To carry on in the day;
yearning for the night
like a child I wait, we wait,
for everything to fit in, come right
a beautiful bow ribbon
on the gifts of today
we were given this, nothing more,
nothing less, nothing else.

And I write just to stay alive
It's not false, but nothing like
that ******* light
sometimes it dawns on me
sometimes I dawn on it
oh God, won't close my eyes
I waited
unconsciously - while I just am.

Life rolls on like waves
too peaceful, lull me, babe
I will put down the pen
I will write with stardust,
over my days

You are moving in circles demented and small
You can witness the shore, but you never go
You get lost but you can see your home
there's a way out
because you are not fully gone

Courtney Olanzapine
***** me under
but it's not her
it's my problems

I created her, but she's me
How many years
to arrive at that sweet beach

She's real, she's real
but not as much as I can be...
She threatens - oh wait is it me?
I fill my empty holes with her works
something's amiss
works that should be mine though
She's me, I am her, I totally am not -

Identities dancing around now
only one woman to sustain them all
I will remain, I will prevail...
Subtle mind games
Yet you are the only one to blame!
She has some power I can't handle well -

Under a sweet veil
to show my soul
not to get lost
in the same maze I already know

So take all my alter egos and make them mere names
Yet they push me, take me places...
Courtney Olanzapine - you're as old as it gets
at least, as old as my age
you don't exist, you aren't real
I am you - you are I - it's up to me
Keep my feet on the ground
and my head in those dreamy ***** clouds

She's beautiful
made of scraps and pieces
behind the veil of the net
can you feel
her frozen breath?
She's so here because she's not there
She's not real - but yearns to be!
So filled to the brim with empty feels

Through the cracks of her life
something pours!
What's keeping her down - what makes her come out

Tumblerette - that's her
I am back, will you **** me under
again?
Is there a superforce watching
over my webpage?
I feel the pull of the past,
the pull of life
this is a different ride,
I could swear

She's coming to life
she dies, she dies, she dies!
This was beautiful
but it wasn't real...
yet there is no beauty
that completely misses it

Growing up, growing out
is so hard
because you have to break down
the *** where you grew up
the *** you were placed on
A bonsai that might end up on the psychiatric ward
feeble, lost, not knowing her true call:
A big tree that they try to contain,
not aware of the harm
But life always wins, if you just let it come
(I am beautified, the sea flowers on my crotch)

What feeds me is death to your eyes
But my diet makes me gleam and shine
Can I put up? Can you take that?
Can we coexist? Do you see my branches
big, healthy, beaming with the Sun's fire?
My private glow, you can only see the rays
but it's enough for me, I want nothing else.

It happened once
so it can happen twice
If you could reach the sky,
it can happen again, no doubt
you can

Yeah, you failed once
and it could also happen twice.
But after you fell, twice, too,
you will rise again.