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211 · Feb 2018
Getting by
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
I hide away and my life is safe; no risk of wasting time.
in the dark, working late at night
it's not wasting time if you're productive right?
it's just getting by,
it's just the next try,
it's just the strength of your belief,
it's just getting in too deep,
it's just feeling alive,
it's just another coffee,
it just a sleepless night,
it's just missing your friends,
it's just forgetting your best friends
birthday, and then forgetting her
belated again.
it's just self-absorption.
it's just hot yoga at 6am.
it's just that it feels necessary,
to start and end the day
suffocated, yearning
for another next
another next
another day again next
another next another.
next another day
again next.
211 · Apr 2018
The best poems
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
The best poems
you forget
as you are writing them
in a trance
barely thinking
a filter for the
words that come next.
It's almost as if
you can't even see them.
Each stroke a surprise
what sentence will
grow from this pen?
210 · May 2017
.
Irate Watcher May 2017
.
IN

    CRED

              I

                BLE,



                          as usual.
209 · Jan 2019
Reductionism
Irate Watcher Jan 2019
I break it into
p
  i  
e  c
e
s
until they mean
nothing.
207 · Feb 2018
Tarantula
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
A tarantula!
Get it away from me!!!!!!
206 · Nov 2017
I am a poet
Irate Watcher Nov 2017
I am a poet, blind,
with a vague idea
in my mind.
206 · Feb 2018
Parade
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
Hold up the glass menagerie
what do you see?
fragile pictures,
facets of a prism,
don't it reflect so beautiful?
the girls linking tattooed sleeves?
an armed hoodie resting casually
around her small, petite?
two creme frocks
gracing emerald pastures,
a marriage?
a fantasy?
what do you see?
206 · Oct 2018
Nasty words
Irate Watcher Oct 2018
He said nasty words and
I lapped them up like praise.

Don’t know what he was really saying.

I just heard things and responded
with a smile and a gaze.
202 · Dec 2017
2010 OCMD
Irate Watcher Dec 2017
Night
on top of me,
a body on the beach.
I couldn't breathe!
riptide pride
inside
me.
199 · Jul 2017
Shout from the world
Irate Watcher Jul 2017
JUST DECIDE WHO YOU ARE ALREADY!!!
198 · May 2018
Slice of perfect
Irate Watcher May 2018
You tell yourself
and the other person
they are perfect.

You see no flaws,
where there are flaws.

You feel lifted,
and enlightened
when you're around them.

Everything is new.
Everything different.
No controlling it.

It is just happening -
like it was meant to.

They are just perfect
like they were meant,
for you.

You wait and wait
and ride the wave
knowing it should end,
eventually.
But it doesn't.

So you just keep talking
and talking about
the perfect, not so perfect,
perfect things you do
And they just keep
telling you what you
want to hear.

And you bask
in the light
of their gaze
like an estranged
puppy with a new home.
Drinking their praise praise praise
like it's water and you're ******* thirsty.
197 · Jul 2017
red water
Irate Watcher Jul 2017
i put my heart in my soul.
avoid food and water,
and drink the red water.
Listen to Kendrick and Tyler,
Tupac and Tyga.
Jump and leap,
barely eat.
fake it till I make it,
listen to song everyday.
stare blank into that white space.

till I feel
like I didn't just wake up as me.
liquid or life:
an empty studio
with white walls, bricks,
and hardwood floors.
Me by this glass
of cabernet - ill be fine.
ill be great.
ill soar for days.
till i don't,
till i destroy
everything that's hard won.
till i dizzy and
pass life on.
195 · Mar 2018
Things I miss
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
Looking forward to things.
When I thought about aphrodisiacs
Rory and Logan.
Not being the same age as
people who said you're so young.
Feeling secure.
The drama of youth.
Pencil sharpeners.
Writing things down.
Wawa.
Pure physical exhaustion.
Amanda's sleepovers.
Dance dance revolution.
Chocolate chip pancakes
in the morning.
Running around barefoot
in the yard.
Everything not
a business.
Minding my own business.
Yellow cake with white icing.
Blowing out candles.
Surfing the net
to see
what there was.
Discovery in other people.
Conversation.
Risk.
Serendipity.
Process.
Foresight.
Focu­s.
Fallibility.
Being OK.
Not being Ok.
Caring if someone
was OK.
Sour ****.
Monkey bars
Running up and down
the soccer field.
194 · Jul 2017
Questions I ask myself
Irate Watcher Jul 2017
Am I not pretty or witty enough?


Am I not pretty or witty?


Enough.
194 · Jan 2018
Simple
Irate Watcher Jan 2018
When I see that look on your face,
I smile and know there is space,
for you and I
to be safe.
192 · May 2017
Someone
Irate Watcher May 2017
Always someone wants not you.
192 · Jan 2019
Longing
Irate Watcher Jan 2019
I spend too much time
replaying conversations
that never happened.
Imagining you
behind me.
Looking forward,
just to look back
and laugh.
192 · Jul 2017
Definition
Irate Watcher Jul 2017
Poetry is sculpting,

                 touch my atomic being.
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
Sitting top the slide
like we owned it.
Chewing sour **** —
best friends and a guinea pig.
Nothing but pesticides
they said of our antics.
"I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired"
we droned back.
191 · May 2017
In finite
Irate Watcher May 2017
Lost in the family jar,

        
   eternity.
191 · Jun 2017
Slow for the world
Irate Watcher Jun 2017
I take my time.
When I was five,
I got my first bicycle for Christmas.
It had training wheels.
I stopped every few feet and looked around.
I don't know why I did that.
I think I was trying  to make sure I was doing it right,
before moving forward.
When I was ten, my coaches told me to
have more confidence after they told me to **** in.
When I was 19, I cried in front of my philosophy advisor and told him I had no idea what I wanted to do the rest of my life.
He listened and then told me I was brilliant.
He was the most brilliant man I knew.
I try to convince myself I still have time to figure all this out,
But my bank account says otherwise.
All I want to do is learn.
All they want me to do is do.
All I want to do is pedal a bit and look around.
All they want is me flooring it to be on time.
I hate this culture.
I should have been born somewhere else.
Why doesn't anyone want to take their time?
Why does everyone want to skim over life,
and jump to conclusions about it.
Why must we learn for some end.
Why don't we have more time to sit and read books together.
Why does it take me so long to read a book now.
Why do I sometimes forget what the moon looks like.
Can I jump into that home video and be that girl with helmet again?
Can I jump back into my father's energy,
when he told me to keep going?
We all know the 90s were better, but what if now is much worse.
I don't know anymore..
I don't...
know.
188 · Aug 2018
Sad time past
Irate Watcher Aug 2018
Everyone is sad
in their own little sad way.
Puppies cry and babies wave
goodbye, wishing the moment
hadn't passed.
Fresh and new,
always a wasting them
with drugs and *****.

No,
it's time to go
when there is no snow
and the spring
and the fall
and the summer
******* change
too fast.
Slow down he said
I want to see your face
glowing that sheer
white dewy skin
shining somehow
in the light.
186 · Oct 2017
∆N∆D
Irate Watcher Oct 2017
Child with the lion eyes,
whips his mane
'neath desert sky.

<-- lost in the stars -->

he feels confined,
too much space
for a monkey mind.
Lots of Nietzsche references in this one.
186 · Apr 2018
Imperfect (we all are)
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
The elephant in the room
is hiding in the corner
trying to cover up
her wrinkles.
186 · Jun 2017
The un's
Irate Watcher Jun 2017
I am an un.
un fit,
un suited,
un worthy,
says the hesitation
that strikes the chords
of their voices.
Even though I know
my spirit is pure,
I am often inside at night,
with a hunk of stale bread
and glass of cabernet.

If spirit were met with as much joy
as knowledge, there would be so many less
un's in the world.
If un certainty as resolute as certainty,
diversity a road less overgrown.
The un familiar flora a familiar feeling,
dark green leafy nets of confident wisdom:
people helping everyone cut through,
even the un's.

But for the un's, life is not this^
Life  is trudging up a desolate hill
with no vegetation and getting
silently pushed down by other people,
who tell you that you're un fit for trudging,
un til you begin to slow down,
un til it gets muddy,
un til you only walk up when they tell you
walking to the top is good for you.

You used to walk to clear your head,

yet you long to be at the top of the hill
any way,
just so you can stop trudging,
just so you can be worth something,
to the shaking heads and closed fists,
perched and looking down
at those below.
184 · Jun 2017
just...
Irate Watcher Jun 2017
A lot of my poems are just...


write.


precise.


recent.
181 · Dec 2017
Denial
Irate Watcher Dec 2017
And somehow it wasn't me anymore --
Wreckage in white shorts.
He pulled them off so quickly,
I must have helped him.
180 · Feb 2019
Shower
Irate Watcher Feb 2019
I wake up and think...
all of those were dreams
none of them matter
gotta move on
go take a shower.
179 · Apr 2018
Relations?
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I don't know
if I should even try.
he will probably be boring.
she will probably
want to move in.
178 · Apr 2018
Incel
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I don't know
if it would be inconvenient
to be held again.
Because then we would
have to text before
and after.
And I don't have time for that
right now.
178 · Mar 2018
I am
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
I am
and will always be
the little girl
who gets up early
jumps on your bed
urgently and says
wake up
176 · Apr 2018
Confession IV
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
He slapped my *** and told
the boy it was mine.
And by "mine,"
he meant his.
176 · Sep 2017
Untitled
Irate Watcher Sep 2017
I find it impossible to be anyone but myself.
175 · Dec 2017
Isolation
Irate Watcher Dec 2017
We're all walking past each other.
Irate Watcher Dec 2017
I am not a number in your game of chance.
171 · Dec 2017
Remnants
Irate Watcher Dec 2017
The frame is too big
for your painting.
It has fallen through.
It is deep,
and dusty.
The canvas
naked,
the colors faded
to ash.
170 · Jan 2019
There is hope in this
Irate Watcher Jan 2019
O, how I crave so much
for wandering blue eyes
to follow me.
Yet when you look
my direction,
I look down.
I dream of staring back,
of confessing the
thoughts that tie
our hearts.
Accepting your
bony embrace,
and laughing
about us agonizing
separately over
whether the feeling
was mutual.
Silently dreading
whether the
anxiety leading up
to the feeling
was worth it.
165 · Mar 2018
what's beautiful
Irate Watcher Mar 2018
Jeriff designed
a turquoise and pearl
necklace for me
in 10 minutes
as brother ray's piano sang
she knows a woman's place
is right there, now,
in the background.
165 · Feb 2018
Said the old woman
Irate Watcher Feb 2018
Stop that

~~SNICKERING~~

you filthy children!
163 · Apr 2018
Soul food
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I don't know
if any of these poems
make sense.
But I'm binging.
Call it soul food.
163 · Jan 2019
I will (pt. 2)
Irate Watcher Jan 2019
I will talk to the boy
when I can communicate
without feeling
awkward.
when I stop feeling like such a **** imposter
when I can like
myself ok
for more than a day.
when I can accept
myself for who I am,
when I stop giving
a ****
about
every
little
thing.

I'll sit next to him
will rolls
over my jeans
flashing my whiteish
smile
and he'll caress my
clearish face
and tell me how
perfect I am.
159 · Apr 2018
Solitary confinement
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
There is no one left.
I haven't been held
in months.
I need your touch.
I need someone's touch.
158 · Apr 2018
I thought
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I thought when I moved
I would end up
in a place
where the gap
underneath the door
wasn't so big.
Now the light is streaming in.
I can't sleep again.
158 · Jan 2019
Morning run
Irate Watcher Jan 2019
Wake up and
beat the sun.
Run along the
cool pavement.
Drink air.
Wind head
walking home
for eggs
and coffee,
wishing this
moment could
live forever,
without tiring.
158 · May 2017
Temporary
Irate Watcher May 2017
I bled a little
after those encounters,
a careful cat stretched across
the mattress.
Pleasantly empty.
Presently staring
space     between
leftover glasses,
water be temporary.
156 · Apr 2018
Confession
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
I let him take her.
I just laid there.
I didn't want to be
a **** block.
154 · Jan 2019
Untitled
Irate Watcher Jan 2019
I stared into the abyss and the abyss stared back.
Something comical yet resounding my co-worker said today.
153 · May 2017
The puzzle:
149 · Apr 2018
Confession VIII
Irate Watcher Apr 2018
He chose him
over me.
You know?
Bros over hoes

I guess

I did not know I was a **
But if I am a **,
I did not think we
were under bros.
148 · Dec 2017
When can I stop
Irate Watcher Dec 2017
People give me things
and I let them!
"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." -A Streetcar named Desire, Tennessee Williams
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