Would anything change
if I left where you all stood
would you be doing less opiates
and making somewhat constructive conversation?

Would you go unpunished for my excuses
or anticipate someone yelling while you drove?
I can’t see why someone would miss
a savage like me

Bickering, or
*******, or
slutting, or
strangling

You’ll all rest in peace
(not death, you barbarians)
when I’m not having spasms
next to your sink

Could anyone contort your face
like I can when I tell you how
filthy or gorgeous you look?
(no.)

Is anyone going to replace this void
that I’ll create in this cell
the walls stained with old *****
the rug covered in excess hair

In my defense
I’m truly insane
it should be no wonder
that I live in such a cave

When I leave
you’ll be much more relieved
I do wonder, however
how quickly you’ll age

Or if I’m the one to age
whistling through deserts and forests
and tripping on sidewalks
or drowning in corporate fountains

I cry hopelessly that I’m not
a catalyst
because I don’t want to stay here
when everyone is through

The rain will wash out
your bloodstains on my clothes
I can’t stumble through a laundromat
without feeling like a derelict

Maybe I’ll take up smoking
and deal crank to minors
and abuse my dogs
and **** my wife (or husband)

Or I’ll become a banker
and pocket your money
to burn when I’m cold
or bury under expensive food

It’ll take ten more warehouses
and a thousand more people
to chain me to this
map of my adolescence

Leaving here I’ll lose my mind
between the branches and streams
and the abundance of towering behemoths
that grew only lifetimes ago

If you follow me
I swear I’ll
drop you
into a
hole

No amount of love
is going to get you
out of there
so start digging
you might find some
bodies down there
make sure they’re dead

I’ve never made love to thunder
because my ears would be ringing
and I once had an eating disorder
that required purging and binging

Stop throwing your
sympathy everywhere
I’m not growing any younger
I wish all of you would realize
that
no one gives a **** about
your shoes or your dreams

don’t blame me if you can’t crawl out the cave

There is mosquito
flying around in my cell
bleeding everywhere

The walls are dissolving
quite rapidly, I might add

Paradise is a light bulb
and moths know this

That smell is almost as entrancing
as it is disgusting
and the roar of the freeway
that never seems to leave

Hearing a lot of things
that just aren’t there
and I sat in my seat
and felt the building
fall to its side

Hallucinations
are skipping outward
from our dreams
and quickly into our waking life
surely they’re quite friendly

I was once chasing a man
that I knew never existed
and he could run from one closet in my mind
and into the opposite corner of my eye

He dropped his hat,
confused, bewildered
(more or less psychotic)
tripping over it,
my sanity
falling through the
hole in the ground

Right, running:
I was sprinting, actually
my arms are red from the
fences I climbed
barbwire tangled on my ***

Never run through the
wilderness bleeding from
the hands:
mosquitoes
sharks
hungry bears
(agitated potheads)

I chased the man
through the woods
and onto the street
of his apartment

Tackling him
on the
stairs
and burning a large candle
over his feet
so he wouldn’t move

Duct taping pills to his mouth
and trying to keep his face
from getting *****

Jogging from his
body
and to the new stand
quickly grabbing a magazine
I was going to capture him in

Unfortunately
he left his legs
on the
stairs
and crawled into his
room

So I lit his hat
on fire and prayed to gods
that I was now freed

Did anyone tell you
that you’re prettier
than the water between
the grooves of the asphalt
after it rains?

with traffic lights glowing
through those tiny lakes

I was standing in an empty pool
while everyone was smoking
and watching the tedious fate
of all the cigarette ashes
soon to be washed away
and murdered by chlorine

Watching smoke elude his light yellow teeth:

he shot dope a lot
dropped too much acid, too young
I’m glad I’m not him

At the end of a rainbow
lies a young girl squatting in a wash
she’ll wake up in a gutter
and harass tourists to the next town

Red hair, punk rock girl
“you are wonderful, can I
buy some ecstasy?”

Waiting for the snow to fall
so you’ll put on that plaid jacket
that I met you in
and I’ll take pictures of you walking
down a street

on the bus, on the way to the sacrifice
you put on your war paint
and I wear that nice shirt my father bought me

you were like a bat
a face with wings
that hovered over my head
while I smelt smoke
acrid smoke
barbarians in the gutter
roasting their enemies

Do you hear that?
The braves are stomping over the embers
metal walls and rocky head collisions
and the promise of sleepless nights out

blazing stars
shot down by the clueless wishing
of the blessed infants and deadly lullabies
plastic bags choke on the cardinal’s throat

Let me stand in the fire pit again
my shoes smelled like smoke and
burnt plastic
for only a week

There are split seconds
of snakes and swines
fighting inside my pupils
waiting for five dollar bills
to show them the light

On the bus ride home
I wait a few minutes
before the last stop
and try to get the spit out
of my throat
so I don’t look
like a fool
(like I do every other day of the week)

older than I look
you don’t think I know beauty?
you don’t even know

how many hours
spent alone contemplating
dead flowers I kept

I watch the sun sleep
and the clouds bleed dull colors
before I lay down

you say you have one
but the young girls you see now
were always mothers

they don’t need children
or irresponsible pasts
to smile to your face

I touched a white rose
walking home today, covered
in rain from the clouds

water was falling
from my bitten fingernails
and fell to concrete

sometimes it hurts to
show you how happy I am
honestly, don’t look

eyes are receding
and faster than you can see
deep into my skull

I pretend that the
light storm blowing me away
isn’t a window

that the saliva
are waves crashing over the
cove and onto sheets

I almost feel bad
for what I’m about to do
and stepping on you

But me and her know
that we light the fuse here, soon
and unexpected

To celebrate she
will take off her clothes and close
her eyes to white fur

To watch you all wash
away like sand on shorelines
farewell, fair weathered