We picked the flowers and look at them with love, and care.
From each other's embrace - we could not shy away
The flowers were broken, as we were ourselves
because of my pain, your pain.

The flowers will reanimate
if only we plant them to germinate
This swinging rhythm of grey waves
shores up my existence.

And this fear is slowly going away
and this pain is being drained
Some times, I know it is just us again...
...new pains, though
...old strains, I should know!
I need to slay them all
I need to address them to know
They take away all of my fun
I am a slayer, what happened to my sword?
I am a star, what happened to my spark?
I got bigger, but then I went back to small

I love you - oh **** I do
But I'm stuck again
I'm stuck on our good days
I can see the pitch black
I can see the blinding light
but this smothering grey - I could never take

It's easy if you don't try.
It's easy to open your palms
to the light

If you read me - listen close
Life reveals itself - you need no tarot
everything a tool - everything a road
Epiphanies - have a thousand if you can
If you read me - you'll see who I am
But I don't know all my maps
Only God, if anyone, does

If you read me - pay attention
no cheat sheets, but you can rely on
all the years you've been here
This net of petty meanings which are deep
(s)He constructs us, (s)he holds the key

I am drowning in Sigur Rós songs
and tarot decks
I have thirst for the infinite but I can't reach
so I drown in this place

I have thirst for something I can't tell
I move nervously and cannot find a rest
I am away from everything, and further I will get
This spiral looks like life but it is death

Something's quite off, something doesn't work.
Ask your cards! Go further in the hole!
Ghosts hovering above - it could be so
I am head deep in this but I feel no glee
This is not me, something's amiss

This is the kingdom of solipsism
This is a dangerous land to be in
This is meaningless, this makes no sense
And no magic either to be found

I had a long trip - stuck on your lips
Amish girl gone wild, I'll (never) be
You showed me the world - I didn't know
I tasted it - thankful to God but
Now I'm back home - but never on square one
I bring memories, sweet remedies
I bring the joy of the path we've felt
I don't overlook my joy, I hold back not my pain
I had a long trip - now I am sailing to a different place
Nothing dies, and that's the problem, and that's the answer.

Now I see it the way it is...
It is complex, and maddening, and confusing
And beautiful

I gotta wipe you as soon as it can be
I gotta kick this made-up hate from me
Not remembering what you meant to me
making it all look so bleak
it's easy to dismiss once it has fled
or we have killed

But there was cracks of pain also
So much longing never met by you
There was madness, some things were not cool
It was me a bit, but oh it was you too
Every kiss a heart pierced by swords
Every week needing the drug
Every bruised moment healed, but constantly hurt

How to reconcile such aching
with such lust?
You would make me hot then do me wrong
And that would twist my little heart
All the tears, connected to those chills
To be with you anywhere, it was such a thrill
That's the crux of it!
How bound, how free!

The crux of it, now I am confused
about what is it with me and you

You made me smaller
To you - all devoted
nothing inside me - but you, you, you
I became so distant from my truth

You reduced me to a cartoon - no longer a girl
or a woman for that case
You reduced our love to a quick bed -
and I accepted it so well
Losing, dying and I couldn't help
Crying, rotting away!
I could see it sometimes, but didn't dare to face
Now I've got clear vision - I see for miles
Everywhere

And I don't want to go back to that place
to that state
I feel strong. A real life size girl.
Smaller. Love made me a Bonsai girl

On you I was fed
but it was poison running my veins
in the very last days
It never was enough
I just want to grow!

You were not aware - I buy that
but now I am - I gotta take care
I might have lessened myself -
but to step back it's okay

What do you think there is further?
What kind of milk and honey lies there -
what paradise do I expect?
Can't you see things for real?
You're running away
Again

Icelandic men with lips full open
Surprises that I can sense but not know
No duties for a wandering soul!
Nights of riot and pleasure, days with the Sun
the feeling that I'm on the right road
to a destination of my own

I have no idea where those things are
but it is like an imperative right now
I've got to carry on