Excuse me, pardon me;
But you don't understand;
I don't want to explain;
The way that I am;
Yes ma'am, no ma'am;
I'm sure I won't mind;
Just treat me like dirt;
I know you're not kind;
I'm sorry you're sad;
I'm sorry you cry;
Because I'm "just a *****"
and all I do is "lie";
Yes I don't want to be around you;
I don't want to be home;
But don't throw a fit;
That I'm "leaving the family alone"
You are the reason
I'm praying for an out;
You force your self into my life;
Then I'm a ***** for forcing you out;
You do not understand!
I'm ******* insane!
My bipolar DISORDER
Is not just a game!
Don't try to play nice;
You've never done it before;
When I was younger I lived,
Outside your slammed door;
And now the tables have turned;
I will not be kind;
Yes ma'am no ma'am;
I'm sure you won't mind;
Your medicine burns;
As your heart raises blisters;
Know you know how it feels;
To be cut out by your own sister…

She came from a different world;
Got plugged into the darkness;
Walked down empty streets;
Lined with soulless houses;
Her heart was like a toolbox;
And her soul was like a doctor;
And as she tried to fix every broken mind;
She began to drown in their troubled water;
To her every action had a meaning;
And every person, like domino's;
She tried to reset all the pieces;
And to find out where they go;
She saw everyone as victims;
Of broken families, abusive dads;
And tried to be the perfect keeper;
The savior she never had;
Until the demons smelt her weakness;
To put any soul before her own;
So they began to feed off her;
Knowing she couldn't say no;
His smile was appealing;
There was evil in his eyes;
But he spun her his sad story;
He spun the perfect lie;
As she watched him sinking deeper;
She couldn't keep up on what was sent;
But what she didn't realize;
Is he was perfectly contempt;
He used her and abused her;
As the drugs consumed his soul;
Still she prayed for the light behind his eyes;
She prayed for the heart he had sold;
He fed from her and took her light;
Never caring, never did;
Took all she had, everything he could take;
Everything that she could give;
He walks off and he's laughing;
While she's barely left to function;
Cries her self to sleep at night;
So she'll drain out all emotion;
She's convinced that she can fix them;
Be the savior she never had;
But not everyone is burdened;
By the demons that drive her mad;
Scraping at her ****** heels;
The shadows claw her heart;
She's given up on running;
"Let them drain me, I play my part"
She walks down the damaged sidewalks;
And looks for sadness slaves;
But she doesn't see not everyone's a victim;
And not everyone can be saved…

They. Fill. My. Time.

Nothing more;
They aren't friends;
They aren't close.
They just
keep
me
busy.


They fill my mind with day,
To day,
To daily minutes;
That build into hours so for even 1 hour,
You aren't on my mind.

And I want to believe that everything is fine but
Its not.
I want to believe my own words,
That flow from my mouth as I play

The most meaningless game.


I don't even bother asking if its real
Because we use eachother for what we need
And text a goodnight.
Say I love you through paper thin screens as the clock ticks away and I wish,

It was you I'm sending the messages to.
Because everything I do seems to be a message to you.


One you never even read.


So I fill my time with words on a screen,
Caught up in their affection like one might be caught up in a book.

All fictional writings.
As I write my diction hoping to
find
some kind
Of conviction.


I'll take any warm embrace, so I can close my eyes and pretend its you.
Take each moment with any of them,

To try refill my mind

and fill my time.

You broke me and you tore me;
Left me shattered on the floor;
You gave my heart hope;
Only to walk up out the door;
You destroyed the girl I used to be;
The one you had helped create;
After loving you unconditionally;
You controlled my fate;
You caused me weeks of endless crying;
And nightmares woke me from my sleep;
Shaking and convulsing;
You where the source of all my screams;
But honestly I want to thank you;
For everything you did;
Cause I finally had to grow up;
And stop acting like a kid;
I leaned on you to be stable;
To get me through each day;
And when you abandoned me;
I had to find my own way;
I built up from my foundation;
You broke me down to;
I shoved away all the rubble;
That was the memories of you;
I can finally keep on walking;
Without my toxic crutch;
And I can finally move on;
My life is not surrounded by my crush;
Now when I hear your voice;
It doesn't melt me from inside;
And I know that though I want you;
I don't need you in my life;
My words might be harsh as glass shards;
But I'm done with child-lock;
Thank you for forcing me to grow up;
Thank you for my hearts shock;
You are no longer my therapist;
You are no longer my gravity;
You can't pull me down or raise me up;
I've been brought back to reality;
You make me laugh and make me smile;
And I admit it is nice what you do;
But I can finally stand up and say:
"My friend, I'm over you."

The clouds are rolling in;
And it covers up the skies;
Let's me breath and fill my soul;
As it calms what's inside;
There is nothing it compares to;
Where is this new mirage?
You'll find few feelings like this;
Like the strumming of guitars:
You'll escape from all anxiety;
Take vanity in aim;
And hold on to a memory;
That won't happen again.
Its creeping at my minds edge;
The shallows are reeling in;
Talons pull and tear my sanity;
As my heart beat is wearing thin;
Its as constant as my breathing;
Whispering in the back of my mind;
That I would be calmer;
If a blade is what I'd find;
The anxiety is crippling;
As it rises in my throat;
I try my best to push it down;
But it pushes till I can't cope;
I don't know why I'm nervous;
Cannot even meet the eye;
As the eyes are the windows to the soul;
And I don't want him seeing mine;
Its like snapping of my rib cage;
Why are my hands shaking?
Why is the world turning dark?
Why is it I'm not breathing?
All I need is the sound of breathing;
There's no judging in the night;
Listen to your heart like thunder;
And we live in darkness under light…