There are good bubbles
and there are bad bubbles

the good ones come
at an engagement
a promotion
a finishing

the bad ones
are the ones inside me
all the time

i am drowning in a bathtub
that is far too deep

I take her name because it is other names
of those who I admire
who I love

I take her name now because
of her
I can no longer name
my child that name

I take her name
Because it allows me
to be
a person
who is better than me

It allows me
to pretend
I am her

You know your brain is collapsing
when you doubt your doubt
when you are uncertain about uncertainty

I am supposed to "embrace the uncertainty"
but how can I embrace it
if I don't even know if it is
uncertainty
at all

This is beyond
what is not
Death and Taxes
this is beyond
that beyond
because you don't know
if the doubts
are even true
if they're even you

at all

There is no escape
From your mind
You cannot throw it away
No matter how much I want to