that try to choke you
that try to drown you
like the mean hand
of that girl that used to bully you
and hold your head under the water
till your lungs hurt...
pull all those memories out
hang them on a clothes line
until they are dry
and so crisp
that you can crunch them
in your hand
and remember to laugh
as you do so
because once they were frightening
but now they are
floating away from your fist

and lastly
seek out your greatest fear
and force yourself to sit with it
until you have befriended it
he will be
your greatest
ally
he will teach you
how not to be
afraid

if you can make peace
you will always have it
like the funky necklace made out of beads
you made with your cousin

if you do these things
someday you will be
not afraid
of anything
but i wouldn't know
i can't even get past
step one

i just realized
that i spent another entire day
subconsciously chanting to myself
that i am a *******.

i have no reason to think this.
i am a beautiful,
intelligent
redhaired spitfire
and i'm not afraid to say any of those things
people don't say those things to themselves
enough
but why
the ****
do i constantly remind myself
all day
that i am
a piece of
****
who is
telling me this
and why
do i believe it?

I run through dialogues
in my mind
as a way to communicate
with someone,
though imaginary as they may be,
my thoughts and feelings
on subjects, of which
I am lost.

"I have no other means,
no friends,
no families,
of which I may defenestrate
these ideas
through the windows of my soul."

"These fires have started
and started to spread
and started to burn my sanity's thread.
My sweater has come off again.
Lying naked in conflagration,
When will I be saved?
When my savior comes,
Sweater undone,
How should I behave?"

I talk to this nobody,
this fool on the hill,
and smile alone
in my empty home.