11:29 PM
how long has it been 11:29 PM i wonder
how many times have we leapt in circles through space,
and how long until it will be 11:30 PM i wonder

11:32 PM
how long ago was it 11:29 PM i wonder
and did my headphones say “small” or “smart”
sing it again if you please, i beg of you
i just can’t quite catch it
the webbing of my ears was built by a faulty spider,
drunk on success, he was
one too many flies he caught in a day, they say behind hands in soft voices
now his work is a mere shadow of what it used to be

8:24 PM
i can’t bare moving my eyes upward
and seeing 8:25 PM
it would make my stomach twist and my organs grow cold
2 minutes line my eyes with dark marks and i’m only existing on a plane of melancholy

2:46 PM
i
want a reason to be sad
i need justification
i need a reason
not an excuse
because the world is cold and my printer broke
and i lost my favorite stuffed animal
and i’m not a five year old anymore
because i ******* hate Nike so ******* much

somewhere past 11:23 PM
i lost the minutes in a haze of emotional speeches, never to be heard outside the blue-lined walls, and steam
a fuzzy 11:40 PM reflects a faint shape of a vessel,
carrying one soul,
destination; THE END
arrival time; unknown
eyes brimming with anxiety i exist outside my head only

i lost track of the time
i don’t know if it’s dawn or dusk or day anymore
i only know muted poundings and pathetic drops of water across the floor
the white white white white white floor
i should get a watch

let's go back to basics
i'll punch you in the face
i'll rip out your hair and eyes and teeth and use them as jewelry around my sleeve
oh how much i love you! every part of yourself you've given me! your brown eyes and bleached teeth - you make me look so chic!
i don't care that your veins and enamel and sticky hair styling products are ruining all my long-sleeved clothes
i'd rather wear you now and save my expensive jewelry for more formal and important events -

                                                              ­                                                                 ­      my heart's made of gold

just hormones
i tell myself
not real pain
not a big deal
but everything hurts and i want to die
just hormones 
hiding behind eyeliner
it masks the red 
i wasn't crying
allergies
mine are bad this time of year
i wasn't sad
why do you ask?
how ridiculous
i
don't
get 
sad
i don't need help
 i just need some time alone
no people
just the static crackling of a car radio a few yards away
a talk show with the volume **** turned too loud
screams and laughter from where my friends stand
they aren't like me 
they don't want me
i don't want them
i'll hide in a corner
hide behind a mask
of eyeliner
and lip gloss
cloaked in shadows
drip drip
goes the water
it's cold over here
but hidden
nobody can see me
i'm just another person on their phone
clipped into technology 
indifferent 
not in pain
just hormones 
i remind myself
you aren't really hurting
the slightest touch will turn your eyes into waterfalls
so stay hidden 
stay safe
it's ***** over here
bird **** on a window
how is it that even possible?
moist
disgusting
guarded by 6th graders
to afraid to approach me
but i can feel their eyes on me
creepy pasta
is what they discuss
as they beat their violin strings
with their bows
unpleasant noises
there's my mom's car
pulling up
get ready
smile
energy
brush your hair back
natural
act natural
"How was your day?"
hard
"Fine"
it's just hormones.

A woman who leaves her children isn’t a mother but a donor,
   egg loaner.

She walked away from us, no longer mother,
  or friend.
     or other.

She never wanted us. Not me, not my brother.
And,
    to be honest,

if I saw her today walking next to a stranger.

I wouldn’t tell one from the other.

I was sweeping yesterday and its heartache under the mat
but I stopped when I got to that
part
where the pieces of my broken heart shone lightly in the morning sun.
Then I carried on
what's gone is gone and it's no use me crying now.
But how and why it ended badly
left me weeping sadly
I don't know.

One of life's mysteries that show up now and again
to drown you in a sea of pain
strip you naked like a jain
what a shame
I really like her lots
but she liked lots of other men
and that could never do
it was me and you or nothing
in the end it was nothing
and nothing I could say
would make her stay.
She'd just stray again
leave me sweeping yesterday again
I can do without the pain.
Shame.

kacey tried to ****
herself at thirteen; she cried
when it didn't work.

she didn't try once
more; she was tired of feeling
insignificant
in everything she did.