After all this time,

you still haven’t left my mind

I still spend every moment wondering if you’re thinking of me too.

After all this time

I still torture myself thinking that you’ll call or maybe text

and I just stare at my phone for hours.

After all this time

I know I shouldn’t. but I still love you

and I’m still yours.

no offense mom but i don’t want to exist anymore
i want to disappear into the sky
thanks for raising me
but the world is turning on me.

i'm going up there,
the big magical cloud castle that is somewhere
between the stars in the sky.
i'll be with you and thats where i belong.

we will be up upon the world so high
sparking like diamonds in the sky.
i'm leaving you and this is goodbye.

why can't i ever feel normal?
why can i never feel whole?
why can't i feel normal for once in this worthless life time?

someone help...

Memories of you and i
burn into my mind
like a wild fire,
leaving my brain scorched
and covered in thick dark ash.

Seeing you
turns my eyes into a river
after the rain,
over flowing and flooding the plains.

You ripped my heart
into microscopic pieces
like it was paper,
you did it so effortlessly.

You are gone and whole,
I am here and falling apart.

I only smoke at night because,
in the daytime i can see what i'm doing to myself.

Why can't I be happy?
Is it because i don't know what i want?
I don't know if i want to be alone or in a crowd.
I don't know if i want to be in quite or where it is loud.  

Is it because i don't know where i want to be?
I don't know if i want to be with you or with someone new.
I don't know if i want to be in a club or in a church pew.

Is it because i don't know what it is like to be me?
I don't know what i like, who i want, or where i would like to be.

So, how can i be happy if i don't know myself?
Or even have thoughts of ending myself?

I assume that i cannot be happy.
Maybe this is me.