I don’t think you’ll know
how hard it is right now
to get these messages
from your hands

In your sterilized
clear and white cave
with machines strung to your arms
like stalactites

Tubes slowly dripping water
into plastic veins
protruding
invading and penetrating
with hypodermic needles

The bruises are as pretty
as you say
they are
a palette of
clotted blood and holes

You shouldn’t think about
the constant beeping of
the life machines
or the intrusions of nurses

I’d bring paint to
decorate your
paper gown
and I would like to read
to you
because those words
are blocked
in your confused and delirious
and ill and unfortunate mind

It’s difficult to watch
just last week we were
lying on my bed
with the fan blowing

We were falling away
or maybe it was just me
You didn’t talk as much
maybe that was because
my hands were around
your neck

Part of you is dying
it’s going to stay with you
in that ugly cave
in that ******* hospital
like a rope around your throat
and you just can’t seem to
untie that ******* noose

Youth was masturbated away
to cheap candy and commercials
and their time ended quickly

Bicycles and pavement
and the unpredictable spills
scabs and limps
and flesh on the track

Children fought like their ancestors
throwing fists and sticks
and crying when
they lost
their virginity to pain

Bee stings and bright shoes
and slamming doors behind
dropping food on the floor
and never hesitating to
pick it up and eat it

Stomach aches
and bad dreams
it must be awful to be a child
to only remember anger

Cross legged and thumb wrestling
name calling and falling
and car rides home

Their eyes in the clouds
wishing they were grown up
and the parents look down
with a contradiction they’ve
thrown up

Yes, I will eat you:
but you don’t meat my requirements
like you would a person

No, I’m not that scary
once you get to know me, somewhat
the point is, you look delicious

And I’m going to have to consume you
every last little scrap of you
and I’ll put your face in a frame

I hope you don’t mind,
I chopped off your hands
they hold the silverware now

Your eyes would make lovely pendants
and your teeth would make great bracelets
your tears would glaze

Don’t worry, I’d be flattered
if someone ate me
like I will you

I am a monster
but I am very little
so it cancels out

I stand in front of a mirror. If anyone knows my face, it’s me. The grandeur of ego.

I’m bored with:
My prominent brow
My acne
My picket fence teeth
My collagen

My flaws
are like skyscrapers
No matter how high
I look
my biggest landmarks
scrape
the empty blue sky

I’m tired of
my face being wet
after I cry
I miss the drought

I miss being dry
with my humor
and my ambitions

I miss plain
white eyes
wide smiles
hair
music
not this wave of social indecency

I’m stranded
here on in this valley
it’s a massive grave
a hole I dug

no chains when I’m enslaved
just bad dreams
and flat tires

I black out locations
on road maps
to places I saw as a child
Miami and Key West don’t exist
Neither does Bumfuq, Egypt

If they do exist
it’s in another realm
where people see
through black ink

There we stood
once, at the edges
of the valley
“I’ll race you down.”
Oops.

Stop it.
Right now.
I’m tired of you.
Your problems.
Sincerely,
New Friend

I’m tired of
being insane
being depressed
being lonely

Sobriety
makes you all miserable
trying staying that way
your whole life

Hey look!
passive aggression
it’s tied to my big toe
it’s my anchor
to reality

It repuls[e]s me
to t[h]ink about
what you put
in you[r] ve[i]ns
when y[o]u had
absolutely [n]o
one to hold
you.

I’m falling
again
I brought
parachutes
and kit kat bars
you know
how it goes

Remember that day?
We had some animal
blood
we used it as ink
at the fast food place
on a $1 paper board
to protest your
departing.

Remember that day?
We had ******* ***
a lot of it
I tasted your blood
on your tongue
I almost
threw up

Remember when
I came to your house
and you recorded me
playing guitar badly
for your music

There was that time
where my ex was
following me
everywhere
You told me
she was an
EMOTIONAL
TERRORIST
you helped me
I admired that
Now we don’t talk

Remember that day
we listened to AFI
at the In-N-Out
drive thru
at midnight
I held your hand
in the back seat
while I threatened
a fat man eating a burger
That was exciting

Remember
when I first
kissed you
in the dark
of your
apartment?

I haven’t
seen you
in a week
and we
don’t call
each other
You’re
my best
friend
sometimes

And you
I didn’t forget
about my dearest
friend

Yes
I miss you
crazy
*******
thing
memory is

I’m going to sleep
I miss seeing the sky
at the early hours
it would be red
or purple
or anything
I want you to see it
with me
in the desert
before I leave

we’ll be friends

under the stars

as far as anyone else is concerned:

bye.

There is a shoreline,
It takes the people away
Only returns sand

Looking at pictures
from the other weekend
and we’re in it
and we look happy
and nice
and I’m glad we have those pictures

I’m sorry about your injury
it’s a **** shame
I miss you
so much
even though
we’re two feet
apart

These pictures mean a lot to me,

I’ll send them to you

Everyone says
the same goodbyes and hellos
as if one person is just a person
but the people I’ve met
are not just people

I miss your smile
it made me feel genuine

I’m comfortable in my own skin
not many people can say that
I like being under your skin
only I can say that

We lay naked on your bed
and I don’t remember what I said
I felt so welcome there

Your stays at home aren’t fun
and running away sounds nice
but frankly
we have no money
and a lot of responsibility

On my birthday
I wonder what you’ll get me
maybe that ******* belt
or a really nice note
maybe both

When I’m legal
I’ll climb up
the freeway
underpass
and sit on the
railing
watching the cars
drive by and by

People are falling from the sky, lately
in my dreams
abused half people
and psychopaths
tell me about nice dresses
and about the television

I’m sailing off the edge of this
godforsaken place

All I see is waves
and how I need them

I miss the ocean
and sunburns

I want you when
the sky is clouded

Cold weather, or
the woods

Pictures
they come out nicer
when you’re in
them
us
we’re
two of
a kind

and
th
at

i
t

migh
t

ju
s
t

fal
l

a
p
art