I
am
the tip
of the iceberg.
10% there. 90% submerged
just waiting for a rogue ship to wreck.
I'm cold. Like ice. And what you can't see below the lapping of waves is more ice.
Large and impenetrable.
Our chance encounter
enough to break you
to pieces. You'll
only hurt yourself
trying to get to know me.
Your expectations left sore.
Your mind left reeling.
They must have warned you
these waters are cold
and choppy
and dark.

Connection to family
friends
getting to know
someone more deeply
meeting new people
seeing new places
seeing old places
experiencing new things
experiencing old things
feelings of bliss
feelings of love
feelings of self sufficiency
hearing music that inspires me
seeing or experiencing art that inspires me
creating without an end in mind
walking without a destination
being surprised
Eating pizza
Doing yoga
Meditating.
Feeling the sun on my face.
Sleeping deeply.
Flipping in the air.
Remembering that it is amazing
I'm inside this body
and could of been inside others.
Being myself and being
accepted for it.
Long hugs.
Touch in general.
Feeling enough to cry.
Taking a leap of faith
and it working out.
Taking a leap of faith
and falling on my face
and learning from it.
Harmonizing.
Feeling deeply engrossed in a book
or documentary.
Understand the world
just a little bit better.
Knowing I have options
and vetting them.
Letting someone else
make a decision for once.
Doing what I feel
and not necessarily
what I should do.
Being nice to strangers.
Feeling like I don't have
to protect myself or my feelings
or my thoughts.
Other people thinking
I'm cool for things
that come naturally.
Laying in bed
And staring at the ceiling.

I am a little disoriented
I get lost sometimes
I dream of grandeur
Of you holding my hand
there in the moonlight
we walk.
We have smart conversations
marveling everything.
It's never time to go.
We're too slow with our meanduring.
We read each other too thoughtfully.
Adoring, not owning.
Remembering, not anticipating.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I don't need to date you
because I already love you
dear friend you know don't you
the secret smile
your embrace
your conversate
its obvious right.
I'm not going crazy.
Please tell me I'm not going crazy.
Just hold me until I'm worthy.

So bad,
I want to impress you.
It sickens me
thinking of all
the ways I
put myself
up...
even in my humility
I'm trying to seem approachable.
wishing you
had witnessed
these highlights.
Not nearly so interesting
without commentary.

I fear
I won't be so free
to explain myself
without you
explaining me back.
Pinning me down
to get the jist.
Too familiar with my
angular hips
to pay mind
to a spirited mix.

A pang in my chest
says don't pursue
him he'll be just
like the others
patting you on the head
and telling you who you are
until its bored into you.
You'll leave looking
for strangers
to surprise
someone
who doesn't know
your favorite wine
maybe he'll choose
something refreshing
that you don't like.
At least it will be
different, not the same
until he walks away
and it's over.
And you suddenly
miss having someone
who knew you that way -
so we'll.
oh well.
So you'll take some time
to stretch yourself
and then you'll be ok
and then you'll start looking
but find nothing and quickly
spiral into a depression
because no one wants
to know you like he did.
So you'll call him
and complain
about your lack of options,
feel guilty for oversharing
then send him
a naked pic for listening.
And the you'll go on
a date with someone 'great'
and then they'll disappoint you
because they seemed spontaneous
but aren't really or are
but don't have their **** together.
And then you'll...
**** I can't do it anymore.

I wanna share
all my poetry with you
but then you might
think
its
stupid
trivial
short
and
unremarkable.
Just like me...?
An insecure 'artist'
with too many
feelings.