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Crestfall Oct 2019
You want *** to be soft, to be sweet,
                    like dripping honey warm
and liquid flowing
         boundless you don’t
               want the mountain ridges
                                   on your lover’s chapped lips,
                                                           ­            you don’t want the
                                                vase to
                                   s      h     a     t    t   e       r
              on the floor as though there is a
                            limit to the sugar, you
                                    want to pour prettiness
                                                  into every crevice of your
                                   heart and you want love
                      to be sweet and soft even
            when your lover is
                                   hard and cold, eyes like
                                  ice and mouth powerful
                                 like mountains and heart
                              weathered like beach pebble—
                                                         ­                     you want a ****** with
                                                          candy lips and long lashes and
                                                      feathery thoughts with long
                                                   sighs of hot breath not
                                                    real words not speaking while
                                                         loving not thinking while kissing
                                                         ­                          not hard and bitter,
                                                         ­           you want soft and sweet,
                                                                ­    you can’t take it like
                                                         bedsheets and bittersweet
                                not soft not hard
not sweet not bitter.
(c)Crestfall
Crestfall Mar 2019
You shall dine well, Fabullus, at my house
in a few days, if the gods favour you,
if you will have brought with you a good and large dinner,
not without a shining girl
and wine and wit and all your laughter.
If you will have brought these things, I say, our charming one,
you shall dine well: for the purse of your Catullus is full of cobwebs.
But, in turn, you will receive undiluted loves
of anything which is either more delightful or more elegant:
for I will give to you perfume,
which the Venuses and Cupids gave to my girl,
which, when you will smell it,
you will ask the gods so that they might
make all of you, Fabullus, a nose.
(C) Crestfall
My translation of Catullus' Carmen 13.
Crestfall Mar 2019
Sparrow, delight of my girl,
with whom she is accustomed to play,
whom she is accustomed to hold in the fold of her dress,
for whom, seeking rapaciously, she is accustomed to give her fingertip and to urge sharp bites,
when it is pleasing for me to make some loving joke for my shining desire,
and a solace of her sorrow,
I believe, so that her so heavy passion may grow quiet.
If only I were able to play with you yourself,
and to lift the doleful woes of your soul!

It is as pleasing to me as they say that the golden apple was to the swift girl,
which unbound her girdle, having been fastened for a long time.
(C) Crestfall
My translation of Catullus' Carmen 2, A and B
Crestfall Mar 2019
I would like, papyrus, that you tell the young love poet,
my friend, Caecilius, that he should come to Verona,
leaving behind the walls of New Como and the shore of Larius:
for I wish that he receives certain cogitations
of a friend of his and mine.
On which account, if he will be wise, he will devour the road,
although a glittering girl might call him back a thousand times as he is leaving,
and, flinging both arms around his neck,
she might beg that he delay,
who now, if true things are announced to me,
perishes through uncontrollable love of him:
for from which time she reads his incomplete "Mistress of Dindymus,"
from that time, flames consume the innermost marrow of the poor girl.
I forgive you, girl more learned than the Sapphic Muse;
for the "Great Mother" of Caecilius is elegantly incomplete.
(C) Crestfall
My translation of Catullus' Carmen 35
Crestfall Mar 2019
What wicked intent, wretched little Ravidus,
casts you headlong into my iambics?
Which god, ill-invoked by you, readies to stir up a crazed fray?
Or was it so that you can become the subject in popular chatter?
What do you want? Is it pleasing to be famous in whatever way you desire?
You will be, since you determined to covet my loves, along with eternal retributions.
(C) Crestfall
My translation of Catullus' Carmen 40
Crestfall Mar 2019
He seems to me to be like a god;
he, if it is lawful to surpass the gods,
who, sitting opposite, gazes at you repeatedly,
and listens to you, laughing sweetly,
which snatches away all senses from miserable me;
for as soon as I beheld you, Lesbia, nothing is left to me of my voice in my throat.

But my tongue is numb,
a subtle flame runs down beneath my limbs,
my ears ring with their own sound,
my eyes are covered with twin night.

Leisure, Catullus, is burdensome to you:
in leisure you exult too much, and you run riot.
Leisure first ruined both rulers and prosperous cities.
(C) Crestfall
My translation of Catullus' Carmen 51
Crestfall Sep 2017
One would like to think we have a choice,
Of what to do with this time we're given,
Hoping that thoughts we can voice,
Praying that by our gods we can be forgiven.

But choice is a two-headed serpent,
Cold as ice,
Fake as the paper money we've spent,
Frivolous as I when playing with gambling dice.

Drawing you in with empty hope,
Only to spit you back out for the wrong selection,
You're falling down a steep *****,
In a world in which you lack protection.

When you are about to draw the card from Janus' hand,
Reminded of what comes ahead,
Be sure your move is planned,
Lest you wind up dead.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Oct 2017
Here I find myself again,
Poring over the bits and pieces you've given me,
I've counted far over ten,
The light on my desk has been burning so long my landlord will raise my electricity fee.

I've been staring so long,
My eyes burn, lined with silver tears,
Every thought I have could be wrong,
Seconds of solitude seem like years.

I don't know what to think anymore,
The lines are so blurred between us,
I don't know what to feel anymore,
The beats of our hearts in our hands between us.

Too thin is space stretched,
The words on the page overlap each other where they are etched.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
Curiosity, they say, kills the cat.
I ask, though, does the cat ever think about that?

No, says the cat, I shan't dwell on consequence.
This makes me believe, then, that the cat is a creature of great intelligence.

After all, what being of intellect would never possess the urge to know?
Instead of lacking knowledge, shaking one's head to and fro,

Wouldn't a smart thing like a cat search for answers?
Indeed, the way to halt one's ignorance is to dig endlessly for what one is missing.

Like a puzzle being solved,
We must leave some things unresolved.

Leave a few pieces blank in order to fill others.
So now I conclude that it is not curiosity which kills the cat, but the necessary occasional lack of knowledge that leaves the cat thirsting for more.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Dec 2017
People do not begin to fear the dark until they know what it holds.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
Our Demons are not under our beds,
They are in our eyes, wherever we look,
On our lips, whenever we speak,
In our minds, whenever we think,
In our memories, whenever we remember,
In our hearts, whenever we love,
In our tears, whenever we cry,
Our Demons do not exist without us,
They exist within us.
© Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
Don't depend too much on anything.
Even our shadows leave us when we're in darkness
© Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
Some lives, they say, are linked across time.
If I could find a rhyme,
I'd point out to you that some things are meant to be,
Unlike friends and ends,
Love and adventure don't rhyme.
But you see, they're all meant to be: friends, ends, love, adventure.

Things are simply this way,
Truly, we have no say.
As if someone has written our story,
Thought of our glory.
Written it down in some grand design,
As if what they write has the ability to intertwine our lives.

It's like everything we do is searching for scattered lines of text in our corner of this person's mind.
Many a wise man said we are all connected.
If the grand design were a book, we would be.
© Crestfall
Crestfall Nov 2017
The pages are empty. And so am I.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Sep 2017
Suffering,
For hopes slipped between shaking fingers,
Tears of the past still linger.

Enjoying it,
For humans are so very gullible,
To think that the salt water pouring from my eyes are real,
When they’re only crocodile tears,
Coming from a person who can no longer feel.

Suffer,
For I will it so,
Crumple in pain,
Swallow every knife I throw,
Your tears are all I have left to gain.

Enjoy it,
Only this long it’ll last,
Only from me will you hurt so well,
Only for this time, standing you can be called strong,
Only for this moment are you captured in my prison cell.

Suffer. Suffer. Tears are false. Suffer, for I will it so.

Enjoy your pain, it lasts no longer than you stand. Humans are so false, so fake, that they shatter as quickly as pottery.

“Hello, hopeless heart,” I said to you, before your Hell began.

Heartbreak said to you, before your Hell began.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
We are all afraid of falling, failing.
When we fall, we hope for a hand to pull us out of this endless abyss that we hurtle through.
When we are pulled out, it is a show of trust, belief, an support.
The people who give us this are unique, one of a kind, irreplaceable.

We all have imperfections.
When someone sees our flaws, and loves us more for them, we are lucky.

Friends. Ah, friends.
We would never dare to lose them, since they have always been with us, day-in, day-out.
Dedicated to I Barker
© Crestfall
Crestfall Oct 2017
I've been saying it for a while,
But no one takes my words,
Thinking they're only hostile,
That I'm throwing stones at birds.

I've had enough.

They all think I'm okay,
Sure, that's what I said,
When will someone see past what I say,
When will they see how I've bled.

I've had enough.

You're telling me not to fall,
You're shouting my name,
Waiting for the next phone call,
Wondering if you're to blame.

I've had enough.

It's all crumbling down,
The weight of worlds on my shoulders,
I felt my spine crack,
Watched the fall of my crown,
Felt the air grow colder,
The lack breaks my back.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
Hope, a crude thing:
People who possess it, end up losing it due to pursuance of an objective centralized on solely having Hope.

Hope: A cruel thing,
That tears things away from those who wish for it.

Hope: A villainous thing,
That can be existent and absolutely unrealistic.

Hope: A false thing,
That we imagine to console ourselves that there is a reason to go on.

Hope: A lie,
We tell to those we love to get the point across that we will always be with them.

Hope: An ugly lie disguised as a beautiful truth.

Was the saying not with beautiful lies and ugly truths?
It seems that Hope is a shapeshifter,
As well as a master of deceit.
© Crestfall
Crestfall Feb 2020
Spotlighted like some movie star,
how do you stand, being so far?
Lights that glare on polygraph eyes
twitching at truth instead of lies.
Gave your life to forbidden love—
find me some thorns, make me a glove.
Capulet to my Montague? Try:
summer red to my winter blue.
(c)Crestfall
Crestfall Nov 2017
If I were to flip the world on its head, would the snow fall up?
©Crestfall
Crestfall Oct 2017
insanity.
a beautiful word for a mind yoU BET woUld FAIL
Insanity.
i’m clawing at a locked door. is it my mind that ails, or the wood beneath my nails?
InSanity
hot tears streak down my cheeks. are they glad, or are they sad?
InSanIty
harsh laughter crawls up my throat. am I amused, or confused?
InSanITy
my knees burn on the floor. have I knelt too long, or were these the strikes dealt?

IS IT.
insanity.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Oct 2017
They're all singing some twisted up song,
Mayhap I've heard it before,
The people are all stomping their feet in the throng,
But not me; I'm deaf on the dance floor.

They're singing: LA DEE DA,
We ain't never gonna be bourgeois,
We ain't never gonna fit in your sick jigsaw,
We ain't never gonna follow your law.

They're all calling some famous name,
Mayhap I've said it myself,
To me, it's all the same,
All the records on that dusty shelf.

They're calling: LA DEE DA,
You ain't never gonna love my flaw,
You ain't never gonna see my ice thaw,
You ain't never gonna watch me withdraw.

They're all preaching some aimless creed,
Mayhap I'll believe it someday,
To some faith; I'd rather not plead,
Not get caught up in a loud fray.

They're preaching: LA DEE DA,
They ain't never gonna get my gist,
They ain't never gonna bind my wrist,
They ain't never gonna find a twist.

They're all trusting some useless thing,
Mayhap I bought it once,
But I'm not strung on their string,
Not like some wretched dunce.

They're trusting LA DEE DA,
Thinking it isn't the Devil's claw,
Thinking they can escape the law,
Thinking they've got it all.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jan 2020
Remember that kiss in the winter snow?
The warmth of your cheek against my lips.
I'm finally letting that go,
the way you said Merry Christmas
like next year mattered, too.

Remember your fingers knotted through mine?
The lamplight on the bench was a glow.
I'm letting that go,
the way you chuckled when it was
too dark for anyone to tell it was you and me

Remember we played video games
in your basement by the coffee table, too low?
Maybe you can't let that go,
the way I beat you with a light saber
even though it was my first time playing.

Remember the way you didn't say goodbye
on the last proper day?
I want to let it go,
the way I was a coward
and I didn't run after you to be the one in the right.

Remember when you forgot a cookie box
at my house, on a day when we'd talked?
And I ran down the road to give it back to you.
(That was the last time we really spoke, wasn't it?)
Then you laughed and I laughed and we said goodbye
again, at last,
and you turned and walked to the bus station
and I let you go.
(c) Crestfall
For you who will be my Dearest Darling, but not in the same way, more in the way that a polaroid is a memory.
Crestfall Jun 2017
It seems that humans have an obsession with light,
That where there is light, we lack in fright.
It seems that there is fear and uncertainty in the dark,
That nothing is certain, yet everything imagined.
What if the dark were a blessing,
So that there would be no guessing as to what lurks in the shadows?
© Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
As long as I die fighting for something worth living for, I might as well be alive.
© Crestfall
Crestfall Oct 2017
Have I lost my mind?
Have I lost it all?
Is there nothing left to find?
Everything in an endless fall.

Pages blank,
No way to explain,
Long ago my sanity sank,
Bound by Fate's chain.

None left to turn to,
None left to blame,
I can't find that breakthrough,
Nothing is mine to claim.

Lost is my heart,
Lost is my love,  
Lost is my art,
Nothing left to dispose of.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
Like a thorny rose,
You want it.
But if you're not careful,
You're hurt.
When you can finally admit to wanting this rose,
Things seem to mend.

A funny thing, Love.
It changes, like a chameleon.
It changes in strength, like a storm.
Only one thing is certain:
You are left different than before you set your sights on this rose.
© Crestfall
Crestfall Aug 2017
You're looking at this poem,
Thinking I'm lonesome,

Or perhaps you're thinking I'm in love,
Though truly, I'm free as an uncaged dove.

Then why would I say I'm loving someone?
Truly, I'm writing this for you lovers, or just anyone.

My heart's been cold and dry for a while,
So this won't make me smile,

But here's hoping you'll give your heart a test-run,
Maybe find a loved one.

Have more success than I ever will,
Tell someone you'll love them even if the world ends, still.

Find a place in their heart,
Swear you'll never be apart.

Never let go of their hand,
As if your wrists are bound, you're sinking in your love's quicksand.

A brilliant drowning,
Minutes you'll never be counting.

You won't give up; promise me that,
Though writers are heartbroken, give your heart a door mat.

Let someone in the door,
You'll never need anything more.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jul 2017
Mistakes,
Heartaches,
Alone with a shot of liquor,
Wishing for the time to pass quicker.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
Staring at a clock,
Hoping these thoughts I could block.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
Watching hours tick by,
Trying to believe my own formulated lie.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
I wonder what I did to deserve this,
Wondering what did I miss,
Or why I care so much for a single kiss.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
Seems like it's been years since I here I sat,
With too many shots; head pounding, after that.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
People tell me to get a grip,
Telling me my sanity's in a constant slip.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
My friends want me sober,
I only wish it to be over.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
I've gone through a lot,
Most of it smudged, more of a blot.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
Stains on my conscience,
Tears in my heart,
Waiting for a single correspondence,
Before I rip myself apart.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
Left me torn,
Alone to mourn.

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
Whose mistake am I,
And why are these tears leaking from my eyes?

Mistakes,
Heartaches,
I'm reaching for the next shot of liquor,
Wishing for the time to pass quicker.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
We say: I need it.
Do we not mean: I want it?
We find some things necessary,
Others desirable.

Humans, I find, lack the disposition to distinguish between the two.
We lack the desperation to say that we truly need something.

Only desperate humans truly need things.
You see, humans have created so many shortcuts in nature that it is entirely unnecessary to depend on any one material.

However, we have large, far-seeing eyes that fixate on particular subjects.
Our minds fixate on this subject at the same interval, and we are left with desire that will never be relinquished,
For if it is satiated, we come back for more.

Thus, we require nothing, and desire everything.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jul 2017
Overused,
Abused,
The word never:
A word we are told not to use, ever,
Told because superstitions entail that using it would cause misfortune,
But I would rather see beauty in distortion,
Find the cure and reasons through an imperfect lens,
Instead of allowing superstitions opportunity to cleanse.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Dec 2017
The one who holds the most power is they who have learned not to be swayed by words; but to sway words themselves.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jul 2017
Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
Keep me awake,
But don’t let me choose the sleeping pill to take.

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
Cloud my mind,
Render me blind.

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
Invade my thoughts,
Never let me connect the dots.

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
Never let me go,
Never let me recall what I owe.

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
I’m afraid of the dark,
But I never want to see a spark.

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
Shut my mouth,
Or else my luck will fly south.

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
Strip me bare,
Keep me aware.

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
Why am I alone,
So unknown?

Sleepless Nights,
City Lights,
You’re everywhere and always,
The only thing I can bear in this haze.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Sep 2017
Can I fall out of love,
I ask you, on my knees, I beg and plead,
I have a plague to dispose of,
To doom it can only lead.

Can I run away and not look back,
I pray, hoping my sins can be dismissed for a day,
My life is being lived like a game of blackjack,
All I hold dear is wasting away.

Can I forget,
I sob, voice rasping and broken,
All I own dangling on a misplaced bet,
Nothing to call mine, not even a token.

Can you let me go,
I request, wounds burning from the torture I’ve been through,
My death approaches at a pace too slow,
I find myself kissing the muzzle of the gun you drew.

A shot in the dark,
You’ve wasted my spark.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jul 2017
Tears,
Fears,
You disable my stability,
Exploit my fragility,
Destroy my credibility,
Hinder my capability.

Tears,
Fears,
Bind me to a wall of pain,
Strangling, chafing, the strongest chain.

Tears,
Fears,
If you were a person,
You'd shoot me for poor versing.

Tears,
Fears,
So numerous,
Nothing about you humorous.

Tears,
Fears,
A weight in my step,
A world on my shoulders,
A snapping of my honor as I fail to find my misstep,
Nothing to keep me warm as it all grows colder.

Tears,
Fears,
Someone's crying over this,
I know it was my words, frigid as the abyss.

Tears,
Fears,
Not really my own,
They're telling me to get off this throne,
It's made of broken hearts; that's well known.

Tears,
Fears,
My jar of hopeless souls,
Filled with gaping holes.

Tears,
Fears,
You tear apart my connections,
Confuse their directions,
Prevent all corrections.

Tears,
Fears,
I must be cruel,
A true heart breaker,
Playing the game like they're all fools,
Quite the faker.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Sep 2017
I don't care.

That's what we're saying,
Disregarding emotions we hide in our mouth behind closed lips,
Are we preying on those paying,
The prices rise with the coins in the jar for tips

I'm not who you think.

That's what we're preaching,
Shooting our allies in the heart while staring at a script,
Lying that we're honest as their trust is bleaching,
The losses rise with the coins in the jar for your tip.

Get away from me.

That's what we're shouting,
Curling in on our wounds from too many falls and trips,
Our strength is what we're doubting,
The misery rises with the coins in the jar of tips.

The world needs less of those coins, and more of those ones that we give as advice.
But then again--what's advice in the place of money?
This is the equation:
Money>Knowledge.

Humans are so very foolish.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Sep 2017
They said we're all cogs in a machine,
That the grand design moves forwards,
That we can see it all on a screen,
But I can sum it all up in four words:

They are very wrong.

See; it's not so hard,
Not taking orders that are pushed to our mouths like force-feeding,
You're not some rookie card,
Not some ***** of poor breeding.

Don't take anyone's *******,
I don't believe in equality,
But no one's a god, so don't dare to submit,
It's irrelevant if you're a prodigy.

So: No more "They said,"
Make no useless vow,  
To none are you dead,
To none do you bow.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
You're too emotional.
I'm emotionless.
Together, we're human.
© Crestfall
© I Barker
For the Catan to my Miran.
Crestfall Jun 2017
What we never see with our eyes, we will always see with our hearts.
© Crestfall
Crestfall Jun 2017
Here's to high treason: doing the wrong things, because we have a reason.
© Crestfall
Crestfall Jul 2017
Trying,
Dying,
Their eyes brimming with tears,
Every sob a torment to my ears.

Trying,
Dying,
So bitter,
They say to me,
For a love counterfeiter,
And what can I do but agree?

Trying,
Dying,
If I let go of their image of my heart,
It would likely tear people apart.

Trying,
Dying,
Wouldn't believe that I can love,
Wouldn't think I was sane,
If I professed that it was the image I was sick of,
Would say that there's been damage to my brain.

Trying,
Dying,
I would love to scream that the damage is to my soul,
But they all say it's as filthy as coal,
And they'd say it's non-existent if there was an opinion-poll.

Trying,
Dying,
I wish to be seen,
Not for what I seem,
Though I won't say that I'm completely clean,
Maybe someone could see, in my eyes, a dream.

Trying,
Dying,
I'm having more luck drowning in the wishes,
And giving heartless kisses.

Trying for something that will only end in Dying.
©Crestfall
Crestfall Oct 2017
the lies you spoke
whispered into my eager ears
they shatter as shards of broken mirrors do
i still see my fate reflected
in a mosaic of misery
of your design.

you broke my crown only to watch my fall
you’ve twisted my arm behind closed doors
plunged your knife into my back
only to watch me bleed.

those hollow nothings you’ve told to them
covering your trail of broken faith
smiling over your hate and anger
the perfect portrait i bought
the broken mirror i became.

your truth swathed in lies
your stars painted black
my blood on the glass
my heart on the canvas
open to your words
your prophecy of ill omen
flooding into my mind
flowing from lips of cracked ice
spoken like a prayer
thought as a weeping cry.

your false honesty
taking apart my sanity
you step on my hold of the final ledge
you smile your plastic grin
shadows creep from your empty eyes
into shadow and emptiness do I descend.
©Crestfall
Crestfall May 2018
Hello.

S'been a while, huh?

I've been missing that,
Those letters you wrote,
The lipstick stains stretching across the paper.

Red was never your colour, love.

You'd never wear anything but black,
Unless they'd make a darker colour.

You and your punk rock.

It wouldn't be wrong to say I miss it.

But does missing you make a difference,
In you and I?

Do we change from who we are,
To miss the person we once had?

The light to our dark?

Does the coin suddenly have two sides,
When it's been polished again?

You never liked my cryptic words,
And I hated your honeyed poison.

But I could never turn away,
From the part of you,
That did not speak.

I could never stop looking,
At your black and blue,
At your simple formula,
At your sun-kissed smile,
Nor at your cut-up honour,
Your tragic vanity,
And your stomped-upon pride.

And you could not forget about my words,
Because even the ones you don't understand,
They ring true,
And they ring loud.

You do not lie in words,
But I live in words.
(c) Crestfall
Crestfall Nov 2017
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Times the clock.

Crunch. Crunch. Step. Crack.
Boots in snow, to asphalt, to a broken bridge.

Click. Clack. Click. Clack.
High heels clamber up my back.

Tap. Tap Tip. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tip. Tap.
Echoes every drop of rain outside, mayhap?

Clock timing my demise from the sky to the ground, to the floor beneath your stiletto heels, the pain washed away by the sound of rain, so numb so as not to even feel the water trickle down.
©Crestfall
You
Crestfall Oct 2017
You
When the entire world seems to descend into darkness, it is your smile, your laugh, your rare joy that lights a candle before my eyes.
©Crestfall
For my dearest friend, I Barker. You are enough.

— The End —